Starting over by Amanda Mthembu

STARTING OVER BY AMANDA MTHEMBU

John never had an easy life growing up, in fact he had wished he never existed. Growing up with a single mother and being a chubby child, means things were quite difficult for him. John was not a talkative person, always kept to himself and never had issues with anyone. It was quite difficult for him at home because his mother was hardly a “mother” to him, John was basically taking care of himself and he matured quicker as he realised, he needed to do things for himself.

Going to school was more of a drag for John because he knew how exhausting it is to prepare for school in the morning, but he always pushed himself. In the mornings, his mom was always asleep from a hangover or tired from handling clients the previous night as she was a sex worker. This was always a difficult adjustment for John, as he had been exposed to sex at a young age. His relationship with his mother wasn’t always smooth, the mother was hard on him and even proceed to beating him up when things didn’t quite go her way. Although, John didn’t quite understand this, he also knew it was not right. You can imagine this young boy growing up with feeling unworthy and unrecognized by his own mother.

At school the situation was quite tense, in his class John was one of the smartest kids, however he never felt like it. There was a particular boy that bothered him, Sam. This boy always managed to get on his nerves, he would attack his chubbiness, he’s inability to run or swim and even brings up the fact that John is fatherless. Now, this made him angry but because John was not much of a talker even when the other kids made fun of him, he still kept to himself and did what was required of him at school. There was one girl, who always had John’s back in class, Samantha, and John has always had a crush on her. Samantha was quite a popular one in their high school, she was the most pretty, confident and an academic. However, she took a different caring to John which he and other kids never really understood. During lunch breaks she would conversate with him and even share her lunch with him, as sometimes John didn’t bring lunch at all. For him, having such a friend gave him a sense of purpose and that maybe he does belong in this world. He just doesn’t know where yet.

It was his matric year, and his mother couldn’t care less. Eventually the situation got worse at home, more times he would go to bed home alone and not having food to eat for days. But John had a goal for his life to lose weight and become an athlete, even though he knew such trainings and schooling would be expensive, he had hope for the first time in years. The matric ball was on its way, and he couldn’t care less, he knew such things were of luxury and he couldn’t afford such. Samantha had asked him to be his partner for the night, but he quickly declined as he knew he didn’t have anything at all. This was the time that John decided to finally become vulnerable towards Samantha and tell her everything about his upbringing. This touched Samantha and she knew she had to do something. She had a heart-warming conversation with her parents, who felt touched by John’s story.

It was then concluded that the parents would help John with his suit and the car they would use for the night. This excited him as he had never experienced this and he was looking forward to it. Days and weeks went, and it was June exams he aced his exams and was excited for the upcoming dance. However, this all came crushing down when his mother forbids him from going to that dance. Instead forced him to get a job so he can be able to provide for himself since he is the one who eats the most in the house. This shattered John, probably more than he had ever been in his life, he was made to feel small and unworthy of beautiful things. John become a distant towards anything and anyone including Samantha, he never wanted to disappoint her. So he just decided to overwork himself in his schoolbooks, in that he became depressed and even lost weight. It was not helping that at home, he didn’t have much to eat. However, John knew he needed to break away from his mother and this hardship, he just didn’t know how.

The matric ball night came and John was home alone as usual. A loud hoot comes from outside his room window, he checks it. He sees a beautiful Samantha waving at him to come down, he contemplates whether to go down or not. After a few minutes he proceeds to go out, and there Samantha hands out his suit and pleads with him to change to that they can go to the ball. John was conflicted as to enjoy his night or go against his mothers wishes. However, for the first time in his life he decided to put himself first. They reached the matric ball venue, and as they walked in, they became the stars of the show. John had never been used to such attention his entre life and this instantly boosted his confidence. The end of the ball reached and it was time to go home, something he didn’t want to face but knew he had too. As he gets his meets his mom on the doorstep patiently waiting for him, at that point in time he knew thins were going to get ugly. His mom waited for the car and proceeds to drag him by his hair into the house, she didn’t even talk and proceeded to beating him up continually. Even with blood oozing out of him, she continued until she was satisfied. John stayed on the floor till morning, his mother just left him like that as she went about her day. He dragged himself to get into a bath and try clean himself. It had been a long time since he experienced such pain, and he couldn’t believe it. Days and days went with John at home and him missing school. His wounds got worse and his infections, he was starting to get sick with his mother nowhere to be found. He somehow started to accept his fate that he would die.

But not all hope was lost, Samantha came over because she was concerned and found him lying unconscious on the floor. She quickly called her parents and proceeded to take him to the hospital, there he received intensive care and came out a few weeks later. His mother came to the hospital to apologise, but John wasn’t interested, it was there that he decided to cut ties with his mother and this shocked Samantha’s parents but they were proud of him because they knew his story. To his surprise Samantha’s parents decided that they will take care of him financially and all other ways, he was in disbelief and agreed immediately. He thought to himself this was his chance to ‘START OVER’ and to look forward to life again.

Months passed and he was staying at Samantha’s., he grew closer to the family, his grades were great. He was also receiving therapy, he was starting to grow into himself. Finals came, with his mother nowhere in sight, he was dedicated and knew his end goal. Few months later, he passed his matric with distinctions and Samantha’s parents had promised to fund whatever he wanted to do should he pass well. Surprisingly he said he wants to now study psychology so he can help kids who went through the same thing as himself. Him and Samantha’s enrolled in same university but with different courses, they had decided to continue staying home as the parents weren’t so strict. In John’s second year he thought about his mother and how much he missed her even through all that trauma he experienced. His therapist advised him to seek out his mother and forgive. At that point he knew it was time. John dragged himself to the place his once called home, he enters and finds his frail mother sitting in the lounge. A heart-warming smile comes from his mother, something he didn’t expect. He proceeds to let everything out and even cries while sharing his story. His mother gets up and tries to comfort, continuously apologising and asking for a second chance to be a better mom. John forgives and decides it’s time for a new chapter.

Years later, John had become a therapist and was now married. Allowing his mother to be apart of his life was the best decision he ever made. She was his biggest cheerleader, motivated him and loved him through all his hardships. He now knew that the conscious decision to start his life over again by letting go was the best decision he had ever made. Samantha was the best wife he could ever ask for and her family continue to show him a love he never knew existed. Through all these years, John vowed to become a better man, so he worked out, attended extensive therapy because he knew he wanted to become a brand-new person and build a new life. And so, he did, John was more confident, lived life to the fullest, was open and more vulnerable to his wife and family, something he didn’t think he would one day reach in his life. When his wife gave birth to twins, and he made a promise to himself that he would give them the life he wished he had as a young boy and support them through everything.

THE END