Stuck

I'm trapped in this perpetual void for eternity. There's no way out of this one, this time. I try to get out but it seems the void likes losers. Those who really hate society. I am trapped, there's nothing for me. This world is not for me.

When will this end? I want to scream but there is only black to scream in. My eyes burn but can't see what's in front of them. It's like being in a black hole. Where the hell am I?

When I see the sunshine, the eclipse just fades it to nothing. A pile of boxes joining me as they pile up. What the hell did I do? I try to get out but I am in a constant loop. There's no end or give to this.

Oh well... Let the ground take me from the bottom up. No body likes the fool in the box. Now I know how jack-in-the-box's feel like when they get stuck. There no chance for me to pop out for a hello, it's more of a goodbye.

I wish to see the world again. Not stuck in a Mobius strip of reclusiveness for all eternity. Can someone let me out now? Please?

I have no idea how this started not how it will end but there has to be a way. Just one way to get out of here. Whatever it takes. I'll scrape the damn walls down with my bare nails just to escape from this void of blackness. To see the light again. To see them again.

I miss people. I miss faces. I don't know what people look like anymore because their faces are erased from my memory. I try to think but the boxes keep piling up. Like Tetris, I find myself having some room but they pile up one after the other and won't stop until they collapse.

Is this what hell looks like? There is no brimstone and fire. Some say this like a lake but I find myself not drowning in a lake but floating above the void. Screaming again but nothing comes out. Like there is something stuck in my throat.

I drown in darkness and dwell on my life. What the was wrong with me? Why was I like this? The scratching of papery texture burns my sides and my body feels numb. I curl to sleep, floating on the ground beneath me with the feeling of the scratch against my ear.

My eyes try to shut but my body tells me off for being bad. I have a headache from the scratching noise in my mind. I lift my body up and feel the top of a box on my head, scaring me.

I should be suffocating but I somehow end up at peace. Like I want this to happen. What was going on?

More scratching. No more headache. Is cardboard a good medicine and why the hell is it not prescribed? As much I want to escape this papery prison, I do find myself dwelling if this place is a good idea. Maybe, maybe not. I feel indifferent.

I try a knock on the sides of the box which tap with the sound. Hollow. Feels like me at the moment. I try to end it slightly but it only gives way slightly, like it was chuckling at me for being foolish.

Stupid box prison.

I sigh and carefully readjust my numb body to another position that at least gives my legs a break. I can feel them screaming at me now, telling me that they are suffocating. I find myself screaming again.

No noise and the void does not scream back. Only a fool tries this out. I sigh and curl up into a more comfortable position, curling my legs up and resting my head on my knees.

A single tear rolls down my scratched cheek and onto the paper texture of the cardboard at my feet. I feel the wetness of the floor on my toes and I start to shiver. I want to escape but I know I’ll only be put into another box again. To be honest, better here than somewhere where I will be more uncomfortable.

Another tear. What do people look like? I can only imagine the faces looking down; wise faces with wrinkles, smooth skin with no experience in their eyes, mother’s tutting over their children, father’s acting brave and showing pity at the animal they see in front of them.

I don’t want pity. I just want to break out of this limbo. This cardboard filled limbo. It’s like being at a box centre where you buy boxes for moving out in. The only problem is, this is my life in a nut shell. I can’t get out of here, so pondering seems like the only hobby I have.

One last tear and my feet feel soaked. I bury my face in my knees and let go of everything. All my emotions all packed up into pockets of water and salt. It feels like I am drowning but backwards. A reverse waterfall.

I realise this will kill my head off if I kept on crying so I stop. The throb of a headache makes itself known but I dare not shut my eyes as I have no need to. The darkness dries my tears and leaves me numb internally.

I could feel the weight of something piling back on. Another box. Another burden on my very soul that was just the cherry on the cake. Another box my perpetual void will lead me to if I was to leave this box world I am stuck in.

I undid the knot of my body to lay on my side again. I should try to sleep. There is nothing for me now. Nothing.

Goodbye world. I will never know your face as I am too numb to move. I am forever stuck in a loop. A loop of paper textures and blackness.