You're Not the Boss of Me!

YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

“Settle down, right now! This is not the way we act!”

“What do yo mean “we”? I’m doing what I have to do.”

Then she slapped him.

He stopped, looked at her, furious. She’d slapped him! No way some old woman disrespects him like that! He turned his body to face her. His upper lip curled. His muscles tensed.  

But she recognized the signs.  

“I wouldn’t if I was you,” she growled, “because I will take you down.”

“You’ll take me down?” he sneered. “You? You’re old and useless.” He chortled. “The day some old woman like you can take me down—'

She leapt at him, and before he knew what was happening, he was on his back, her weight on his chest, her hot breath in his ear.

“What was that, sonny-boy?”

“Whoa! Whoa! Just trash talk. Seriously, just trash talk.”

She backed away, and he got slowly to his feet. He looked around, searching for a way out.

“Look —it’s Bella, right?

She nodded.

“Look, Bella, I’m new here. I don’t know the rules of the game, I guess.”

He tried to look contrite, dropping his head, rolling his big brown eyes up towards her.

“Don’t even try. It’s not going to work. I’ve got eight of my own, and not once did that work.”

“Okay, Bella. I’m just doing what I’ve always done. Where I come from, it’s a dog-eat-dog world.”

“You’re not there any more. You’re here. And here we treat each other with respect.

“Ahh! That’s so cute!”

Both dogs turned to look towards the voice. It was Ashley. She was their human.  

“Look, Jason! They’re playing!”

Both dogs wagged their tails, while still giving the other canine side-eye.

“Come on, Bella, Max. Let’s go out for a pee.”

Ashely walked to the back door, and opened it. Max darted out, and threw himself down the stairs onto the lawn.

Bella was more dignified. She leaned against Ashley’s leg before going out, and was rewarded with an ear scritch.  

“Good girl, Bella. You’re teaching him manners, right?”

Max stopped, and looked. What the holy hell had he gotten himself into? Ashley wanted Bella to be the alpha dog, literally? Now way! At the rescue, he’d been able to fight his way to the top, but not here. Bella was the boss.

Man! This sucks!

He finished his business, and looked around the backyard. He needed a good chew. He grabbed one of Jason’s sandals, and started chewing. Ashley was busy on her phone and Jason was in the house, so no one was watching him. It was all clear.  

Chew, chew, chew.

“WOOF!”

Max looked up. There was Bella, sitting beside him, looking between him and Ashley.

“WOOF!”

“Shut up, old woman. Snitches get stitches!”

“WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!”

Ashley looked up from her phone. “What Bella—” She looked at Max. “NO MAX! BAD DOG!”

Max jumped to his feet, sandal in his mouth, and started running away from Ashley. Nothing like a good game of chase-the-puppy. It was his favourite game.  

“Max! Drop the sandal, right now! I’m not kidding! Drop it!”

No way, he thought. This is my power!

He ran in circles around Ashley, tail wagging. He would stop, drop into his puppy play pose, and Ashley would move towards him. Then, just before she could grab the sandal from his mouth, he’d dart away, again. He did that, like ten times it a row! It was great!

“MAX! Drop it! Right now!”

Max only ran faster.

Ha ha! I’m so much faster than any hooman!

BOOF!

Max went flying sideways, the sandal flying out of his mouth. He landed on his side, and slid across the grass. He jumped to his feet.

Bella stood there, serenely, looking at Max.

“What the actual hell, Bella! You tackled me!” he snarled.  

“Max!” said Ashley, bending to pick up the slipper. “No growling!”

Ashely turned to Bella, and rubbed her ears.

“Good girl, Bella. You teach him some manners.”  

*****

Max was exhausted. It had been a long first day. Ashley and Jason seemed nice. Nicer than the people at the rescue. Or the first house he lived in before going to the rescue. Here he had his own bed, his own food bowl, some toys. Run of the house.  A backyard. All was good, except … Bella. Who did she think she was? She wasn’t the boss of him!  

He wandered around looking for a place to sleep. He was used to being in a corner so that no one could sneak up on him. Survival of the fittest!  

He plopped down on the floor and fell asleep immediately.

“Come on, buddy, time to go out for a pee.”

Max woke up to the slight nudging of Jason’s foot. He stood and stretched, walked towards the door, still dopey. He started to squat down to pee just inside the door, when he felt Bella’s nose pushing him from behind.

“Not inside, Max. That’ll only get you in trouble. Let’s go outside, little guy.”

Why was she being so nice? Max wondered. They were enemies, right?

*****

At breakfast the next morning, Max bolted his food. Like he always did. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat.  

He noticed Bella taking her sweet time, chewing each morsel of food, savouring it.

Snooze, you lose!

He walked over to her bowl, pushed her away, and started wolfing down her food.

WHACK!

Bella’s giant paw sent him flying. She looked at him, growling.

What the actual hell! She smacked me, AGAIN!

“Now, now, Max. No eating Bella’s food. You had your own.”

Max looked over at Bella. She was still serenely eating her food. He started to creep forward, on his belly.

“Don’t even think about it, buddy. I will put you down.”  

She growled, showing Max her teeth.

He stopped, and backed up.

“Fine. I don’t want your old-lady dog food, anyway.”

Hate her!

*****

The days progressed much like this. Max did really like his new home, but geez, Bella was such bossy old cur. 

They’d go for a walk, and Max would pull as hard as he could, making Ashley stumble along. He was a puppy, and he wanted all the sniffs. Bella would stand in front of Max to stop him, but he’d only pull again when she moved. Finally, she grabbed on to his collar with her teeth, and make him walk at her pace.  

He’d try to steal food from the kitchen counter, and she’d body slam him away. He’d try begging, and she’d walk between Max and the food until he’d just go and lay down.

He’d bark and bark and bark when the mailman delivered the mail. Bella would just stand there and look at him.

“What, you’re going to eat the guy who brings the mail? Why?”

Bella was treating him like a baby! He wasn’t a baby. Why did she have to be part of the family? It would be so much better if it was just him and Ashley and Jason.  

But when they’d go to the dog park, and Max would get into a scrap, and who was there, protecting him? Not Ashley or Jason. Bella.

When they were playing with the toys, she would let him win. He knew she could take him, she knew she could take him, but she didn’t. They were having fun, together.

The most confusing time was when there was a thunderstorm — Max hated thunder. He was curled up in the corner, shaking, heart pounding. Bella came over and encircled his body with hers comforting him. He fell asleep, warm in Bella’s circle of security.  

*****

“What’s a puppy mill?” Max asked Bella.

Max and Bella were playing in the backyard.

“Why?” asked Bella, suddenly stopping, looking at him, seriously, all the play gone in her posture.

“I heard Ashley talking on the phone. She said that you were rescued from a puppy mill. What is it?”

If a golden retriever could sigh, she sighed. “It’s a place where the people who own it, breed dogs over and over, to make a lot of money from “designer dogs.” The conditions are deplorable, and all the female dogs do is have as many litters of puppies as they can until they die.”

“That’s horrible!” He remembered something Bella had said to him on that first day. “Were you one of those female dogs? You said that you have eight puppies of your own.”

Bella looked away, her eyes unfocussed, gazing off into the distance.  

“Yes. I was one of those dogs. I had a litter of ten puppies, but two died. The eight that I had were crowded into my small, fetid cage with me. I nursed them as long as I could, but it was hard because I didn’t get a lot of food. But we survived. Until the people took them away. They were only four weeks old, not even weened. I never saw them again.” Sigh. “I still miss them.”

“But how did you get here?”

“Some people came and took us all away. They shut the puppy mill down. There were eleven other female Goldens. When we were healthy and clean, Ashley and Jason chose me and brought me here. I was only eight months old, a little older than you, when I came here.

*****

Max wasn’t as rebellious as he was when he first arrived. He was settling in. Things were getting better. But there were still rules.

Like no eating garbage.  

It wasn’t his fault that Jason left the garbage bag out back, not in the garbage pail. What’s a dog supposed to do? Eat it, right? What else could he do? So he did.

When Bella saw what he was doing, she just shook her head.  

“You know, you shouldn’t eat this garbage. You’re going to get sick.”

“Ha! What do you know! I used to eat garbage all the time, and I never got sick!”

That night as he was throwing up in the backyard, Bella just sat watching him.

“You know, Max, I don’t tell you these things to make you mad. I tell you these things because I don’t want to see you suffer.

Retch. “I know." Retch. I should listen.” Retch. “But it smelled so darn good." Retch.

*****

For the longest time, Max wasn’t sure how Bella actually felt about him. Sure, she was bossy, but she was also kind and gentle. It wasn’t until the day he got the supper zoomies that he knew exactly how she felt.

Max was running crazy, zooming all around the back yard. This was something he did a lot. Bella was watching him, envying his energy. Ashley and Jason were in the house doing hooman things. It was just the two of them. Max was tearing up the lawn, he was moving so fast. Around and around, he’d go — to the front of the yard, to the back, around the swimming pool, jump over the walkway, around the patio, repeat. He was having a great time, until he wasn’t. He lost his footing around the pool deck, slipped, whacked his head on the pool ladder in the deep end, and went flying into the pool, unconscious.  

Bella leapt to her feet, gave a series of ferocious barks, and dove into the pool. She grabbed Max my the scruff of his neck and paddled her way towards the shallow end of the pool, She had Max firmly in her jaws. When she got to the wide steps she tried to drag him up to the patio, but he was too big.

Having heard Bella’s bark — it wasn’t her stop-being-a-Jerk-Max” bark, or her play bark, or her there’s-a-squirrel-in-our-backyard bark — it was something different. Jason and Ashley knew something was up, and rushed outside in time to see Bella trying to drag an unconscious Max up the steps. Jason and Ashley rushed forward and lifted Max out of the pool, onto the deck. Jason put him on his side, and Max started to cough.

“Oh my God, Bella, what happened?”

Of course she couldn’t tell them.

They bundled Max into the car and rushed him to the vet's.

It wasn’t until the vet pronounced Max fine and healthy, and the they returned home, that Jason and Ashley looked at the video from the backyard cameras, and saw what Bella had done.

Ashley got down on the floor with Bella, and hugged her.  

“You saved Max, Bella. You’re a hero! Extra treats and walks for you!”

Later that night, Max was still feeling a bit woozy. Bella came and laid down beside him, just like she had the night of the thunderstorm.  

“How you feeling, Max?”

“Better, thanks to you.” He licked her paw. “You saved me. Thank you. I’ll never forget what you did for me.”

*****

Bella was almost seven when Max came to live with them. Max was about six months. After the first few months, they settled into a routine. Max would do something stupid, and Bella would correct him. Eventually, he settled down, and they became simpatico — a strong team protecting home and hearth. And the two new little hoomans who joined the family.

But Bella was getting old, and couldn’t do the things she used to. Her walks were shorter, and she slept longer. When the tiny hoomans tried to climb all over her, Max would gently herd them away, and let them use him as a living jungle gym. When the family went to the dog park, it was Max who protected Bella from all the dogs who wanted to take her tennis balls. When Bella fell asleep on his bed because it was in the sunshine, he let her have it, because it made her happy.

When Bella died, Max mourned her passing. Nothing was as much fun as it used to be. The tiny hoomans were not so tiny anymore and were at school. The squirrels and chipmunks in the backyard didn’t interest him like they used to, when he and Bella would chase them. Even his kibble tasted bland. Max spent most days laying with his snout on his paws, remembering Bella. He missed her horribly, and he was lonely.

Then, one day, the whole family came into the room. They were looking at him. Max was confused.

Jason was holding a box. He put it on the ground. Ashley bent over, and lifted something out, and put it on the ground. It was all wiggly and yippy.

“Hey Max, this is Seymour. He’s your new brother.

Seymour yipped, looked around, spotted Max, walked over to him, and bit his nose.

Max, raised his paw, and pushed Seymour’s head down to the floor. Those sharp little puppy teeth hurt.

“Settle down, right now! This is not the way we act! I’m gonna have to teach you some manners!”

Ah, the mentee was now the mentor.