I am ok with that

“Are you coming tonight?”

Saying Maria, leaving me in deep thoughts ‘should I go or have my sweet home weekend’ I stayed quite for a while then answer “I am coming, but promise me to not stay for a long time”.

Maria with a big smile in her face come and hug me which means she accepted what I say. 

(A few hours later) 

I was nervous about everything; is my outfit suits the place that we are going to? Should I just tell Maria that I am not coming?. 

I tried to kick these thoughts out of my head and focus on being calm and confident to have a good time tonight. 

After a while, Maria calls saying that she is waiting for me at the door. 

(After reaching the place) 

I was really nervous at first cause there will be a lot of people that I am supposed to have conversation with, Maria was much more better than me she talk with everyone and try to have with her in conversations. After while I felt like my energy is burning out so I decided to go to toilet to have some space for me and my inner world. 

I came back and we had the birthday cake, it was Maria’s friend birthday. 

We stayed a little then go back home as Maria promised me. 

I stayed at home the rest of the weekend but on the other side, Maria was partying all weekend. 

This was putting me in very deep thoughts, am I wrong with this lifestyle? Or is it ok to have my time for myself at home?. 

And after weeks of thinking and trying to have to party or socialize lifestyle for few days, I realize that there’s no wrong and right in every creature's lifestyle. 

Let me put it in more organized words ‘if I like to party every weekend that is my choice of living my life like this. On the other hand, if I choose to spend the weekend at home doing my things that’s also my choice of living’.

People's choices in life are based on how they were raised, what they go through, and personal choices. Some people refresh their energy by being around people and others by just staying alone for a while doing their hobbies. 

So at the end of that year, I understand that I and Maria have very different personalities but we complete each other’s half with this difference. 

I used to hang out with people I used to know always in school, most of them were people I know for a long time or Maria’s friends who she introduced me to them. 

That year was my last year in school. Maria and I decided about which university are we going to, unfortunately, we were in two different universities. 

At first it was really hard for me to get along with the new routine. I was facing hardness while trying to have new friends or work in groups and socializing in university. 

I decided to challenge myself and try to have some people around me cause I knew deep inside someday I will need some help in my university journey. The challenge went well I made some relationships with students, even if it was a deep friendship or anything but having someone there if I need some help from the university staff. 

Understanding myself made me really calm and comfortable inside and outside, so instead of feeling bad about how I used to be an introvert, I am feeling ok with that. 

After a while of being a university student which means I am grown up now I had to be more confident around people but that was not working out at the end I go back to my alone zone. 

One day, I had that boy who comes to me while I was setting in the calmest spot in the canteen listening to some musing diving in thoughts. The boy was tall with pretty eyes, he came and sets facing me so he could have my attention, he started the conversation by saying “Hi Lora”. 

I feel shocked that he knows my name cause I didn’t think that we talked before this time. 

I ask him “Hi, can I know how did you know my name?”.

He smiles “We had been at the same class in our fresh year, we didn’t have any contact after it but I noticed you several times sitting here which is the calmest spot in the canteen”.

I smiled wanting to end this weird feeling of nervousness mixed with confidence and answers “will, yes I like this calm spot cause it gives me good feelings after stressful classes”.

He smiled even bigger “can I buy you coffee and have a talk?”.

An inner voice was saying just end this and another says it is ok just accept his offer nothing will be happening!.

I nodded my face “yes you can Max!”

He did not stop smiling and he even gets shocked that I remember his name but didn’t say anything, he moves up and to the counter and come back with two cups of americano my favorite!.

I thanked him and we start to talk and get to know each other’s personalities, not as a whole but somehow after a while My next class time has come so I end the conversation and start taking my bag and stuff in my hand and start walking away. A sound stopped me it was him again Max asks me to do this again, the weird feeling come again to me but I smiled as big as his smiled and nodded my head saying yes, and walk away. 

Is this weird feeling in my chest is called love or it's just someone has broken my inner world walls?

Whatever is that, I like it and I want to have it for the rest of my life, I want to know Max more and spend more time around him smiling at me!.