I Miss You

Our eyes met across the playground, the air was a bit cold and too dry if I recalled correctly and tears had been running down my cold cheeks, 

I was sprawled on the dirty ground, my skirt slightly wet and dirtied, I could have felt my palm turning red. Children had surrounded me, their laughs echoing in my ears mockingly as they pointed out my many differences. You were a bit of a distance from me, your hair curling into your face as your eyes widened at the sight of my miserable form. I look away, accepting my faith as one of the girls pulled at my hair.

Suddenly the voice of an adult interrupted, and I looked up in surprise, hope blooming into my chest as I saw the familiar brown face of the teacher, her eyes fierce and then my eyes met yours again, trailing behind the angry woman, your eyes didn’t stray from me and a smile crossed your pink lips.

The teacher passed by the kids, demanding them to stand by her as she pulled me up, fussing over me, making sure that I was alright, she frowned at my hair that was loose from my plaits, and skirt that had grass and mud clinging onto it, and her attention went to the kids that were now quiet and fidgeting nervously as they awaited their punishment for being caught, you walked towards me, and I smiled at you shyly and then you asked for my name.

We became friends that day, and I couldn’t help but consider you, in a way a hero.

You were my first friend and you will become my best friend one day.

You saw past everything those kids couldn’t help but pick on me for, I was grateful.

You became the rock and the support to me as the years went by in our lives.

I miss you. Do you miss me? I hope so...

~~~

I always saw you as a loud person, someone that could fill the empty silence of a room easily without even a moment rest, it was calming in a way to hear you talk, every word with meaning and passion, but whenever I had something to saw, you’d tilt your head towards me, as if eager to hear my own feelings and thoughts, you always seemed interested no matter the setting.

I never told you but in normal cases, I was always ignored by others, I’m not the most interesting person I think, just someone that’s quiet with many thoughts that’ll never come to light. Sometimes I’m cut off in the middle of conversation or I’m ignored as people don’t find interest in what I was saying.

It did always make me feel happy to be heard by you, it’s not easy, I sometimes felt like no one cared to hear what I had to say that I was alone, but to know that even if it’s just one person, it meant the world to me, I hope you know that I always loved to hear when you talked. 

I’ll never forget you, Did you forget me? I hope not..

I'll miss you, I hope I made you feel valued as well.

~~~

Once I saw you as someone to both admire and envy, I never told you, but I had hated you sometimes, but I still also loved you. Before you stop reading, just continue, It’s just a confession but I wished my hair was as smooth and curly as yours back then as I hated my hair that was difficult to manage and coily, I always felt standing next to you, that I was ugly, it was insecurity and self hatred. I never told you that I hated those features of you cause it reminded me of what I didn’t have, but you also helped me through those issues. You didn’t have to but you still did, you were the first person that reminded me that I was beautiful, you told me how my dark skin and dark eyes were pretty, it was the first thing you told me you had noticed and made you think I was someone beautiful to admire. Thank you for bringing me up and showing me that I had nothing to be insecure about in a world that would put me down for me features, I hope you know that you’re beautiful and I hope you believe me, I don’t I told you my thoughts out loud, and I hope you’ll forgive me for that.

I thought you’re a great friend, Did you think I was a great friend too? I hope so..

I miss you, I hope you knew you were beautiful too.

~~~

You were a lesbian, it was surprising to know when you told me, I could have stared at you for hours back then, my eyes were wide and my voice was gone, I didn’t know what to react as my love for you and the beliefs I grew upon battled for dominance, I could only get up and leave the room and whisper that I’ll talk to you later, I regret not doing what I should’ve done immediately, it haunts me now remembering your face as you stared at me, I should’ve been better, I know. All you had was me arriving at your front door the next day and wrapped you in a hug as if nothing changed between us, what you didn’t know was I ended up scrolling through the internet finding answers to my dilemma, I wanted to accept you because for all it was worth, you are a kind person who deserved the world and maybe it was time to give the world a bird that said you deserve to burn in hell. I didn’t say anything so I’ll tell you know.

I accept you, Do you accept me despite my flaws? I hope so…

I miss you, and you’ll always be my friend, no matter what.

~~~

I always thought you were brave, even as a child, I remember how unlike other children that didn’t even glance at me, you were the only one that called the teacher, you were bold and wouldn’t take anything from anyone, not even teachers that’d treat students unfairly, you were really an amazing person, and I believe you still are, do you remember that time that teacher implied to the class that a couple of girls that were sitting right beside us as sluts, confronting them directly with a sneer on his pale face, you stood up and called him a disgusting pig and how you hope that he gets fired. He kicked you outta the class while the girls looked in surprise that you’d defend them, later on we reported it, and when no one took it seriously, you made a fuss, and somehow made it into a big deal that caused outrage among parents, honestly, I wish I could’ve done that, but I’m a bit of a coward I guess, but you were always someone that didn’t like anyone disrespecting nor putting down anyone even if it is themselves. You always believed everyone should be treated equally and kindly to others and themselves.

I hope you’re treating yourself kindly, I really hope you are

I miss you, and I wonder if you wonder how those girls are doing as well?

~~~

When you told me that you wanted to be a lawyer, I could only stare at you, I never would have seen you as someone that’d choose that profession of all things, I saw you as someone that’d prefer something like being a firefighter or a policewoman or maybe even an FBI agent, so it really did stun me but then as I thought further on it, I couldn’t help it was fitting in a way, despite how many people view lawyers as soulless but as someone that naturally defended those that you felt aren’t able to defend themselves, then it makes sense, it was fitting, especially as you prefer words over action. You were a pacifist. Do you remember how I said I admired you, well I wanted to help people too and in a way you inspired me to become a psychologist, and I want to thank you for showing me the way, I hope I could become the rock for others like you were for me because not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive friend.

Are you a lawyer now? I hope you did.

I miss you, and I hope you achieved your dreams.

~~~

It’s been a while since I’ve seen you but I want to let you know that you were like a sister to me, the sister I never got the chance to have, so in a way, you’re family to me and I love you.

Are you happy? I hope you are…

I missed you and I hope to see you soon.