HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN AN UNFAMILIAR ROOM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN AN UNFAMILIAR ROOM

 “Hello?  Where am I?   This room is so strange. This can’t be a hotel room. This broken-down chair and me are the only things here!   How did I get here and where is here ANYWAY? This can’t be a dream. .  Should I pinch myself? Does that work? Probably not and anyway, I felt that pinch.

It feels like I’m pretty high up. I hate heights. My God, it’s only 8 am. Why am I not sitting at the breakfast table?

Why are the windows all taped up? Has someone moved out? Am I moving in? This unfamiliar room. Am I in some alternate reality?  Do I even believe in alternate realities? Why can’t I remember how I got here and why? What’s wrong with you, Russ? Try the door. Of course.   It’s locked. Of course it’s locked. Just like in all those corny horror movies.

Why would anyone lock me, of all people, inside an empty room?  Is it a joke?   Who would want to kidnap me? Have I been kidnapped? That’s  ridiculous. This isn’t a movie.   Let me check my wallet. Nope it’s still in in my back pocket and everything’s there. And my watch is still on my wrist. They damn well better not take that -- It’s a Rolex …. So if this is a kidnapping they wouldn’t have missed that. It doesn’t make any sense. Unless they’re planning to come back and take the watch and the wallet and tie me up….

Who’s they?

 Wait, there’s a clothes closet over there.  Maybe there’s a clue or something in there. Hopefully it’s not a dead body. Maybe the last victim they did away with!

Hmm, this is a pretty fancy doorknob. Looks new, nicer than brass. Let’s see what’s inside. Nope, it’s locked tight, too.  Why would a clothes closet be locked? Maybe there IS a dead body inside. I don’t want to know.

 I can’t see outside. I guess you’d do that if you had a prisoner - tape up the windows so he is disoriented. Well, I’m getting there.   I’ll turn on the overhead lights. No, that doesn’t help much because there’s nothing here to see anyway. What If I bang on the door? Someone next door or down the hall will surely hear me. And come to help. Unless there is no one in the building.

“HELP HELP”

That didn’t work. Maybe it’s just as well. What If whoever locked me in here has some bouncer type goons stationed outside the door making sure I don’t escape?  

Maybe it’s a case of mistaken identity and they have the wrong guy.

Do I look like anybody in the news? Elise once said she thought I looked like Stanley Tucci. I think I’m better looking than Tucci. Does Tucci live in Westchester County?

Forget the goon guards. I gotta keep my cool. Maybe I really am all alone here.  Maybe this is an abandoned building,  but why would anyone want to strand me in an abandoned building? I’m not a drug smuggler. This is not Venezuela and I’m just a mid-list mystery writer and part time paralegal, for goddsake!

 How could I be in a room that seems totally unfamiliar? Am I out of town? But I would have remembered leaving town. Was I in an accident? Maybe I hit my head and lost consciousness?  But then I would be in a hospital ward, wouldn’t I? I feel a little groggy but maybe that’s garden variety anxiety.

Jeez, it feels creepy to be talking to myself like this!  But not as creepy as being in a room that I don‘t remember entering!  And for what reason?

Russ, think. What do I remember last? Let’s see. I was having dinner with Elise in our home not in a storage room in someone else’s house…or in an empty warehouse.

What’s wrong with me?  Where’s my phone? I’ll call Elise. That’s it!

“Elise? Thank God you are there. I don’t know where I am.”

“What do you mean; you don’t know where you are? Did you have an accident? I haven’t seen you since last night.”

“No, listen. I am in this room, this empty unfamiliar room. Just me and a chair. I don’t know how I got here.” 

“Russ, have you been drinking or taking those funny gummy things again? Go walk outside and look around….”

“No, nothing like that and that’s   the thing, Elise, the door is locked. And the widows are covered so I can’t see outside. “

“There has to be a logical explanation, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“The last thing I remember is that we were having dinner at home. You and me…and that’s all.”

“Yes, you did have dinner with us last night but I don’t remember anyone kidnapping you or you going out in your pajamas in the middle of the night. When I woke you were gone. I was about to call the police. What aren’t you telling me, Russ?”

“Elise, I swear. This is the truth. You could come and get me….only if I knew where I was.”

“Boy, what a crazy dilemma. And with your birthday right around the corner, Russ. Is this a practical joke? Because it’s not funny.”

“Elise, I’m serious. Elise….? “Damn, my phone died and I don’t have a charger. 

Why? Because I don’t have my damn briefcase and I’m in some damn unfamiliar place for some damn unknown reason.

 I could call the cops if it weren’t so embarrassing. They’d probably think I was up to something fishy and take me in for questioning. Oh wait, I can’t call the police.. My phone is dead.

I could break a window to escape but what if I’m on the 10^th floor? Maybe there’s a fire escape. No, I have a bad knee, that wouldn’t work.

I know, I can could use my GPS and ask it to take me home.  Then I might have an idea of where I am when it shows my starting point.  But my phone is dead!

I’m screwed. Well, it’s worth one more try…I’ll get up close to the door.

“HELP…HELP! SOMEBODY”

Oh my God, thank God, the door is opening!

“Elise, how did you get here? And so fast? What’s going on? How did I get here? How did you find me?”

“Calm down, Russ. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY.  We’re in the unfinished room the new house Susan and Sid are building. We slipped you a little Ambien last night to get you here.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Remember, Russ, you said you didn’t want another birthday gift unless it was something really out of the ordinary. But at the same time, personal”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Well, think. What does this room remind you of, Mr. writer guy? Why does this room seem familiar but not?”

“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been here before.”

“Oh not in this unfamiliar room specifically. But one of your characters has been. See Page 72 of your book BEHIND LOCKED DOORS. Ring a bell?

“How how does it feel to be in your very own story? Something out of the ordinary but personal. “

“Very inspired, Elise. You aren’t a party planner for nothing. At least I don’t have to climb down a fire escape to get home. I hope you have the engine running out there…”

“No, but I brought your phone charger.  Now, all you have to do is get into character and figure out how to escape!

“The door will lock behind me, Russ. But I’m not worried. You can write your way out!  Oh, and I even brought a chair cushion. Happy Birthday, honey!”