His Reality

              Seth had worked for ‘At Your Service Security' for some time. They gave him an event, time, and location and he showed up and did the job. The weekend he met Lilyanna he was working a local battle of the bands festival. It wasn’t somewhere Seth ever would have gone willingly. In fact, he despised music. He hated the vibration of the bass through his body, hated the ringing in his ears, hated the half intoxicated, half high hippies grinding on each other and calling it dancing. He hated all of it. These gigs didn’t come along often and a pay cheque was a pay cheque; so he accepted the job that would lead him to the love of his life.

 An hour in on the first day he was already bitter and uncomfortable in the environment. His only saving grace became his daily drink at the beer garden after his shift. 

It wasn’t the stale, flat beer that kept bringing him back. It was the waitress that served it to him. Lilyanna was a frequent bar tender at any event that wasn’t held in an actual bar. She looked as though she held her innocence near and dear, but had a mystery about her that compelled Seth to keep going back for the subpar, overpriced beer. 

Lilyannas Auburn hair perfectly framed her face and she wore just enough makeup that it made her eyes look a deep emerald that held secrets and stories of the highest regard; and Seth wanted to know each and every one of them. She handled herself with unquestionable confidence but it was clear she didn’t know how beautiful she truly was as there was not a hint of vanity in the way she carried herself. Her curves were in all the right places and Seth’s curiosity was enough to make the job he couldn’t stand, something to look forward to.

It took Seth until the last day of the festival to work up the courage to ask this near goddess to grab a drink at a time they were both off duty. He hadn’t been so drawn to someone since the death of his girlfriend nearly 11 months earlier, and his nerves made him feel like a giddy teenage boy. “I was convinced you were never going to ask” she teased him. “ Maybe I could pencil you in”. She flashed the most perfect smile he had ever seen, and turned on her heel leaving him staring after her. 

Their love blossomed quickly and without hesitation as only true love can. Before long they had become inseparable and it was decided that Lilyanna would move into Seth’s one bedroom home that had just enough space for the both of them. Although marriage had been discussed, neither felt the need to validate their relationship with a slip of paper; so on their one year anniversary Seth gave Lilyanna a silver bracelet engraved with “till death do us part”. That one piece of jewelry was enough for the two of them to feel like they were linked for life.

It was around the same time that ‘At Your Service Security' assigned Seth to the annual battle of the bands festival for the second year in a row. He knew there was no way he could make it through that again, especially without his silver lining at the end of the day so he tried to turn it down. When he was told he either took the job or he would no longer have one it awakened a sleeping rage inside him that was both unexpected, and slightly aggressive which led to him being fired on the spot regardless. When Lilyanna found out she couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. She had never known Seth to be violent or short tempered. They knew everything about each other; the only topic that both of them avoided was family. As far as they were concerned they were each other’s family and that’s all they needed. She tried to show him as much compassion and understanding as she could muster only hoping that his sudden burst of anger was a one time deal.

 Lilyanna knew he hated music. It became abundantly clear the day she reached to turn on the radio during one of their drives with no destination. His hand was over the knob before hers could even get halfway there. “I prefer the silence, love.” He explained with his sweet and charming smile. “the sound of your voice is the only music I need to hear”. 

Seth’s demeanor started to change after losing his job. The nightmares started off subtle and infrequent but grew to be nightly and almost disturbing to see. Often Lilyanna would wake to the sound of blaring music coming from outside the house, and an empty spot in the bed next to her. Every time she would find him standing barefoot in his garage, staring, but not really seeing, the radio in front of him with the volume as high as the controls would allow. She became used to what she could only assume was sleepwalking and it became routine to go and lead him back to bed. 

Seth explained away his unusual behavior by saying he's stressed about losing his job and is starting to get anxious about finances. Lilyanna knew he hadn’t been sleeping well and thought maybe the sleep deprivation was getting to him more than she had realized. It was when he divulged he had been feeling watched and followed for some time that she really started to worry about him. Seth suggested the two of them take a miniature vacation. “it would be good for us Lily. Just a few days. The two of us with no obligations, no responsibilities. Peace and quiet, let’s get away from all the stress, love”. Lilyanna agreed. It would be nice to get away for a while and she promised to try and take the time off work. She knew he needed this, and she was willing to do almost anything to help pull him out of his slump. 

That night Lilyanna woke to the sound of Seth’s voice mumbling in desperation, his body coated in sweat. “No…..wait…..stop….please”. She couldn’t pick out many words, but stroked his wet, matted hair and told his sleeping self that it was all going to be okay. It was becoming more and more clear that Seth held on to some sort of trauma that he hadn’t shared with her. 

The next morning Lilyanna woke early and tip toed her way to the kitchen to make breakfast. When Seth came to the table she asked the pressing question on her mind as she served him his bacon pancakes and scrambled eggs. “What is it you dream about hun? What gets you so upset?” the question alone made Seth tense but he knew it was time to share this part of himself with Lily. His eyes looked as though they were glazed over as he was pulled into a memory of being just a boy.

Nine year old Seth hides under the dining room table with his knees pulled to his chest. He knows mommy stopped her medicine again and he hopes that the floral cloth draped over the table he’s under is long enough to hide from her this time. He can hear mommy calling for him in a sing song voice that most children would go running to, but he knows better when mommy has the music on. “come dance with mommy Seth”. Her voice rings through his ears and sends shivers down his spine. He knows mommy doesn’t really want to dance. He knows what happens when the music is loud. He knows that if mommy finds him, she’s going to hurt him again. He sees her shadow creeping closer to his hiding place and squeezes his eyes shut as tight as he can, praying it will make him disappear. Seth jumps when the cloth is lifted and mommys smiling face is staring back at him. “why wont you dance with mommy Seth?” 

He’s pulled out of his memory when Lilyanna gently takes his head and cradles it against her chest. She’s fighting back tears of her own as she tries her best to comfort the one person in the world she would die for. “She was schizophrenic” he went on. “she was convinced I had demons in me… and whenever she went off her meds she thought she was doing Gods work by beating them out of me. I think she played the music so loud so no one would hear me when I screamed. When I sleep I hear the music, and all I can see is the smile on her face grow wider with each blow to mine” 

Lilyannas heart sank to the pit of her stomach. “you poor thing. I’m so sorry baby I had no idea what you had been through.” Lily stammered looking for the right words that would bring comfort to this broken soul. She settled on “we’re together now. I can help you get through this. Lets do it, lets go away for a few days.” Seth wrapped his arms around her waist and allowed his eyes to close without another word.

The next day they found the perfect destination for a mid October getaway. There were lakeside cottages surrounded by a lightly forested area. They were happy to find the honeymoon cottage open and available complete with a fire place and plenty of space for the privacy they were both looking for. On the other side of the property there were three smaller cottages close together that were being rented out for the same dates, but it caused no worry due to the amount of space in between. Feeling closer than ever, they packed their bags and counted the hours until they could be on their way. 

It was a two and a half hour drive from home to the cottage. Seth had become increasingly anxious and irritable, and Lily lost count of how many times she saw him looking over his shoulder no matter where they were. When asked what he was looking for, he would claim “nothing” or “just looking around”, until the one time Lily swore she heard him mumble something about being watched. The drive was otherwise uneventful spent mainly in silence with their fingers intertwined. 

It was their third night there when they ran into the renter’s across the way for the first time. A bunch of university students rented all 3 cottages to celebrate the passing of exams. They seemed nice enough, and offered Seth and Lilyanna over for a drink that evening. Seth stared into Lily’s eyes hoping she could read his expression enough to politely decline. Lily gently gave his hand a squeeze that said “ we've got each other now, you’re safe”. Seth smirked at the realization that the two of them could have a whole conversation without ever speaking a word. After a moment Seth said “thanks, we'll be there” holding on to the hope that he would be able to get through a party now that he had finally opened up to someone about his past. Maybe he could be better now. As they walked back to their cottage Lilyanna couldn’t help but notice that Seth was staring intently into the forest, focused on something she couldn’t see. 

As night fell, they walked across the field and introduced themselves to the group sitting at the picnic table close to a roaring fire pit. Music shook the windows from inside, and although it made Seth tense up, he felt more in control and at ease than he had in months. Maybe Lily really could be his cure. 

When offered a drink, Seth initially said no, but the group insisted he accept the hospitality and after all, it was only one. “you don’t have to drive bud, relax” one joked. Of course one drink turned Into three, then four, and Seth became aware that for the first time in their relationship Lily was getting drunk. He could feel himself losing control with each drink he had. He found himself frantically searching for the eyes he could feel burning into him but was met with nothing in return. The song changed and Lilyanna screamed “I LOVE this song! Seth come dance with me!” Seths world started to go black and Lily had no idea what she had just done. His eyes narrowed, his body stiffened, and in the calmest manner possible Seth said “I’m going home”. Lily, completely oblivious to the change in Seth’s entire presence, promised to meet him back at home after just one more drink. 

Seth turned his back and walked back to the cottage with his hands stuffed in his pockets and balled into fists. He could feel the eyes. He could feel them looking through him. He feels the presence and as he walks images of his past and present are flashing all around him. He sees his mother lifting the table cloth, he sees Lily handing him a beer. He sees his late ex's face, his mother’s smile, the crinkle in Lily’s eyes when she had a genuine smile. He grabbed his head desperate to stop the visions, and sprinted the rest of the way.

 Back at the cottage he downed a glass of water and layed down in bed. He was drifting in and out of sleep when he heard Lilyanna stumble into the room. She kissed his cheek, whispered “I love you” and drifted effortlessly off to sleep. In short succession, he fell back into his nightmares. 

Seth springs up in bed gasping for air, sweat soaking through his shirt. He reaches for Lily but is met with an empty bed. He walked through the house turning on every light and calling her name, his panic raised when there was no response. He ran to the patio door and hearing the gentle bump of bass in the distance thought maybe she went back to the party. He ran to grab his boots to look for her when he noticed they were caked in mud and leaves. “not again, not again, not again” he stammered afraid now that deep down, he knew Lily was gone. 

Seth ran around back and immediately saw the large pile of leaves. The pile wouldn’t have drawn so much attention had it not been the only one on the entire property. He felt like he floated over to the out of place pile and immediately noticed the pale hand protruding from the mound of foliage. It only took Seth a second to recognize the bracelet he had given to Lilianna on their first anniversary. He uncovered Lily’s head, and noticed the tears streaming down his face when they dripped down to hers. He pulled her onto his lap and begged the world for answers. 

It was in that moment the eyes Seth had been feeling on him became clear in the distance from among the trees. He saw no distinctive features, or clothing but the eyes he could see a mile away. A fleeting thought crossed his mind about his mother being right about him having demons. Worse, he worried he had become her. Suddenly the figure was right in front of him. He finally recognized the eyes as his own, and the world went silent as it’s mouth spoke in Seth’s voice. “you did this. It’s always you Seth”.

“Your mother”

He sees a vision of his younger self holding a pillow over his mother’s face as she was in a deep, medicated sleep.

“Your ex”

A flash of him pinning his last love, struggling to hold a pillow to her face.

“Lilyanna”

The tears in her eyes as his hands grasp the cottage pillow Lily begs him, she pleads. But Seth’s eyes are completely glazed over and he held no expression on his face. He stares blankly at the wall propped up on Lily’s chest pinning her arms with his knees as he calmly presses the pillow hard onto Lily’s face.

The figure of himself spoke clearly and knowingly. “your sleepwalking and your black outs are not those of an innocent man. You are your mother son. You have stolen lives, good lives with many years left worth living and now you know what you have to do. You need to disappear. You need to rid the world, of you” Seth could suddenly recall everything he had done and knew that this figure, his conscience, was there to make things right. 

The following day the grounds keeper found the pair of lovers; bodies curled together in the bed of leaves. The police were on the scene within minutes of the call being placed as the station wasn’t far from the lake. Being a seasoned officer, Bridge knew the tell tale signs of asphyxiation in both subjects. Cause unclear. Officer Bridge crouched beside Lily and read the engraving on the bracelet decorating her wrist. “till death do us part”. He sighed at the irony, and called for transport. This was going to be a long case.