Another Day

By the time I stepped outside the leaves were on fire, and I was running late. It was a beautiful site the orange and red leaves cascading down from the trees, but no time to bask in their beauty unless I wanted to be in trouble with Sierra again.

Laughing at the memory of the last lunch date I missed with my best friend, I hurried down the street. Just as I reached the cafe I heard a loud screech from behind me turning around to see Sierra in her Audi waiting for me.

Pulling me into a tight hug she said, " I missed you LaiLai."

Smiling and pulling her close I replied, "You too RaRa."

When we finally pulled apart she nearly dragged me into the cafe. I went to get our drink orders while she found us a table. The woman in front of me in the line was arguing on the phone about some kind of proposition from some company to hers that she did not agree with, and all I could understand about that argument was whatever they were offering wasn't nearly enough in the lady's perspective for the product produced.

Finally, I reached the counter and ordered my Pumpkin Spice Latte and Sierra's Caramel iced coffee. As it turned out the person making my drink is Johnathon, an old friend from college, and we ended up talking for a few minutes while I waited. Johnathon is a year younger than me with blonde hair and brown eyes; if he weren't gay he would be the perfect boyfriend, a girl can dream.

Walking to the table Sierra found I sat down our drinks and slid onto the chair next to hers. Sierra has been my best friend since high school, and she is the only person who has known me for so long. When I moved to New York at fourteen I was an army brat who had never lived in one place for long with a natural disposition for being a loner, but Sierra wasn't having it. My mom had been discharged from the army honorably after being injured and decided to take a job at a large telecommunications agency in New York with her Masters in Telecommunications. Sierra lived only a few blocks from our apartment that my mom had decided to rent, and things just went from there.

"Lai, are you even listening?", I heard Sierra ask breaking me from my reverie.

Snapping my head up to look at her I said, " Sorry RaRa, I was just thinking about when I first moved here."

Laughing at her own memories she grabbed my hand and said, "I was just asking how come you haven't let me go yet?"

"What was that?", I asked worriedly.

"Why haven't you let me go."

As those words were repeated a second time I jerked awake from my dream of a happier time to find myself in my dingy apartment alone as always anymore. Sierra had never asked me that question in the dreams before, but I knew she was right; why hadn't I let her go? Because I caused her death? Because I should have been there? Because I know that those dreams are the last place I will ever get to see her again?

That day is the day Sierra died, she was pulling out of the cafe parking lot when she looked back to wave goodbye to me and was hit by a drunk driver who swerved into the lane.

One difference was that this had happened in the middle of winter, on a day whose coldness expressed without what I felt within... not a beautiful fall day full of falling leaves and new beginnings. Another difference was our actions with each other, in reality, we had been fighting that day because I didn't think I had the time to be wasting on a get together with her, my new job was more important to me. I had put a job before my best friend, and subsequently lost the job when I stopped showing up for work because it was too painful after losing her.

I don't even remember what day or month it is. I haven't looked at my phone in months because the passing time is just another reminder, my apartment is being paid for by my mother which originally was only temporary until my job started paying me enough, and I only go out when I need to buy groceries. To say the least I have not let her go.

Thinking about my dream makes me decide to do something different today and go to our cafe. As I put on some clothes and walk out of my building to the cafe that's only a little less then a mile away I notice the leaves are falling all around me... just like in my dream.

Moving faster towards the cafe in curiosity, I feel something spark inside of me. Reaching the doors and walking inside, I see that the place only has one or two other customers present. Going up to the counter and ordering a drink I smile at Johnathon who apparently still works here and almost don't hear him as I went to turn away to go sit down, " I'm sorry about Sierra Laila."

Looking at him with tears in my eyes I try to respond. Seeing the tears he comes around the counter, saying something to his coworker and getting a nod in response, and grabbing me by the shoulders leads me to sit in the same spot we did that day.

He doesn't even try to talk after we are seated he only grabs me and rubs my back quietly as I feel the tears from earlier escaping down my cheeks and sobs breaking free from my throat. I don't think I even cried at Sierra's funeral, not once since her death, but here I am crying in the arms of someone who I barely remember from college.

As time passes and the tears finally dry up I look at Johnathon and say, "Thank you.".

He kisses me on the forehead and replies, "Anytime Laila, we were friends once and I wouldn't mind being friends again maybe even get closer than before if you wouldn't mind. I need some more friends around here and I would bet you do too."

My dream was right I thought as I left the cafe the leaves really did look like they were made of fire as they fell from the trees, and as I stood there and watched them for a few moments I also said my final goodbye to my best friend.