Meet me when you can

Wind was breezing when I sat down on the swing. My cheeks were moist from crying. I push my lips and eyes together to stop the tears. I sighed and looked up to the playground’s gate. I noticed him and Niuksu coming towards me and I smiled, one tear falling on my right cheek. I quickly brushed it away with my sleeve. Niuksu pulled out of his grasp and ran into my arms. Her fur was softer than ever before and she was so happy, just like him. I envied them a little. 

“Thought I would find you here,” he laughed when he reached me. I lift my eyes and admire him, still petting Niuksu.

He chuckled. “Of course I came, missed you.” 

He put his hand on Niuksu, his eyes scanning her. I look at Niuksu as well and wonder when was the last time that I got to do that. 

“I missed you too, so so much,” I say as another tear falls on my left cheek. I turn my head away from him and I swipe it away as fast as I can, I don't want him to see me like this. I turn my head back and see him looking at me and smiling, sparks in his eyes. He comes and hugs me. I hide my head in his dark blue sweater and squeeze him as tight as I can. I have really missed him. He retreats and looks for another swing to sit down. He takes a few steps towards the swing next to me and sits on it. I cannot take my eyes off of him and I cannot say anything. I feel like my thoughts are pouring out of my head, leaving only sorrow and leaving only a little spark of happiness.

“What do you think, when a locust travels through grass, what would it smell? Is it like a forest for us?” I ask. He chuckles again. I chuckle a little as well. Laughter is contagious, even if it is just a chuckle, I thought.  

“Where do these thoughts come from?” he asks as he looks at me with his delicate green eyes. I always thought that in this world there is nowhere to find eyes like his. 

“The world is my inspiration,” I say as I put my chin up and act proud. He smiles at that.

“You were always special,” he says. He turns his head towards Niuksu and directs her to sit. 

“I still think we have to talk,” he says as he turns his head to me again. He smiles but the pain is visible. I bite my lip and try not to cry, even though my eyes are covered with tears. 

“It is scary tho,” I say as I tuck my hands into my sleeve and look at my boots. I start to shake my head, “I really don't want to talk about it, I really don't. Please I don't want to,” the tears start rolling and I dry them with my sleeve. It is quite moist. 

Niuksu stands up and puts her head on my lap. 

“Please don't say anything, because if you do then it is real and then I realize that I can never hug you and that I can never brush Niuksu’s furr and that I can never dance in the kitchen at night again. Please just for a few moments, let me believe that everything is okay. Just please don't.” Breathing is hard, and I try not to make any noise but my body makes it hard to breath and I start gasping. 

He stands up and crouches down in front of me. He puts his hands on my cheeks and looks me in the eyes. 

“I know that you don’t want to talk about that but we have to. I'll be here for you, ” he smiles, “Is that okay?” I look away. The playground is empty and the rain clouds are getting closer. Wind is still warm. Niuksu is looking in the same direction as me. He stands up and lets her loose. He sits down on the swing. 

I sigh. “Okay,” I look at him again, “but you have to start.” I bite my lip to keep it together.  “I can start, my dear, ” he says as he reaches for my hand. 

“It is the last time when we meet. ” 

“I know, but does it have to be?” I say longingly. 

“I don't want it to be this way, believe me,” he is smiling, eyes forming tears. 

“I don't want to let go. I really don't want to,” my eyes are swelling up. He is squeezing my hand. “I feel like our story is a tragedy,” I add.  

“My dear, there are no words in this world that could convince you that it is not. I believe I would feel the same. I still wish that you didn't.“ He sighs, “I love you, honey.” 

“I love you too,” I say through tears. 

“Please visit my and Niuksu’s grave,” he says as he looks for Niuksu and calls for her. 

“I will, my love,” I say standing up and going to him. Niuksu is running back to us. I hug both of them. 

“Please don't go yet,” I say as I fall on the ground. They have vanished. I let myself just lay there. The rain clouds are here and I feel the first raindrops. Someone is crying with me. And then I hear sobbing. I sit up and try to find that someone. The rain makes it hard to see clearly. I stand up and try to look around, to find the one who is crying. I start walking to the entrance. There I can see a little ball. When I get closer I can see that the little ball is a puppy. I squat. Little ball of fur looks at me with its beautiful eyes. 

“Oh, you poor thing,” I say as I move my hand closer to the puppy to pet it. 

“Would you like to go home?” I ask as I gently take him in my arms.