Now its too late

Get out of the way!

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!

CRASH

Keep calm, it's ok, you're gonna be ok sweetie.

Beep, beep, beep.

Beep, beep.

Beep.

Beep?

Wait, Beep?

Suddenly, i'm awake, but not really awake. My vision is black, abyssal black, black as in death black. Strange? Automatically, my mind searches for the familiar- what's that word? Ah yes, feeling of home. It finds nothing. Instead, the crisp scent of disinfectant and the squeak of a sneaker against smooth floor cuts through my thoughts.

Did I just forget the word feeling?

Like dust under a broom, my previous thoughts are swept away by the muffled beep of some machine. It feels eerie, almost like i'm stuck underwater and no matter how much I bang against the surface, the barrier won't break.

And suddenly i'm freezing. For a second, I had forgotten what the cold was, even that it existed. There it is again, the beep, beep, beep.

Shut up! I almost snap at the sound, until I realise my lips won't move, can't move. My whole body feels like lead, and suddenly, i'm terrified.

Huh?

I try again. Nothing. My body seem to be cut off from my brain, not receiving the frantic signals I keep sending it.

Move! I said move!

That's when I notice it. The slight pressure on my head, on my temples, to be specific.

What does specific mean?

I don't know. You seem to use that word a lot.

No - Stay focused on one thing. Mustering all the concentration in my body, I try to visualize what that pressure is. Not so much pressure, more like... more like something is stuck to me.

Beep, beep, beep.

Just shut up already!

Did you really just tell me to shut up?

I backtrack in my mind as I realize I'm not in that, what was it? Well, wherever I was anymore. That phrase, just shut up already, sends a trigger to my brain, and then it's pulled.

Boom.

I'm back at the foster home again.

My breath comes in short hot gasps as I register the scene around me.

No, not again.

I feel my heart fall into my stomach as my eyes land on the same crumbling walls I leant against years ago. The exact same mark I drew in the corner, barely visible. Help me.

As real as ever, the stained wooden furniture litters the middle of the room, matching with the withering curtains and cloud of gloom that settles on the house.

My gaze land on a small-ish girl huddled in the corner, an expression of pure fury mixed with deep sadness on her face. My brow starts to sweat as I realise the girl is me, 12 year old me, furiously digging my nails into my hands and muttering curses under my breath. My eyes stay fixed on one spot, the door. I look at it like my life depends on it, and I almost laugh as I realise with a jolt, oh wait, it did.

A second later, I hear the familiar jungle of keys in the lock. 12 year old me scrambles to her feet, nearly tripping over herself in the haste to get to the door. To anyone else, I would have looked greedy and a psychopath, but I couldn't have helped it even if I tried. 48 hours without eating is enough to make anyone act like that. Right?

With one final thrust, the wooden door finally swings open, revealing my foster mother in the doorframe. She stood in a sassy pose, looking like an overdressed poodle in her fur-lined coat and frizzy hair. Her expression matched perfectly, and was all tied together with the phone she held to her ear and the pink gum that she chewed loudly. How I hated her. How many nights did I lie awake, just wishing a rock would land on her useless head and crush her-

¨ That what I told her! Yeah, Yes! And then she comes at the with that

¨ You think you're the queen of the world¨ line. Like, who does she think she is? I know... I know! Someone's gotta show her what's what.¨

I watched as my 12 year old self stared at her with the most intense expression on her face, practically begging her to end the call. I was slowly starving to death! And here was this overgrown toe fungus, chatting away whilst I had spent two whole days cooped up in that awful house with no food, practically no water, and barely enough toilet paper!

¨ Jesse.¨ I watched myself try to tug at Jesse's sleeve, my voice hoarse from the lack of drink.

She ignored me, simply sashaying into the living room and dumping her bags on the table. I observed silently, before trying again, this time louder.

¨ Jesse, please.¨

She ignored me once more, but not before shooting me a look that could kill and shrugging me off.

I wasn't having that today, and having enough, came close to my foster mothers free ear, and said, ¨ Jesse!¨

Instantly, she jerked her head from that side, whirling around to face me. A look of pure hatred passed across her face, darkening her exaggerated figures.

¨ What do you want?¨ She hissed, and I took my chance. Stuttering a little though, I began.

¨ Please, Jesse, I- I need- Want- Just, do you have any food?¨

For a few moments, she just looked at me like I was stupid, and then through a packet of gum at me. Of gum! She threw me a half empty packet of gum!

At that moment, she resumed her call, and I just glowered at her. My rage was beginning to bottle up, closer and closer to the edge like a volcano, until it overflowed.

¨ Just shut up! Close the damn phone and give me real food!¨

My scream startled her, and she whipped around, this time positively simmering with rage. She grabbed both of my shoulders, pinning me against the wall, and no matter how much I kicked and wriggled, I eventually had to stop because her nails had started to dig into my flesh.

¨ Did you just tell me to shut up?¨ She murmured, her voice hitting a whole new octave. My blazing confidence began to falter at this, and I felt on the verge of tears, but I would never give her the satisfaction of that. Silence.

She began again, pushing me more and more into the wall until I started finding it hard to breathe, ¨" I said, did you just tell me to SHUT UP?¨" She grabbed me and threw me across the room, and I yelped as I landed in a pile of foul-smelling boxes that barely cushioned my fall. My breath came in ragged and hollow gasps, rattling my whole chest in heaves. My vision now blurring from the tears, I remember seeing the blood-red heels of Jesse advancing on me.

¨ Why you little-¨

NO.

This time, my eyes really did jerk open, an unknown reflex jerking my body into a sitting position. The first thing I notice is the pool of sweat I lay in. The sheets of the bed absorbing it completely.

Sheets of a bed? Where am I?

Now that my vision was getting used to the blinding white light, I began to really see where I was. A white room that led into a hallway bustling with doctors and nurses surrounded me. Inside, there was the bed I was sitting on, with a bedside table with flowers on it and a whole arrangement of hospital machines on every wall. I recognised the sharp smell of disinfectant immediately, and a moment later, the now familiar beep, beep, beep. I realised it was coming from the large machine that measured my heartbeat beside me, and reaching up, I felt the tubes that were stuck onto my temples from before. It was all coming together now...

Suddenly, everything started coming back to me.

The tears streaking down my face as I put the car in drive, the screech of the tires on the wet road as I punched on the gas.

My fumbling fingers as I tried to record the last voice recording I would ever send to my cheating-liar of a boyfriend, now ex, filled with insults and hateful promises.

Throwing the phone out of the window when I finished. Not caring if it got driven over. What did a worthless hunk of metal mean to me now?

Remembering my hate-filled years in foster care, and how I tought I had finally escaped that torture with him, but no. Never.

Wiping my snotty nose on my sleeve and completely missing the red light.

The honks and shouts from other drivers and I drove straight into the busy highway.

The blinding white lights of another car, heading straight to me.

Now it's too late.