The Locked Door

From the time Raya was a young girl, she was told by the adults that she could be anything.

             “Anything?” Raya would ask.

           “Anything,” the adults would say. “Anything you put your mind to. Anything, if you’re willing to work for it.”

             As many little girls do, Raya believed the adults. They were adults after all. So, Raya would dream. She would dream of flying through space and touching the stars. “I want to go to space some day!” Raya would say.

             “That’s nice,” the adults would reply, “Though I don’t think they’re sending people to space much anymore. Why don’t you pick something else?”

             Not having any idea what the adults were talking about but believing that they must know these things because they were adults, Raya shoved the dream in a box and put it behind a door. Raya did not stop dreaming though. “I want to be an Olympic athlete when I grow up. I want to run in the summer Olympics!”

             “Really?” the adults would reply. “That dream seems like a lot of work.”

             “But you said that I can do anything if I would work for it!” Raya cried.

             “Well, yes, but that’s quite a bit of work. You’re not all that fast anyway.”

             “I wouldn’t be running in the Olympics for years and years yet. I have time to work at it.”

             “I just think that it would be too much work for you. All that training. Why don’t you pick something a little more realistic?”

             Raya spent some time with that dream before shoving it as well into a box and putting it behind that door alongside the space dream.

             “I want to travel the world! I want to visit exotic places like the ones I read about in my books!” Raya would say.

“That’s great, sweetie,” the adults would reply,” but how are you going to pay for it? That's not really a job.”

             “But you said I can be anything!”

             “Well, yes, but traveling the world isn’t an occupation.”

             “A traveler is an occupation!” Raya retorted.

             “Don’t talk to me like that, young lady,” the adults would warn.

             “But you said—”

             “That’s enough now,” the adults would say.

             Raya began to doubt that the adults believed their words. She began protecting those dreams by hiding them behind a door. She began sharing her dreams less and less. As adults do, however, they would occasionally ask Raya what she wanted to be. Raya would share her dream; the adults would reply, “Are you sure about that one? I can’t really picture you doing that.” Or “How are you going to make money doing that? Pick something else, dear.” On and on the cycle would go until Raya thought the only way to protect her dreams was to lock them away. So, she did. Raya gathered her dreams, put them in a room, and locked the door. The adults would still occasionally ask her about her dreams, but Raya no longer shared them. Instead, she would shrug her shoulders or reply that she did not know.

             Sometimes, when no one else was around, Raya would unlock the door and walk around the room. She would look at her dreams. Some dreams were flimsy, never fully developed, never even given a chance to develop beyond the mere thought of them. Other dreams were stronger, thicker, heavier as she had spent more time with them. They were colorful and bright though the edges were beginning to fray. Stuck behind the locked door, her dreams did not grow. Stuck behind the locked door, her dreams were no longer nurtured. The dreams stayed as they were, not moving forward, not allowed to fail even. A dream requires action, or they simply stay in the state of a dream. Raya was afraid, not of the dream itself, but of the adults and their never-ending negative opinions. Even though Raya herself was now an adult, she did not feel like one.

             As time went on, the visits to the room with the locked door became less and less frequent until one day Raya stopped visiting altogether. The combination of living her life with marriage, kids, and a job pushed the contents of that room completely out of her thoughts. Not to mention the painfulness of it. Life went on. Years went by. The locked door stayed locked until one day after a horrible work experience, Raya made the decision to change her life. No longer would she allow the adults to dictate, no longer would she allow the adults to grind her down and put her in a box, no longer would she value the opinions of the adults. Decision made, but what was she going to do?

             Raya then remembered the room with the locked door. It had been so long since she had opened the door that it took some time to find the key. After some searching, Raya found the lost key and hurriedly ran to the door. She unlocked the door unsure of what she would find. The room was dark, lit only by the light coming in from the open door. The contents of the room had been neglected for so long. Cobwebs were everywhere, and layers of dust were on everything. Raya walked slowly around the room wondering where to start or if this room was worth the time. As she wandered up and down the rows shining her light, Raya noticed that a few dreams were so faded, she could no longer tell what they had been. She stopped and looked around the room seeing the decay, the faded colors of her once vibrant dreams, feeling the disdain and the rejection of the adults, and Raya felt defeated before she even began. As she was about to give up, Raya saw the one dream. She smiled as she pulled it off the shelf wiping away the gathered dust. Could I? Raya thought. Raya grabbed a box and put the dream into it. Given her past experiences, Raya did not want to risk putting the dream out in the open yet. She took the boxed dream and left the room. The dream was the first one outside the room with the locked door in twenty years. Raya shut the door to the locked room. She hesitated but quickly locked the door to the room again. Not the time to go crazy, she thought to herself.

             Raya took the boxed dream out of its box only when no one else was around. She spent time with the dream, nurturing it, developing it, and the dream slowly began to grow. Months passed in her secret endeavor to cultivate her dream. Raya was too afraid to speak the dream aloud, however, even to her best friend. So, she kept it secret, keeping the dream in a box whenever she was not alone.

One day, Raya forgot to put her dream in the box, and her best friend stumbled upon it.

“What’s this?” the friend asked.

             Raya looked at the dream. She could feel her anxiety level rise as her heart began to race wondering what her friend would say. “It’s my dream,” Raya replied.

“Really?” the friend said in a surprised voice, “I thought I knew all your dreams.”

“I wasn’t ready to share it yet,” Raya said.

Her best friend looked at her curiously but said nothing. Raya breathed out a sigh of relief and relaxed her shoulders. Her dream was now out in the open.

             Raya continued spending time with her dream, but she no longer put it in the box. She openly discussed the dream with her best friend, but few others. Raya did not want to feel like she had to put her dream back in the room with the locked door.

             During a phone call, Raya’s best friend noted the number of years until retirement. As a teacher, the friend found the past two years of the pandemic long and difficult. “Maybe I’ll make some money with my dream. Then you can retire early,” Raya said seriously. Her best friend laughed.

“You laughed!” Raya said accusingly.

“Yes,” her best friend said, “You could make some money with your dream, but I thought your dream was all about the journey.”

Raya was stunned into silence by the comment. Her best friend continued the conversation as if nothing mind-blowing had been said. After the conversation ended, Raya sat there for several minutes. She reflected on the conversation. Her heart was full as she smiled. Raya got up and walked purposefully to the room with the locked door. She took out her key and opened it. She began prying the lock off the door, but it was taking too long. Suddenly, Raya had a different thought entirely. She began taking the door off its hinges. No longer would she live in fear of the adults’ opinions. No longer would she keep her dreams behind any door let alone a locked door. As Raya finished taking the door off its hinges, Raya stood back and smiled. For the first time in a long time, Raya felt like she could be anything.