Water

The Vendetta. To most who observe this rickety cargo ship at ports and landing pads, it’s nothing more than a random patchwork assortment of ship parts. The Vendetta isn’t one ship, it’s a scrapbook of other ships, which have gradually conjoined and merged into this jumbled, ragtag star striding entity. But to Elise Duthie, it was home, a stronghold and in the more dire of circumstances an intergalactic getaway car.

Life as a smuggler wasn’t easy, especially since wormholing had been outlawed for its ‘high risk of fracturing the spacetime continuum’, whatever that meant. But Elise made it work. The company on board wasn’t too bad either. Just her and her little sister, Trinity, cruising through the cosmos like a pair of rogue planets searching for a star.

Elise languished on the outside of The Vendetta, her safety wire looping freely across the eternal blanket of space. Meanwhile, her blow torch soldered a burrowing trench into the ship's hull. Space debris was always chinking The Vendetta’s not so shiny armour and once the job was done she turned to face the universe. The near endless expanse of nothingness, sporadically speckled with everything all at once. Almost everything in the universe was nothing, that fact alone made her content with being something, even if that something wasn’t much. She retired to the interior of the ship after a tussle with the temperamental airlock controls and strolled into the living quarters.

“You need to look at that airlock,” she said to Trinity, placing her feet and helmet on a small table. “One day we’re gonna get banished from this ship by that damn thing. Quicker than that time you got us banished from that bar on Montressa.”

“By the stars Elise, that was two years ago! Let go!” Trinity groaned. “Besides, they had it coming after spoiling the ending of that gamma tube show we were watching.”

The pair chuckled nostalgically, dare I say mischievously, before Elise sat up and began looking around.

“Speaking of which…” She fidgeted around looking for a comparatively mediaeval remote when weighed up against the device it controlled.

Trinity waved a hand wielding the remote smugly, then crashed on the dusty sofa next to her sister. The gamma tube sprang to life from the darkness as the flickering light encircled the area around them. The small tube that was stuck to the centre of the floor hummed gently as it projected the images and audio of great tales around them. Motion was everywhere, immersing them in virtual fairytales which hurdled freely around the room, unrestrained by rudimentary screens and speakers. It seemed that the great actors and creatures of the show were there before them in the flesh. The novelty of this toy for the rich which they’d ‘commandeered’ in their travels was gradually waning for Elise, but Trinity remained wide eyed and infatuated while her sister dozed off. Trinity remained fixated, lost in a childlike innocence while marvelling at the gamma tube weaving magic through the room.

***

The hours which elapsed passed in a blink, until Elise was abruptly woken by the bleating of an alarm. Jolting awake, she sat upright and immediately checked a device embedded into her palm. Her eyes widened in dreaded realisation.

“What’s-” Trinity was interrupted.

“Hull breach!” Elise gasped through racing breaths.

“I thought you fixed it!” Trinity grabbed at her spacesuit frantically as she spoke. 

“I did! It’s probably more space debris, or that airlock again!”

“Will you let go of the airlock thing already?!”

“We don’t have time for this,” Elise tried to hide how stressed she was. “Get to the bridge. I’m gonna seal the loading bay and try to stabilise the pressure in here before we suffocate.”

“That’s a pleasant thought.” Trinity pondered sarcastically.

“Go!” Elise shoved her towards the door then bolted past her down the narrow walkway.

For once having such a small ship came in handy and Elise was in the loading bay in no time. The pull of air leaking from the bay was significantly stronger than she expected. Space was reaching out for them and it soon hastened a grip on her. Elise fought with all her might to stay centred but the unbridled force of space was too much. She was sent hurtling towards the small yet catastrophic breach, like she’d been caught in the whipped frenzy of a cyclone. At the hapless mercy of the universe, she forced herself against the breach and tried to lower an emergency shutter over it to no avail. The rickety old shutter had seized in place and rusted to a halt. The pressure in the ship dipped dangerously low and Elise could feel her lips tingling. Blotches of black began blurring her vision, her breaths wheezed with fatigue and soon her hands felt numb. It was all lost.

In that fleeting yet lingering moment, she discovered the strange serenity of death. The calmness, the clarity, the feeling of returning to the cosmos. She blinked slowly, drowsily. Through her wavering gaze, she saw Trinity charge in and try to close the shutter. She screamed desperately to Elise, though her voice sounded distant and blurry. Finally, Elise drifted from consciousness, and Trinity soon followed.

***

Elise had heard all the accounts from the smugglers about near death experiences. They all sounded like mere stories, dramatic exaggerations or even full blown fabrications. Most of these smugglers had evidently been lying. Elise saw no glistening gates or gargantuan gleaming sky castles residing in a nest of stars as some described. Nor did she see herself dead as her formless consciousness escaped the vessel of her body. No, the truth was far less fluent or free-flowing.

Elise blinked into an open plane of sheer white light, stretching smoothly and endlessly in all directions. A shallow bed of water covered her feet. The odd, otherworldly texture sent shivers through her soul when it lapped delicately against her ankles. In the distance, she could hear mumbling voices which gradually echoed louder and louder until they were all around her. They encompassed every element of this place, yet the voices emanated from no mouth or being. Suddenly, a haunting clap of thunder rippled the water sensationally and Elise felt her entire spirit being dragged downward, cascading and spiralling into a void. She became consumed by a breed of fear which escaped mortal explanation then in a heartbeat, she was back aboard The Vendetta. Trinity was shaking her violently, teary-eyed and bleak-hearted.

“Elise, Elise look at me!” Wearily, Elise opened her eyes and looked around the ship. The shutter had been pulled down and the breach was sealed. She checked the readings on her palm device and had to double take when all the ship's vitals were normal.

“You, you did it.” Elise was dripping cold sweat and shaking.

“Only just.” Trinity conceded. “I passed out near enough soon as I shut it.”

They sat there for several silent minutes, gently shivering while they tried to suppress the weaving trauma and gather their wits.

“I- I think I was-” Trinity's voice trailed off and grew fearful. “Elise, were we dead?”

“I- I don’t know.” She wiped her forehead with a quivering, pale palm. “I saw things, heard things, felt things I can’t explain.”

“Like what?” Trinity sat up and held her sister’s hand desperately. “Try to explain it, please.”

“Everything was white,” she spoke after some hesitation. “There was water everywhere, then voices that felt like they were going to rip me apart. Then I fell, and just kept falling. What about you? What did you see?”

Trinity curled into a ball and couldn’t look Elise in the eye.

“Trinity, what did you see?”

“I only saw the first part.” She mumbled.

***

Days passed where the two barely spoke. They could only think of one subject to talk about, and neither wanted to reminisce on it. They breezed by each other like ghosts, wondering how lucky they truly were to have come back. Ignorance is bliss, and there are certain pieces of knowledge in this life that we are simply not meant to know. They both felt like they had returned, but couldn’t help thinking they’d left something behind.

Elise was aimlessly tinkering with a dial on the ship, trying to convince herself she was busy. She saw a familiar figure in the doorway from the corner of her eye. She didn’t bother turning to face them. 

“Trin, perfect timing. There’s a spare pressure valve in the loading bay toolbox, can you run and grab it for me?” Trinity didn’t reply.

“Trin, hurry it up! Got my hands full here.” She lied.

“What is it, Elise?” Trinity appeared hurriedly at the doorway on the other side of the room. “I got here quick as I could. Heard you through my earpiece.”

Elise spun around, swivelling her glance between Trinity and the now vacant doorway. Her hands began shaking and the tool she was wielding clanged against the floor. She lent against the wall and wilted down to her knees.

“Are you hurt? What’s going on?”

Elise’s voice trembled when she replied.

“Has err, anything strange been happening to you lately? You know, ever since…”

“Nothing more unusual than any other day.” She chuckled nervously. “Seriously Elise, what’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“I just-” she cut off. A sharp, cold sensation twinged in the core of her mind. She played it down, then carried on talking as soon as she could manage to avoid worrying Trinity.

“Ever since what happened with the shutter, I’ve been feeling off.”

“Off?” Trinity raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sure how else to describe it. I just feel like something isn’t right with me. Or the ship for that matter.”

Trinity sat down next to her and draped a skinny arm over her shoulder. “You died, Elise. Of course that’s going to take a toll on us! But you came back right? Coming back from the dead is nothing to worry about, it’s when you stay there that’s the problem.”

“We came back, yes. But…” her voice trailed off again, considering whether the thought was worth sharing.

“But what?” Trinity was less talented at disguising her nerves than her sister.

“But do you think anything came back with us?”

“What do you mean? How could anything follow you back from, wherever that other place is?”

Elise found herself suppressing shallow, hysterical breaths when she cast her eyes back at the doorway. The shadowy figure was looming over her once more. Cautious not to scare Trinity, she smiled weakly but her eyes betrayed her.

“Nevermind,” she chuckled. “Just the lack of sleep getting to me I think.”

“If you insist,” Trinity accepted the answer, but didn’t believe it. “If anything weird happens you’ll tell me though, right?” Trinity stood up and Elise peered over her shoulder at the motionless, silent figure in the doorway. The figure ached with dread, and instilled a great misery in Elise as its eyes bore down on her.

“Of course.” She smiled tearfully.

“I’ll go grab that pressure valve for you.” Trinity left, leaving Elise and the shadow to stare coldly into one another.

***

Days faded into weeks. The Vendetta still trundled along the lengthy, mundane trail to its drop-off planet, Earth. Rumours and wives tales said that Earth was the first planet humans lived on, but Elise (like many others) wasn’t sold on the idea. Earth was nothing more than an isolated outer rim planet, reserved for its off the books trading and fugitive gangs these days. It was the faded jewel upon this rusted necklace of a system, surrounded by a plethora of failed colonies and mining ventures. The sisters spoke about the odd nature of Earth often, and today was no exception.

“Of course it wasn’t the first, look at it,” declared Elise. “It’s small, minimal landmass even for its size, extremely finite resources, in the middle of cosmic nowhere and ruled by complete anarchy!”

“And?” Replied Trinity. “What has anarchy got to do with it? The near entirety of the universe is governed by anarchy with the occasional sprinkling of organised democratic corruption here and there, why does Earth have the right to be any different? Besides, who says Earth’s always been this way? It could have been much better in the past.”

“It would have struggled to be worse,” she chuckled back. “You’ve been watching those gamma tube shows about it again, haven’t you?”

“I know you think they’re daft, but some of the stuff they talk about is really interesting. Like they said thousands of years ago before humans invented flying, they built ships that went on water! Water Elise, can you believe that?!”

“Invented flying?” She scoffed. “That’s like saying someone invented air, it’s always been around.”

“Well there had to be a first flying ship at some point.”

Trinity’s voice faded out of focus. The mention of water flashed Elise’s mind back to death. The blinding white light, the water around her feet, the thunder, the falling. She shook her head and sat down. Trinity sat next to her looking concerned.

“Got a headache again? Want me to grab you something to drink?”

“How are you coping so well, Trin?” Elise ignored the question.

“With what?”

“What do you think? We came back from the dead! I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and everytime I shower I get flashbacks to that… place. Yet here you are, fresh as a food pouch and acting like nothing happened. How do you do it?”

“Well, it’s not that hard. You see I-” She was cut off by Elise jumping to her feet.

“Stowaway!” She pointed at a person hiding behind a crate at the far end of the loading bay. They immediately bombed out the bay but Elise and Trinity were hot on their heels.

“Come on, they went this way!” Elise flanked right down a narrow walkway towards the engine room while Trinity struggled to keep pace.

“Elise, wait!” She shouted in vain.

Elise was within a few paces of the hooded stowaway who kept bounding down the walkway with heavy footsteps. In a moment of pure instinct, Elise leapt through the air and tackled them to the ground. They struggled and fought but couldn’t find their feet. Elise pelted them into submission with a swift knee to the ribs then yanked the hood back.

Time froze. The world around her fell still. The air bent and twirled in peculiar, surreal ways as it folded around the contorting coils of reality.

“Do you understand now?” Trinity was no longer out of breath, and stood squarely a few paces behind them.

Elise shuffled away on her hands and heels, her heart racing.

“H-how.” She pulled herself up gingerly using the handrail. “Who are you?”

“I am you.” Replied the stowaway, a mirror perfect reflection of Elise, with exception to the much paler skin. “I am the version of you that has accepted reality. I am Reality.”

“Reality? But this is reality! Trinity, I told you strange things have been happening since we came back. We’re losing our minds! We left our sanity in that place!”

“We?” Trinity spoke softly, solemnly. “You said it yourself, I’m fine… Do you understand now?”

Elise turned slowly, grief stricken tears gliding down her face. Deep seeded wounds sprouted and blossomed into dread.

“...no…” she whispered.

“I didn’t come back, Elise. That’s why it isn’t affecting me.”

“But you’re here!” She cried hysterically. “You pulled the shutter down! You saved us!”

“Did she?” Reality piped in. “We tried the shutter ourselves, it was jammed. If we couldn’t pull it down, do you really think Trin would be able to?”

A rampant heartbeat was drumming in Elise’s ears, stopping her from focusing on her thoughts.

“But if I’m alive then the shutter must have been fixed! I wouldn’t be here if the breach was still open.”

“You still don’t see me, do you?” Reality was slowly becoming transparent, ebbing from the world. 

“Trin is de-” Elise swallowed the tears down. “Trinity is gone, I’m not. What more is there to it?”

“The Vendetta doesn’t have shutters, Elise.” Trinity looked to the ground guiltily.

“What? Of course it does.” Then she realised, the reality had been staring her in the face this whole time.

“I died days ago Elise. The airlock malfunctioned and flushed me out of the ship.”

“None of this is real!” Reality shouted brashly, bolder than before. “You need to understand! You have invented this false reality in your mind because you can’t accept the truth. You need to let go!”

“Am I dead too?” Elise whimpered.

“Yes.” Said Reality.

“No!” Shouted back Trinity. “You’re alive, but none of this is real. You aren’t on The Vendetta. You have to let go.” Trinity sobbed wretching tears and cupped Elise’s red-eyed face.

“The airlock.” Elise whispered.

“You understand now.” Trinity smiled one last time.

The world around Elise imploded in a blink, delusion collapsed into shattering reality and she found herself floating in space. Trapped in her spacesuit with The Vendetta nowhere in sight, she was still holding the unsuited, frozen dead body of Trinity in her arms. She remembered now. They had been flushed out the ship as she reboarded from the exterior maintenance job. She’d been meaning to fix the airlock for weeks, but it was too late now.

The emergency rations in her suit had expired, her oxygen was nearing zero. She was not dead yet, but in reality she may as well be. With one final tear, she let go of Trinity and allowed her body to drift towards the stars.

Elise suddenly felt water around her feet…