Jenna stood at the door of her grandmother's house in the village, which had become hers after her grandmother's passing. She took a deep breath. She had gone far away from everyone. Back to the past. Starting over. All she needed was to recall old dreams and figure out when everything went downhill.
Jenna settled into the worn-out armchair and closed her eyes.
"This house will need a major cleanup in the coming days," she thought.
She saw herself as a five-year-old girl in the same room. She wore a white, frilly skirt with pink polka dots. The rhythm of "Lambada" echoed in her memory, and she could almost hear the music. The five-year-old girl danced. Her heart was joyful. She could smell pancakes topped with maple syrup that her grandmother used to make.
Later that day, or maybe another, she stained the same skirt with oil she found in a can in the garage while playing. She could now see her grandmother washing the skirt with homemade soap she claimed was the only one that could remove stains. No one believed Grandma could do it, but the skirt ended up clean and as good as new.
"Grandma always has magic," she used to say as a child.
Grandma's hug was healing when her father left with another woman. Her mother became cold and distant. Jenna felt like her mom couldn't even look at her because it reminded her of him. So, she eagerly waited for the holidays to heal her sorrow in her grandmother's arms. She believed her father would come back, and everything would be as it used to be. He never returned. Not then, not ever again. Did everything go wrong back then?
"Serial cheater!" Mark, her boyfriend, yelled. Now, he was an ex.
"I didn't believe it. I let my feelings deceive me like a kid. I believed in your dreamy eyes and that sweet face. I thought jealousy spoke through others. She cheats on her own, steals others' boyfriends, husbands – they told me. I didn't listen."
Jenna remained silent. She didn't want to defend herself.
"Why? And why with him?" he asked, staring angrily at her.
Jenna didn't answer. She didn't know why with him or why at all. Just like she didn't know why she constantly did it to guys who cared about her.
"Did you know he's like a brother to me? I don't know who disappointed me more, you or him."
Mark left. She stood there for a while, staring at the door.
Serial cheater. That's what they call her now. That's who she is. And she wanted to be a dancer, then an actress, then a teacher. There were more aspirations. Then, she just wanted her dad to come back. Then, she didn't want anything anymore.
Jenna opened her eyes. She looked around. No one had lived in the house for a long time. A lot of work awaited her in the coming days to get things in order.
"Hello, Jenna. I'm glad you came," Paula, her childhood friend, said, holding an apple pie in her hands.
Jenna was painting the fence. She had done a lot that day and was hungry and tired. Paula's arrival cheered her up.
"This house is in chaos," Paula said, peering into every corner of the house while Jenna enjoyed the apple pie.
"I'll tell George to drop by in the next few days to help you sort this out."
Jenna looked at her questioningly.
"Do you remember little freckled George we used to tease as kids?"
Jenna nodded while still eating the apple pie.
"He's my husband now. Who would have thought?" Paula said, sitting next to her, laughing loudly.
Jenna watched his broad shoulders and messy black hair as he fixed the wooden fence that had collapsed in one place. Her nostrils flared as she inhaled a familiar scent. The scent of a man.
"There, it's done," George said, straightening up.
"Coffee?" she asked him sweetly.
"Sure," he said, casually blowing a rebellious strand of hair away from his eyes.
"How did you plan to fix all this by yourself?" he asked, sipping coffee on her terrace.
Jenna shrugged. She didn't really plan anything. She just came. Packed up without telling anyone.
Only her boss. She told him she was leaving indefinitely. She ended the call before he could respond. She had savings for a few more months, but she didn't think about what would come after. It was an instinctive decision.
"Are you staying longer?"
Jenna felt George's gaze on her skin. She trembled.
"It depends," she replied, teasingly.
"On what?"
"On many things. I follow my instincts."
"Interesting. It's nice when someone lives like that," George said, putting down the coffee cup he had just finished.
"How?" she asked, smiling.
"By one's own will," he replied.
"Can one live differently?" she countered, looking him straight in the eyes.
George shook his head.
"I'll drop by in the next few days to see what else needs fixing," he said as he left.
That night, Jenna could barely close her eyes. She had the chance to start over. Why did she rush to ruin everything again? Should she have gone to the desert to avoid all temptations?
"I can handle this. I'm here in my grandma's house. Grandma always has magic," she thought.
In the following weeks, George occasionally came to help with the cleaning, sometimes with Paula, sometimes alone. In the last few days, it seemed to her that he visited more often and stayed longer. At that moment, he was there and was just coming down from the attic they were working on.
Jenna made lemonade. She put ice cubes in a glass. George thirstily drank a glass. He sat in his blue work pants, wiping sweat from his forehead. Jenna adjusted the strap that kept falling on her green dress. She poured him another glass from the pitcher.
Jenna handed a glass to George. Their fingers lightly touched. She felt tingling all over her body. Heat rushed to her head. Her lips started to tingle. She put her hand on his chest. She felt his crazy pulse. For a moment, her head spun.
As if electricity passed through her hand. Jenna jerked and swayed a bit.
"Sorry," she whispered.
Jenna met his bewildered gaze. He sat holding the glass of lemonade, which he then placed on the table.
"Are you okay?" he asked, jumping up to support her.
"Yes," she said almost inaudible.
"Probably the heat. I would like to stay alone for a while to rest,” she added.
"Alright. But be sure to call if you feel unwell. Paula and I are your neighbors. We're here to help," George replied and left.
It took Jenna a few minutes to gather herself, then she got up and rushed into the bedroom. She took out her bag and started frantically packing her things. Then she stopped. She sat down and cried. Big tears rolled down her face. She hadn't cried in a long time, and now audible sobs echoed through the room.
It was already evening when a knock woke her up. She went downstairs and saw Paula at the door.
"I called you on your cell phone, but you didn't answer. George told me you weren't feeling well today, so I came to check if everything was okay," Paula said, worried.
"Oh, I fell asleep in the room upstairs; I didn't even hear my phone ring," Jenna replied honestly.
"You're probably exhausted. You haven't stopped working for weeks. Maybe you should take a few days to rest. You've already done a lot," Paula suggested.
"You're right. In the next few days, I'll just rest," Jenna agreed.
Paula exited soon after making sure Jenna was okay. Left alone, Jenna went out on the terrace and breathed in the air. There was no need to run away. Wherever she went, her head would go with her. There and then, she would be the new Jenna. Or the one she wanted to become.
She had her grandmother's house and good neighbors. She spent the beautiful days of her childhood there. In that village, she wasn't a serial cheater. There, she could be anything she wanted. Few have the opportunity to start over. She could.
The cold of the evening cleared her thoughts. She shivered. At that moment she made a decision not to run away anymore. She would stay to become the new Jenna. Or the one she used to want to be. The one before everything went wrong. The one who, in a skirt with pink polka dots, danced the Lambada.
In a green dress and with a strap firmly in place, Jenna, once again, danced in her grandmother's house, free from the weight of the past. Because Grandma always had magic.
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2 comments
We often have such a low opinion of ourselves we need to prove it to others. But with the right motivation we can make change (or at least try). You described her mindset well. Clean, crisp. I like!
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I appreciate your insight into the mindset of the character.
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