The Way Back

The Way Back

By Terri Harrington

Katie came down the staircase and made a bee-line for the coffee pot. She smiled weakly at Peter, who was sitting in the breakfast nook, peering out the window, looking for solutions to problems as yet unnamed.

Peter sensed the urgency in her manner, the way she hurriedly poured the creamer into her cup, cursing as it dripped on the spotless countertop. As took a seat at the table, he saw her puffy, red eyes. He took a deep breath, put on a fake smile, and spoke.

“Are you going to the office early?”

Katie stared at him and he was unsurprised by the pity he saw on her face, but it made him a little angry. He guessed correctly that Katie would not be going to the office today. This was the day he had been expecting.

“Peter, I can’t anymore. I just can’t stand it anymore. I’m leaving.”

There. It was finally said. He knew it was coming. Hell, they had not shared a bed in three months. She blamed it on his snoring, but her dissatisfaction with their marriage showed in her silence, the small peck on his cheek before he left for work, in the coldness of her embrace.

The tears started. “I can’t remember the last time I was happy. It’s taken me three years to realize we have nothing in common. Goddamn! Your parents still haven’t accepted the fact that you married a woman ten years your senior.” She looked indignant, as if all the causes of her unhappiness lie with him.

“Katie, it’s okay. I get it. You and I got married so quickly after meeting that I didn’t even know what your favorite food was or how you took your coffee.” He gave a little laugh at that last fact. Katie had yelled at him the first time he put creamer in her coffee. Did someone who professed to love you actually yell so loudly at you?

“I’m just so afraid of being on my own, you know? I went from my parent’s house, to my first husband’s house, and then to this house. I’ve always lived with someone. I want my freedom. The freedom to see if I can make it on my own. Freedom to conquer the fear of being alone. But, I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend.” This was the Katie he knew that looked for sympathy and Peter had always obliged.

Peter got up from his chair and went to Katie. He had fallen hard for her when he first saw her at a friend’s party. She had worn a low-cut blouse and his eyes, as well as every other man’s, were drawn to her decollete. As he spoke with her, he was surprised to find she was single. She was a beautiful woman and could have gone home with any man she wanted, but she went home with Peter. He thought himself to be a very lucky man. “I’ve been through a terrible divorce.” He guessed divorce had gotten the best of her. Later he found out the divorce hadn’t been her idea. She had cheated on her husband numerous times.

He put his arms around her and tried to console her. “We can still be best friends. I understand that you want to do this. I’ll leave. You can have the house for as long as you want.” To Peter, this was one more instance of him trying to make her happy; he had been doing this for over three years now.

Katie shook her head, causing her long hair to sway. “That’s okay. I’ve rented an apartment already. It’s downtown by the river. It’s really nice. My sister and Jake will be here this afternoon to bring over the bed and some other furnishings, if that’s okay.”

Jake was one of Katie’s coworkers. Peter had almost gotten used to hearing his name thrown about. “Jake told the funniest joke today!” Jake plays the coolest music in his office!.”

“I won’t leave you without anything, I promise. This is it, Peter. You’ll be late for work, so go. I’ll see you.”

She stood. Peter felt an unexpected need to take away any of her guilt. “Katie, you can do this. I have faith in you. You’ll do fine on your own.” She nodded and wiped away tears, taking care not to smear her makeup.

As she mounted the steps, she looked back at him. “I hope you’re right. I can’t help but feel I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. You’re a good man, Peter. Any woman would be lucky to have you.” She continued on up the steps, sniffling as she went.

A small rush of anger overcame his understanding attitude. Any woman would be lucky to have you. What a cliché. He shook his head, attempting to clear it and focus. The drive to work would be long and tedious. Unfortunately, he would have the next hour to think of nothing but this conversation.

He parked the car in the underground parking lot but did not get out. He was certain everyone in the office would see his face and want to know why he wasn’t smiling. Peter looked in the rearview mirror. “Smile, dammit. You don’t want the whole world pitying you, do you?” He practiced smiling, but he looked more like an idiot than a happy person.

“Peter, so glad to see you on this Monday morning.” Ann was his secretary and he considered her a friend. She was obviously on her way out of her office, but she stopped in front of him. He knew his practice smile had failed.

“Are you okay? You look so pale. Not coming down with anything, I hope.” This time Peter did not try; his smile came naturally. Ann was his second mother as well as his assistant and he should have known she would know something was wrong. But he wasn’t ready to discuss the disintegration of his marriage, even with Ann.

With a quick “I’m fine,” he made his way to his office. He needed to sit somewhere quiet and process what he was certain would be the last conversation with Katie.

Peter had tried to convince Katie he knew nothing of her discontent. The question was why? Why hadn’t he confronted her after his third attempt at intimacy was met with coldness. “Really, Peter, do we have to have sex every time you have a hard-on?” Katie wasn’t leaving to “find herself” or have the experience of living alone. She had set her sights on a new man. Peter wondered why this came as no surprise.

In the corner of his office sat his guitar. He was startled that he could not remember the last time he picked it up. As he held the Gibson acoustic and ran his fingers over its strings, images of happy times flowed through his soul. Long hours spent sweating through songs his music teacher told him should be easy for him. Then he couldn’t remember when he didn’t know how to play. Friends would invite him to parties and ask him to bring his guitar. Come on, dude! Break out that thing and play us some music! He had such confidence back then. Where had that confidence gone? He put down his guitar and looked out his office window.

It was a bright day and the city lay before him, displaying all her charm. He remembered when his boss brought him into this office, empty then, and gave him the key. “You deserve it, Pete.” Doug was more like a best friend than a boss now. Their team had set company records for gross earnings. Peter was now in a position to buy a small home in a swanky neighborhood which happened to have access to an awesome golf course. He could help his parents take care of their ageing home, making repairs they could not afford on their own. He was building an IRA that would allow him to retire early.

His life had been like something out of any twenty-seven-year-old’s wet dream. Peter enjoyed dating but had not met anyone special until Katie. Until that moment, he had not believed himself to be unhappy.

He was strumming the guitar when Ann knocked on his door.

“Peter, Doug’s asking where you are.”

He scowled. “That meeting’s scheduled for eleven o’clock, Ann.”

She scowled back as she said, “I know.”

He looked at his watch and was shocked to see it was eleven-thirty. Where had the time gone? “Tell Doug I’ll be right there. Tell him I was in the restroom.”

Ann gave him a smirk and left. He rolled his eyes at her.

For the last two and one-half hours his thoughts had not been of Katie. He was not thinking about Katie or their probable divorce. Remembrances of the time before her had saved him from agonizing over what he could have done differently to make his marriage work. Those memories took him back to a time when he was a content, confident man. Music had given him joy, his dream job gave him the lifestyle he had always aspired to, and all was good in life.

He had not been taken aback by Katie’s leaving because he knew she was unhappy with him. She was now a vibrant woman with a great job and many friends. Katie had used their marriage as a way back to herself, before her first husband had divorced her. Now that she had been healed by the succor this marriage brought, she could go after a man she found to be better than Peter. At this moment in time, Jake was more exciting than him. Katie would have to chase Jake and maybe when she caught him love would bloom and stay fresh forever. More likely, she would become bored with him and move on to the next man.

Peter was quite certain Katie had found herself again through their marriage, which was fine with him. Now, Peter would find his way back to happiness through their divorce.