It was 7 am and Crystal was getting ready to go on her blind date. She sprayed perfume that smelled like roses. She took a long hot shower and put on a scintillating dress covered in sliver. She took her time so that she could look pristine. She did not know much about her blind date other than the fact that his name was Jonathan, he was 28 years old and had a business master’s degree.
As Crystal was about to leave, she had felt something in her gut, it was befuddling and tingly. It made her uncomfortable and much more inquisitive about the man she was about to meet. Yet she decided to push it away and not allow such a feeling to overcome her optimism.
Crystal had to stop by her mom’s house to give her a Christmas gift. When she arrived at the house, the glass on the windows looked fragmented. Crystal peered at the floor, and she saw a heaping amount of teared apart glass that accumulated across the room. Then there were spots of blood splattered around. Crystal was astonished and called for her mom. There was no response.
Crystal dropped to the floor and started screaming. She was traumatized with the ubiquitous glass and blood surrounding her. She clutched the phone and called 911. She told the police everything from visiting her mom to meeting up on her blind date.
The police observed the room and promised Crystal that they would do everything in their power to find her mom. Crystal felt excruciating pain build up in her heart, she loved her mom and could not understand why anybody would want to kidnap her.
Crystal ran to her room and teared up, her heart was beating in a brisk manner and her hands felt fidgety. She started to sweat, and her body became numb. It felt paralyzed, she could not manage to go out today feeling this desolate. She texted her blind date that she could not make it and then laid in bed all day with the anticipation that the police would inform her about her mom.
The next day Crystal did not have the energy to get out of her bed. This heavy toll on her body became invincible. Crystal did not know how to embrace any upbeat moments until her mother was found. Suddenly, she heard a knock on her door and somehow had to drag herself to open it, maybe there was a chance it was her mom. When she opened it, she saw her friend Tara who was wearing a khaki skirt with a white plain shirt. Her countenance was always a conundrum to figure out. She lacked emotional expression and all Crystal could see was a smirk upon Tara’s face that looked somewhat faded. She was puzzling to figure out just like Crystal’s mixed feelings that she consistently battled with.
Tara gazed at Crystal and patted her back. She tried to reassure Crystal that everything was going to be alright. Even though Crystal did not have the most expressive facial features, she did try her best to be a type of recourse for her friend.
Crystal just started sobbing and felt like a basket case. She could not bear staying inside and feeling this melancholy down-drift that dragged her into an endless loophole of depression. Tara convinced Crystal to at least go out with her and get some dinner. She wanted Crystal to get some air and nutrients in her body so that she could feel more energized. Tara knew Crystal since high school, and she was aware of how intense Crystal’s depression could get. Tara had to embolden her friend to find a way to cope and dinner seemed like a profound idea.
When they arrived at Olive Garden, Crystal sat down in despair and avoided eye contact. Tara tried to cheer Crystal up by offering to pay for her. She wanted the poignant mood to fade away, it was destroying her friend.
Crystal decided to order a soup and Tara ordered some French fries with chicken tenders. They both sat there while communicating slowly. As Crystal was watching the television, she saw something in her peripheral vision. A man approached her and said “Hey, you look really familiar” Crystal responded, “so do you.” The man replied, “I think you were supposed to be my blind date.”
“Ha-ha’ Crystal giggled, “Oh my gosh, your Jonathan, I could tell by your wavy hair and deep blue eyes.”
` The two continued on a gradual conversation and then Crystal realized bruises on Jonathan’s hands. She thought maybe he might have got into a fight with somebody. she saw a ring on his finger. This matched the same ring that her mom had on when Crystal last saw her.
Crystal slowly backed away and felt her chest tighten. Her hands could not stop shaking and her breath started to decrease. She felt like she was drowning in the ocean. The coercive waves felt so fierce, Crystal paused and was stuck in a dilemma. She dragged Tara to the side and told her everything. Tara felt upset and wanted to help her friend get her mother back. Crystal had a plan that would deceive Jonathan. She had a gut feeling that Jonathan was the type of guy that loved seducing girls and only craved pure lust.
Crystal approached Jonathan and said hesitantly “I think you are so cute, and we should get to know each other better, let’s go to your house and make out, don’t worry about Tara, I told her to leave, I just want you.” He nodded in acquiesce but refused to go inside the house. He said, “It’s a mess inside let’s go outside in my garage.” Crystal knew she had to do everything she could to get her mom back and Jonathan had to have her. Crystal did not let her fear rush over her, and she went with the flow.
The garage looked very disheveled and had sharp objects all around. Crystal knew that Jonathan was the type of guy to shop at Home Depot, a perfect place to gather toxic tools. She searched around and saw antique objects lying around, it was dusty and a place where one would not desire to be. Crystal had that same tingly feeling in her stomach, it felt out of proportion.
Jonathan wrapped his arms around Crystal, and she hesitantly put her head on his shoulder. She needed an excuse to go inside and look around his house. Crystal asked to go to the bathroom. Jonathan was somewhat resistant to this and asked if it was an emergency. Crystal nodded and told him she really had to go. He led her to the back door and waited outside.
Crystal looked all around the house in a rapid phase. She had to hurry to avoid suspicion. Thick layers of dust were everywhere, and the windows looked smudged. The dishes were not even halfway done. It was a decrepit, worn-out environment. Crystal searched through every door to look for her mom. Finally, a response appeared that called for help. Crystal busted the door open and saw her mom was on the floor. Her face looked beaten up, her lips were bleeding and she looked so weary and feeble as if she would faint.
Crystal quickly called 911. Jonathan was wondering what was taking so long so he went inside. He saw that Crystal found her mother and quickly grabbed Crystal. He was a strapping man who was fervent in making sure these two ladies did not see the light of day. He took his fists and started pounding on both ladies who were in excruciating agony.
Then there were sirens all over and that’s when Jonathan froze, the guards and policemen rushed inside and handcuffed Jonathan. Crystal and her mom hugged one another and felt secure inside each other’s arms.
Crystal learned to trust her intuition. She felt that something was off the edge with her blind date. When seeing him at the restaurant there was evidence that he was guilty. She used her gut intuition and allowed that to follow her so that she could find her mom. Trusting in her own heart and will caused fulfilling results.
This traumatizing event caused heartache and superfluous deep pain. It was only the beginning of many more chapters ahead and survival was essential.
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Hello! I was chosen to read your story for the Critique Circle so here's my feedback. First off, I just wanted to say it was quite intense! The next best part was the details of the environment and her friend really made the story feel alive. One thing that could add to the story and break up the pacing would be to add more dialogue. Also, I think you can delete the second to last paragraph. You don't need to tell us that "Crystal learned to trust her intuition," because you did a great job of showing us throughout the story. I'll keep thi...
thanks so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it.
This is a really cool story, had my attention the whole way through. Glad it ended well and she found her mum :)
Thank you, glad you liked it.