Rewinding Hearts

“This is the town I lived in when I graduated from college and started my first grown-up job Emily. Your mom and I met here.” I shared with my disinterested teenage daughter. Emily was sitting in the back seat with her socks up on the seat of the van and elbows on her knees. She was busy texting away as we drove through South central Iowa on our way to see the in-laws. She looked up briefly from her iPhone to acknowledge me with a quick nod before returning to her besties. Laura smiled at me and said “I wonder how much the town has changed since we moved away Rob? Let’s stop and have lunch and show Emily around.” Emily must have had a few brain cells paying attention to us as she once again acknowledged us with “I’m hungry.” 

We drove past the sign welcoming us to Oskaloosa, Iowa and the late January air shimmered. It was an odd sight, like the shimmer from heat coming off the pavement during a blistering summer day. The shimmer had substance to it that looked something like clear plastic film, and before I realized what was happening, I drove through the shimmer. My eyes closed and bright colors flashed in front of me. 

I open my eyes and blink hard to regain focus. I look around, and to my amazement I am alone and sitting behind the wheel of my first new car. The red Pontiac Grand Am I bought after starting my first full time job. I breathe in the new car smell. I push the clutch with my left foot and shift the 5-speed manual transmission into neutral as I come up to a stop light. A rich baritone voice fills every corner of the car and I find myself starting to sing along to Hootie and the Blowfish. It feels like putting on an old shirt that you’ve had for years, but can’t stand to part with because it feels so good. I feel my heart start to race as The Foo Fighters come on the radio next. I crank up the volume and grip the steering wheel with my left hand as I unleash the 3.1L V6 engine, letting the rpm’s peak before I shift from second to third gear. My feet dance between the clutch, accelerator and finally the brake as I come to the next stop light. I had forgotten the sheer joy of driving a manual transmission. 

I drive down the main strip and everything looks the same as it did back in the 90s. The movie theatre marquee shows Titanic is playing at 1:00, 4:00 and 7:00. I decide to pull off the road to clear my head. I see a store with the iconic blue ticket-stub logo with the yellow words Blockbuster Video. “I haven’t seen one of these in years” I say to myself in disbelief. I go inside to check it out. I hear music softly playing on the speaker overhead. “That’s the Goo Goo Dolls” I whisper to myself as I hum along to another long-lost favorite song. I slowly make my way toward the back of the store where all the new release VHS cassettes in their white plastic cases are neatly arrayed on the wall. Boxes of “Men in Black” and “Con Air”.   

I walk back outside for a breath of fresh air and try to get my bearings. I walk to the Casey’s convenience store and pick up the USA Today newspaper dated January 17, 2008. "How did I end up back in 1998?" I think to myself. I page through the newspaper and see an ad for the Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan. I buy a Diet Coke, careful to check the dates on the coins in my pocket, that apparently traveled back in time with me, to make sure I wasn't using coins from the future. The teller gives me an odd look as I flip each coin over in my hand to check the date.

I decide to drive to my old apartment, belting out some Alice in Chains on my way home. I open the door and walk into my apartment and it looks just like I remember it. There was an open box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal on the counter next to a bag of Butterfinger BB's. "Wow, I remember loving these." I think as I open the bag and pop and handful of chocolate pieces into my mouth. James had left a message on the answering machine “Hey Rob, you wanna stop over and watch the NFL championship games? The Denver Broncos look like they could go all the way this year. Grab a six pack and stop over whenever.” James had started his first job out of college the same day I did and we quickly became good friends. 

I stop back through Casey's to pick up a six pack of beer. "I hope he doesn't ask for my ID." I think as the teller looks me over, having recognized me from earlier. "Can I see your ID sir?" The teller asks. As I pull out my wallet and devise a plan to say I forgot my ID at home, I see that my driver’s license is once again an Iowa driver’s license with my 26-year-old self in the picture. The teller looks it over and hands it back to me. I pay for the beer and head to my car puzzled at how my license had changed.

I see familiar cars parked outside James and Holly’s apartment.  Holly gives me a warm hug as I come inside and she asks, “Have you met Laura?” A young lady steps out from behind Holly and I find myself looking at the beautiful face of my wife. 

“Nice to meet you, Rob.” Laura says. Her eyes eventually break contact with mine as she smiles and looks down at her feet, her right foot crossed over her left in the shy way I remembered before we grew closer. 

“It’s nice to meet you too Laura.” I say as memories flash through my mind. The years we dated. Getting married. Honeymoon in Cozumel. Moving to Minnesota. Starting new jobs. Buying a house. Emily being born.

“How you doing bro, let’s put those in the fridge” James says as he grabs my arm and leads me toward the refrigerator. I keep looking at Laura thinking “what if we got to experience this all over again?”.

“Isn’t she a hottie Rob?” James says as he pops the top off a beer and hands it to me.  

“Yeah, she’s pretty special” I say as Laura looks back over to me with that smile, the smile that melts my heart every time I see it. Holly leads Laura into the kitchen and I feel electric as her hand brushes against mine as Rob drags me to the couch where a bowl of potato chips and hours of football await. 

“Did you catch ‘The Drudge Report’ today, Rob? Seems Slick Willy got himself caught messing around with some intern at the White House” James asks as he takes a pull from his beer. “No, I hadn’t heard that news yet James” I lie, as I knew well this was the very day the report of the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal was published.  

James returns his focus to the tv. “John Elway is finally gonna take the Broncos to the Super Bowl” James says. I look at him knowingly and say “it’s finally gonna be their year buddy.” 

After the football games are over, I stop and ask Laura if she is planning to watch the Olympics. I know she loves the winter games. Her eyes light up, “I can’t wait to see Tara Lipinski and Michelle Kwan skate this year. It’s going to be amazing.” 

“Well, maybe we could get together with Holly and James and watch the games sometime?” I suggest. I remember our first kiss was after telling her good night the night we watched Tara Lipinski win gold in Japan. 

“That would be fun.” She smiles as she looks down at her crossed feet again. She peeks up at me and as our eyes meet, I smile back.  

I reach for my pocket to grab my cell phone, but instead find the holster for my brick of a Nokia phone snug against my waist. I am about to ask Laura if I could text her, but I settle for “Can I call you sometime?”

"Yes, maybe we can get together sometime." She says as I enter her number in my cell phone.

“I can’t wait Laura. It was nice to meet you”. I say as I put my coat on and headed out the door.” 

“Good night, Rob” Laura smiles. 

“Woo hoo, Broncos going to the Super Bowl brother! See ya Rob” James yells from across the room.

I drive home jamming to Smash Mouth. I go inside my apartment and turn on the tv to see "The X-Files” has just started. I find myself whistling the theme song. “I hope the Smoking Man is in this one.” I think to myself and can’t help thinking of the song by Barenaked Ladies.

I start up my Gateway computer. I had just bought my new computer and the boxes with the mottled black and white Holstein cow pattern logo were still in the corner. A case of 3.5” floppy disks sit next to the keyboard. The familiar Windows 98 logo with red, green, blue and yellow boxes against a fading black window frame fills the monitor. I launch America Online, or AOL as we all called it, and listen to the familiar “beep bop boop beep bop boop” dial tone as the modem starts connecting to the internet. The modem sings its song as the connection is made and the speakers announce to the room “You’ve got mail!” 

A solitary new email shows up in my inbox. 

“Dear future me,

You have been given a gift. You know that the next 28 years are going to be the best time of your life. You get to fall in love again. You get to see raise your baby girl again. You get to live life the way you wanted it to be, and maybe correct some of the mistakes you made along the way. Have more courage because you’ve never regretted the things you’ve tried or the risks you’ve taken. Live life to the fullest.

Robert”