Marvin Merkin

Mild-mannered Marvin Merkin of Milford, Massachusetts is driving his 1962 Nash Metropolitan to Minnesota, where he will start working for the Maple and Maple Accounting firm. The rain is coming down in torrents. Due to the driver side’s badly worn windshield wiper blade, Marvin must drive's hunched over the wheel to see through the streaking rain. He smiles as he thinks of a little word game. “Marvin Merkin from Milford drives through a monsoon to get to Minnesota!” Marvin chuckles to himself. “Mother always did think me whimsical.”

As lighting strikes the tree up ahead, it outlines the figure of a hulking man by the roadside. The light nearly blinds Marvin, yet he is apprehensive for the stranger. “Oh my! That poor fellow was nearly struck! I’ll stop and see if he’s alright. He may need my help.”

Marvin turns on his right directional pulls over to the curb, and places the car in park. He rolls down the passenger window.

Marvin calls to the goliath-sized man standing in the pouring rain, “I saw the lighting strike the tree right behind you! Are you alright?” The man slowly turns to look at the still-smoldering tree and then back to the pale round face looking up at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Marvin notices the big man’s face is totally void of expression, but his eyes seem menacing. A small smile creeps across Marvin’s face. “Mother always said I like to flirt with danger.” he thinhs to himself.  “ Would you like a ride to the nearest bus stop or something? You know, to get in out of the rain?”

Before replying, the stranger considers whether he can fit inside the Metropolitan. To him, it doesn’t look much bigger than a sardine can. However, it is raining. “Sure.”

The gigantic man has managed to get his left leg inside and is trying to maneuver a way to enter his shoulders and head when he notices that the passenger wiper is not working. He looks at Marvin’s wiper and sees a strip of rubber from the blade trailing back and forth, leaving streaks. He yells to Marvin, whose face appears light green by the light of the dashboard, to shut off the wipers. He switches the rubber blades and returns to stuffing himself inside the minute car.

Blinking rapidly, Marvin smiles. “Say, that was rather clever of you! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that! At any rate, where would you like to go? Oh, and by the way, my name is Marvin Merkin. And you are?”

The stranger looks straight ahead and pauses before answering, “Joe. Call me Joe.”

Marvin studies the profile of the man whose hair is dripping with rainwater. “Okay, Joe. Is there anywhere you would like me to bring you ?” Joe replies, “Where are you going?”

“Who, me? Why I’m heading for Duluth. I’ve just gotten a job at the Maple and Maple Accounting firm. As a matter of fact, I just made up a little diddy..."  Joe cuts Marvin off. “Fine. When you get on the interstate, there’s a truck stop just down the road. You can drop me off there.”  Marvin clears his throat and merges back into the flow of traffic.

After a few minutes of quietly driving, Marvin decides to start a conversation with his mysterious passenger. “So Joe, do you live around here?”

“No.”

“Where do you come from?”

“Everywhere and nowhere! Look, can you just drive? I need to make a phone call.”

Marvin stutters, “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I find it interesting sometimes to learn a little about people, you know? For instance, I grew up in China! My parents moved there for business when I was nine. My mother thought I was small and fragile and afraid I’d get picked on all my life, so she enrolled me in a Shaolin temple where I learned their form of kung fu. I lived there for twenty years before returning to the States. You’d never know by looking at me, but Mother used to say I’m a born killer. That’s why when I look at you and see that scar on your cheek, I just have to wonder how it got there. Something like that just has to have a story behind it. You look to me like you might have a military past or are in law enforcement.” Marvin chuckles. “You may even be a hitman for all I know.”

Joe glares at Marvin through squinted eyes. “Where did you say you were coming from?”

“Massachusetts. Milford, Massachusetts, to be exact.”   

Joe pauses. “You see that rest area up ahead? Pull in there.”

Marvin’s eyes widen, “But I thought you were in a hurry to make a phone call.” A shiver travels up Marvin’s spine when he hears Joe command him to “ Pull over.”

The sound of gravel crunching beneath the tiny tires of the Metropoltian fills the car. Marvin drives beside the the small information bulletin board and stops. He turns to Joe and sees Joe has a 45 automatic pointed directly at him.

Marvin’s eyes widen as he stammers, “G-G-Good Heavens, Joe! What’s this all about? I-I don’t understand!”

Joe holds out his massive hand. “Shut off the car and give me the keys.”

Marvin shuts the car off. “Mother always told me not to pick up strangers. Are you going to rob me, Joe? I can tell you I don’t have much money, but it’s yours if you promise not to hurt me.” Marvin notices a twinkle in Joe’s eyes. “What is it, Joe? What do you find so amusing?”

Joe places the keys in his coat pocket. “Well, for one thing, you are correct that I’m with law enforcement. I’m an FBI agent, and I’ve been assigned to find a serial killer working in this area of the country. The trail started in Massachusetts, then through Rhode Island to Connecticut, New York, and finally, where we are now, Pennsylvania. The real irony is that my car had broken down just minutes before, and I was walking back to a gas station when you came along. When you told me you had spent all those years in China learning kung fu and where you were coming from, my mind naturally made the connection.  You see, the coroner’s report says that all of the victims were beaten to death by someone with knowledge of how to strike deadly blows. I’m arresting you under suspicion, Mr. Merkin. Would you kindly step out of the car, please?”

Marvin makes no protest as he exits the car. He smiles as he watches Joe struggle to get out on his side. Marvin rounds the vehicle with his hands in the air and approaches closer to Joe.

“You’re making a mistake, you know. I’m only an accountant.”

Joe huffs, “Says you. Now turn around and put your hands against the car.”

Marvin looks at Joe’s face and sincerely apologizes, “I’m sorry, Joe.” Then, with lightning speed, he grabs the pressure point in Joe’s wrist, causing enough pain to make Joe drop his gun. At that exact moment, he delivers a forceful chop to the LI 18 pressure point in Joe’s neck that sends a river of unbearable pain throughout his entire body. As Joe collapses to his knees, Marvin finishes him off by snapping Joe's neck.”

Marvin retrieves his keys from Joe’s coat pocket. “I’m sorry, Joe, but I did warn you. I had warned my mother to because she said she was so frightened by my behavior that she was going to call the police, and that’s why I had to kill her, too. But enough about that! I only hope that because of this silliness, the job with Maple and Maple is still available. I’m late!”