Getting Siobhán Back

This retirement lark is killing me. Boredom has settled in big time. Looking up at the sky I decide it’s a day for a picnic basket for one and a good book. This would have been a big thrill back in the day; just to have the time to do it would have been wonderful. Now it is a common occurrence, weather permitting. 

Go to the fridge cannot wait to see what delights are waiting, I jest, the usual array of cheese and beetroot, ah hidden in the back, a slice of turkey, a veritable feast. I have asked her I don’t know how many times to buy things for such occasions. She says she has and that I have eaten them before they have had a chance to be escorted outside by me. Cheeky bitch I tell her that I have not eaten them all and where could they have gone. She tells me I have, and I’ll find them if I go over to the full-length mirror and stand sideways. This turned into one of our all too frequent arguments these days. 

Ending with her telling me to cop onto myself and that since I’m the one who wants the stuff and she’s the one who must work all day go get it my bleeding self. I can still hear the slam of the door, but the realization that she is right hits me harder. 

I was brought up that women do the shopping and cooking, it’s up to the man to provide the money for such things. With a heavy heart, I realize those times, and people have changed, and I’m going to lose her if I don’t buck up my ideas. 

The money I have certainly provided, and I have a good, solid pension from time served in the army band, and then teaching before I finally retired for good. I took a test and got a taxi licence which was all right for a while but all those years in an enclosed space with trombones and trumpets etc. blasting my eardrums have left me totally deaf in one ear. I had to give it up as customers and I were getting more annoyed with my predicament with each passing day. 

I have a case pending under Health & Safety laws, as the right equipment to avoid this was not provided to us. I have heard of an old army mate getting a tidy little sum and I expect something on the same line. I’m not sure when the ennui and despair started to hit but now it’s set on repeat walloping me every day. Today I’m going to wallop right back I’ll have my picnic and read but be back in plenty of time to get the bus and go shop for the ingredients for an extra special meal. Roast potatoes, chops and onions. Siobhán never was high maintenance, monetary wise, but I think that emotionally lately I’ve let her down. 

Food prepared and packed I head of on my walk to the local park. I am a regular site, so the park warden greets me with a cheery wave. I nod in reply. Settling down under my favorite tree, food laid out, and a huge rain cloud appears menacingly in the sky. I forgot about our gorgeous Irish weather, three seasons in one day. 

Sighing I get ready to pack everything away when a dog bounds over, he looks like his tail is ready to fall off, he’s so excited at his find. 

Usually, I would have shooed him away but today I decide to let him have it all. He gulps it all in about five minutes flat, barks a “thanks” and is gone. I realize he has shown more gratitude to me than I’ve shown Siobhán lately and he gave me a better welcome.

Walking briskly home with a new spring in my step I am going to nip all this despondency in the bud. I’m lucky to still have a life to be bored with. My mum, bless her, if she had still been here would have given me a well-deserved kick up the ass a long time ago. 

Siobhán’s car is in the driveway, unusual she must have got some time off. I start walking faster, a big smile on my face, which is wiped clean when I open the door and notice her case in the hall. 

“Siobhán, everything okay?” I call out.

I already know it’s not but try to buy myself some time.

“Hi, Tony, no everything is not okay. I’m leaving you. I can’t take things as they are any more. You’re constantly in a depressive state and dragging me down with you. I’m sorry I’ll be back for the rest of my things at some stage during the week.”

“Can’t we ta …?”

“The time for talking has been and gone. I don’t want to hate you, Tony.”

She walks past me and doesn’t turn or hesitate, picks up the case, and is gone. Devastated I slide down the wall onto the floor and sob like a baby. I have left it too late to realize I’ve wasted so many months feeling sorry for myself and now I’ve lost the most important person in the world to me. For three days I wallow in self-pity until I even piss myself off. 

Time to act I’m going to get a life I can enjoy back and then I’m going to get the love of my life back. First things first I make an appointment with the local Barnardo’s to see can I volunteer in the shop for a couple of hours a week. They seem delighted with my interest, and I must turn up next week to observe and see if I think I’m suited. Next, I look up the youth band that my son used to be in and that I taught now and again when the army and time allowed. I offer them my services and I have a ton of music sheets etc. upstairs boxed that I could never bring myself to get rid of. They will be getting an airing.

It feels good to finally be taken positive steps. Siobhán did the right thing we both needed a break from each other and our life. I know in time we will be back together, snuggling and making plans. She loves me, I know it, and she just wanted me back.