The Thoughts of A Writer

There's a library in that direction. I've personally never been there before but I have this feeling that there's something pulling me toward it. I've always wondered what the reason was. As the light above was still a light red and several cars passed by, I had some extra time to think. I wasn't ready to go back home just yet. I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe considering that since this is the first time I've been independent and able to roam around where ever I wanted, I'll never know when the next time I could do something like this again. The light was still red but the amount of cars passing by began to slow down. I had to think fast. The sun was still up and I was told that I should be back home before nightfall. It wouldn't hurt to spend some more time on my own. Just as the lights beside me go from green to orange and then red, I gripped the wheel as I steered to my left just as the green arrow flashed.

I'm in front of a tall, brown building within a couple of minutes. I looked at the time on my phone: 6:40pm, the library closes at around 8. As I got out of the car and walked toward the entrance, I thought about what would I be looking for. Maybe if I had a library card I could check out a book. I should ask one of the librarians i see at the front desk if i could get one. I pulled the door open and was greeted by one of them.

"Looking for something?" she had smiled.

I just stared at her for a bit. Every time someone, especially a stranger, starts a conversation with me I don't know what to say. And each time this happens I can't help but wonder what they're thinking about me. They might not see a girl who's experiencing independence for the first time, instead it's an awkward and strange being who looks out of place wherever she is. I had to remember what my therapist had told me when I brought this up to her.

"Would you think similarly to what you assume other people think about you if there was someone just like that around you?

I remember thinking hard about it, it was a good question. I had a mixed response by had explained myself.

I took a deep breath after looking back at that moment as returned the smile, "I'm just gonna look around."

The smile remained on the librarian's face, "Okay then, let me or any of the staff know if you need any assistance."

"Thank you."

i looked at the scenery in front of me. There were a wide array of bookshelves along with some desks with some people scattered around. I expected there to be little to nobody at all but at least some were lost in a book or typing along on their computer, whether they're studying or working on something personal. I silently made my way towards the young adult section, where the teen section was also located. Maybe I'll find something I like here, I thought. I began skimming through the several titles and covers this section had to offer.

There was one book that had me interested just by the title alone but when I picked it up to see the cover, I felt a bit disappointed. Was it because the cover had a real person on it? Did I not like the way it looked? Whatever reason there was, I placed the book back and kept looking.

There was another book where both title and cover piqued my interest, though I couldn't say the same thing for the synopsis. Maybe I just didn't like how they described the protagonist or it's conflict, or maybe I just wasn't interested. I placed the book back too.

There were so many books to go through yet i feel like none of them are right for me. I look back at the librarian who seems to be typing away at her desk. Do I just walk up to her and ask what book she could recommend me? No, she's occupied and I'm sure she wants to get as much work done before closing for the day. I then walked a bit through other shelves, ranging from textbooks to even other types of physical media displayed. I saw a couple of other staff members who were exchanging words. I couldn't decipher what they were talking about though I managed to pick up some words here and there. But I didn't want to interrupt them either.

I sat down at one of the desks and sighed. staring at the bright lights on the ceiling. I really hoped I could find a book I might actually read but it feels so difficult. It could be because maybe I want to read something specific, something that would meet all my interests and favorite tropes of all time.

Wait, I said to myself and before I knew it I took my phone out of my pocket. I scrolled to the notes app and began typing away what I like to see in a book. I've been into fantasy content lately, but maybe I want a book taking place with simpler world-building. A novel, as much as I appreciate book series for what they are, I much prefer a series of events taking place in one book. What types of characters do I want to see? I put my phone down to think it through. There's a wide range of characters I enjoy: the kind protagonist, the wise mentor, the snarky villain, and many others. I listed each of them down and took a gander at what my notes came to be. There was something missing, something that ties all these things together and helps the story flow: the plot. I made bullet points and wrote down plots from movies, tv shows, and games I enjoyed going through. Now I had a full list.

I thought back to the times where I had written my own stories, ever since I was in school. I remember whenever the teacher would give out a writing prompt I was excited to start working on it. Even though there were several times where I disliked the final product and even wished I could've changed some elements, I was met with praise. I still remember how proud I felt when my English teacher told me how much she loved my short story as I walked into her classroom, even the time my creative writing teacher used my writing as an example for one of our assignments. Despite feeling embarrassed about my own writing, I could also see the way people reacted when I share what I make.

Instead of finding a book I could read I would go out and create my own. It may not be a hit instantly but I think I'll enjoy creating it as I do reading in general.

I looked toward the window, the sun had set lower and I could see the moon. With a long sigh I got up from the desk and began to head out. Some people were beginning to pack up as well and I passed by. I found myself back by the entrance and the librarian smiling at me once again.

"Found what you were looking for?"

I nodded. In a way, I did. It wasn't something physical but i was sure to keep it safe and not lose it. If I ever come back, maybe I will find something I'm looking for. But for now, there's a story I wanna tell and I will try my hardest to bring it to life so it could one day join the many books in this shelf and perhaps give someone the same spark.