To Feel, is to Live

“Get up, Steven.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Get up. It's time to get up.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Yesterday at 6pm you added a reminder for today, to make you get up.”

“Well, you already did your job, you reminded me, now go away.”

“Steven, you have to eat. You haven’t eaten in exactly 18 hours.”

“What did I tell you?!”

“You specified to not stop insisting until you got out of that bed. Those were your instructions, sir.”

“Just turn off, leave me here.”

“This is your depression talking. Depression is a debilitating illness and it can cause immense suffering.”

“As if I don’t know, MEI…”

“Come on, go take a bath and eat!”

“Ugh alright, alright, just so you stop”

“Thank you, Steven. Can I help you with anything else?”

“No MEI, do you have enough charge for today?”

“My battery level is currently at 34%, sir”

“Okay, I’ll connect you and go take a bath.”

“Per-fect- Initiating… charging mode.”

—-

“I’m back MEI.”

“Hello, Steven.”

“I feel so tired. Even though the only thing I did was take a bath I feel tired. Even just getting out of bed feels like torture MEI, I don’t like feeling this way.”

“Everything will be alright sir, please eat something and that will make you feel a little better.”

“I’m not hungry. I’m going back to bed.”

“But Steven, don’t you remember your appointment?”

“What appointment? Open Calendar.”

“Opening Calendar. Thursday, 9am. Job Interview.”

“Oh, that.”

“You still have half an hour until the interview.”

“I’m not going. They’ll always be another one.”

“That’s what you said last time Steven”

“I’m not prepared for an interview, even if I go, they are not going to hire me.”

“Okay, I won’t insist on the subject.”

“Perfect, you're learning MEI.”

—-

“Steven, may I ask you something?”

“Yes MEI”

“Why do you let time pass you by?”

“Uhh…”

“Is that a difficult question?”

“You wouldn't understand MEI, I feel hopeless. I don’t know why I’m still alive.”

“But you ARE alive, sir.”

“Sometimes I feel too much, but sometimes I don’t feel anything. Even I can’t completely understand it.”

“But Steven, you don't have to understand it, you just need to live in the moment.”

“I try, believe me I try”

“But? What is the problem, sir?”

“I can't stop thinking.”

“Thinking is a complex cognitive process that involves organizing and manipulating mental representations of information, symbols and ideas. It's how we understand the world, make decisions and figure out solutions to solve problems.”

“ I didn't ask for a definition MEI”

“I'm sorry Steven, can I help you with anything else?”

“No, MEI. I know you're trying to understand human emotions but your artificial brain has its limits.”

“Okay, I'll go re-read my Ai Companion Manual”

“Sure. You know where to find me…”

—-

“Steven, someone is knocking on the door, permission to open it?”

“MEI, initiate a heat signature scan, who is it?”

“Heat Signature Scan Completed. Close relative identified. It’s your sister Steven.”

“Let her in”

“Yes, sir. Opening the door.”

‘Steven! How is my lil brother? It's been what like a year already?’

“Hey Margo, yeah it's been a while, this town doesn't feel the same without you in it”

‘Aw Steven I'm sorry, you knew why I had to go. How have you been?’

“I've been better sis. Will you tell me about your travels?”

‘Of course! Where do I start well first I went to Los Angeles, then I decided to go to Canada for some sightseeing, then one day I woke up and knew I had to explore Asia so from Canada I went straight to Japan, then South Korea and ended up in Thailand where I went to the most amazing festival you wouldn't believe it and after that I made a last trip to China where I spent so much money on the night markets…’

“Wow sis you really are living your life”

‘You know I have always loved traveling Steven, oh I'm so excited I feel rejuvenated’

“So how long are you staying this time?”

‘Just a couple of weeks then I'm off to France’

“You just can't stay still in one place haha please take care of yourself always”

‘You too Steven, and If you need me you know I'm just a call away, I will get in the first flight I see and come back to you’

“Thank you Margo, I've felt so alone you know.”

‘Are you working? Are you going out and having fun?’

“Hm… I've just been here with MEI.”

‘Oh Steven, you can't be stuck here all the time in this mess of a place with just your robot. You need to go out, take a walk, do something different. Please, promise me you will at least take a walk outside to get some fresh air.’

“Fine, I'll do it later.”

—-

“Steven, you promised your sister you would go outside but it has been 3 days already. Are you doing it today?”

“I don't feel like it MEI”

“You should do it, it will be good for you. Going out to walk includes a range of benefits for your health both physically and mentally. Let's go.”

“Okay, but let's be quick MEI, bring me my running shoes”

—-

“My eyes kinda hurt MEI.”

“Well you haven’t been outside in a long time, Steven.”

“And my legs feel so weird.”

“You need to exercise more, to be healthy”

“Let's just walk around the block and come back”

“Yes, Steven.”

“Look MEI those flowers are so radiant with color, they remind me of my sister and the dresses she would wear when we were little kids running around the house. Wait, what is that black and white thing far in front in the middle of the street?”

“Steven stop, don't get near I will go make an Identification Scan”

“Okay, go MEI”

“Identification Scan Completed. Canidae recognized, most known as a Canine.”

“Is it alive MEI?”

“Checking for a heart beat. Heart beat found. It is very slow but he is still alive. He must have been hurt by a moving vehicle or by a hard impact. He is still a puppy. Come closer Steven, you can look at it, it's not dangerous.”

“I can't believe it MEI, he looks just like my childhood dog. All white with black spots all over his body. The poor thing. He is all alone. Hurt. In the middle of the street like trash. What are the possibilities of recuperating?”

“Calculating possible outcomes. If we get him to a veterinarian in less than 20 minutes his chance of surviving is 95%.”

“Then let's do it MEI. Lead me to the nearest veterinarian. I need to save him. “

“Yes, sir. Searching for the nearest place from this location…”

“I'm going to pick him up, I'm scared of hurting him further but we need to try to save him. I don't know why but seeing his tiny legs shaking makes me feel like my heart is dropping to the floor. His eyes are brown, the same color that my childhood dog used to have. I feel something in my throat, like there is something stuck there. How can he be so similar MEI? He winced when I held him in my arms against my chest, let's go MEI we need to save him.”

“Yes, Steven. Go straight this street and then we'll make a right on street ‘456’. ”

“I understand now MEI, while I'm feeling his little heart slowly beating against my chest. I know I have to protect him and take care of him. Maybe it was a good decision to go out of the house, maybe this was the sign I needed, I'm not sure but I feel clarity. Now I understand I don't have to be a huge successful business man, or travel all around the world like my sister, or be what I think I should be, I need to enjoy the little things that aren't so little if you think about it, It doesn't matter where I am, I'm just me and I'm alive right now so I need to let myself feel because to feel, is to live.”