Uncivilized Apes

Ambassador Innuluk 2327 had an annoying, sloshing, unease behind all four of its eyestalks. It hoped the translator was wrong. No sapient being could be as obtuse and stubborn as this stiff-jointed, endoskeletal biped that called itself “Carlie” or maybe “Chief of Engineering” or “Human.”

It looked at the creature in front of it. Taller than the ambassador currently shaped its body, binary sensory organs placed in an arrangement that suggested a predator. Brown skin showed on the head and manipulators that extended past the creature’s protective garments, except where a thick covering of black curly fibers topped its head.

“Let’s back up a little here,” it said. “What is your function? Your title?”

“Chief of Engineering.” Carlie pointed to the tag on her coveralls.

“And your species?”

“Homo Sapiens. Or just call us humans.”

“You are in charge of all engineers of humans?” All four of the ambassador’s eyestalks swiveled to face the human in surprise. It flattened its body some, becoming even shorter. “I am not worthy to negotiate with you. I will send for ambassador number one.”

“No, I’m only in charge of the engineers here…on this project.”

The ambassador’s body shifted again, becoming more cylindrical, and taller than the human. “Then you are certainly not of a high enough status to negotiate with an ambassador of my rank, engineer human.”

“I know, right?” Carlie sighed. “I tried telling them that, but I’m the most senior here, and we can’t get a political type out here in less than two months. So, I got stuck with it. And call me Carlie, please. You said your name is Innuluk? Can I call you Innuluk?”

“What is the meaning of ‘carlie’? The translator is not understanding it.”

“That’s my name.” Carlie pointed at herself. “Me. My name is Carlie, my species is human, and my job is engineer.”

“I think I understand. But calling me ‘Innuluk’ would be like me calling you ‘Human.’ You may refer to me as ‘Ambassador’. In the Conglomerate, we are identified by our employment, species, and rank.”

“I don’t guess it’s any weirder than talking to an amorphous blob with eyestalks and tentacles.” Carlie tilted her head. “Are you male, female, both, neither…something else entirely?”

“Ah, sexual differentiation. This is known among other species in the Conglomerate, but Innuluk are not. And since we are on the indelicate matter of reproduction, we can bud off and an offspring will grow, but stronger offspring are created when two or more buds are combined. And you are…?”

“I’m a female. Since you know of other species, I’m sure you know what that means. Now, Ambassador, with that out of the way, what brings you here besides the obvious?”

“What is the obvious?”

“You came to welcome us to the neighborhood, first contact, all that sort of thing. Probably want us to join your Conglomerate or something, after ensuring that we aren’t just a bunch of backwards, uncivilized apes, right?”

“No, not at all.” The ambassador shrunk in height a bit, pulling its tentacles in closer and shortening its eyestalks, embarrassed to have what should have been obvious pointed out to it by an engineer.

“Oh.” Carlie straightened a non-existent wrinkle out of her coverall. “Did we…encroach on someone else’s territory?”

The ambassador returned to its properly dominant shape. “Not at all. The Conglomerate wondered, though, why it is your species is spreading so far, and so thin. Wouldn’t it be prudent to build up your populations in a system before colonizing yet another?”

Carlie laughed, a sound that the translator couldn’t identify. “Not really. We were over ten billion on Earth before we even started a colony on Mars…the next planet out in our star system.

“We nearly killed ourselves on Earth, and the population on Mars grew faster than the infrastructure could be expanded. It was the feeling of having lots of room, I guess.”

She pointed out the window to the planet that passed by every hour on the station’s rotation. “The gravity in here is one-third of Earth normal. The planet out there is more than two times the diameter of Earth yet has a gravity of only eleven-point-seven meters per second squared. That’s right around twenty percent higher than Earth.”

“The point?” The ambassador felt it was getting nowhere with this creature.

“We’ve been finding lots of ‘Super-Earths’ like this one, but most have too high of a gravity for us to live on them. This one is like a paradise just waiting for us to shape it.”

She watched the planet transit past the window out of view before continuing. “Half the surface is covered in water…fresh water, and the climate is steady with tropical heat at the equator, mellowing to sub-arctic climates at the poles. A reasonable stellar rotation of thirty-four hours and a few minutes, and the existing microbial life is harmless.

“In short, this planet will be as important to humans as Earth in a matter of two or three generations.”

The ambassador lowered its eyestalks in query. “Does that mean that human expansion will stop here until this world is over-populated?”

Carlie tilted her head. “Why would we do that?”

“You just said yourself how important this planet is, and that it would be a paradise. Is that not enough?”

“Enough what?”

“For your species. Enough for your species. Will it make humans happy?”

“Of course…some…for a while.” Carlie put a tentative hand on one of the ambassador’s tentacles.

It was surprised as much by the gesture, as by the texture of the manipulator; smooth and dry, with small whorls and ridges that no doubt provided grip. “I think I have an understanding of humans, now. You will never be content.”

“Maybe. Are you saying that once we find something good, we should just stop? Be content and complacent and never strive for anything more?” Carlie shook her head.

“Not complacent,” it said, “just content. Expansion should only occur when the current holdings can no longer support the population. It is the civilized thing to do.”

“Look, Ambassador, we’re not all the same. Some humans will be content to settle down and stay put. Others won’t. We’ll continue seeking to expand our knowledge, capabilities, and our borders.”

Carlie patted the ambassador’s tentacle then stepped back. “It’s been a pleasure meeting with you, and answering your questions, but I have a lot of work to do.”

She turned to leave and stopped, turning back again. “The only sure way to protect humanity is to ensure we are spread far and wide. Tell your Conglomerate that if their idea of civilized is to expand only when your population is in jeopardy, we’ll continue to be uncivilized apes.”