Fourteen More Seconds

Ezra Shelton had done well for himself since Chloe Brooks had seen him last. As she sat in the lobby of his law office, Chloe took note of the indications of a recent renovation: unscuffed walls, fingerprint-less cabinet handles, dustless window panes. Even the couch she sat on had a new smell, like it was wrapped in plastic for months and was only recently introduced to fresh air. The Ezra she knew fourteen years ago was not the Ezra who owned and operated this law firm. He had changed. 

She had not.

“Can I get you anything while you wait?” his receptionist asked. “I have water, coffee, tea, La Croix?” 

“I’ll take a La Croix. Thanks,” Chloe said.

“Certainly.”

The receptionist retreated across the room, opened a cabinet and retrieved a stemless glass. Chloe heard the can pop open and ice clink inside the glass, followed by little fireworks as the fizzy water hit the ice. There was an unceremonious clink of the empty can being returned to the granite countertop. 

The receptionist turned back to Chloe and glided across the Persian rug to deliver the blackberry-flavored beverage. As a courtesy, Chloe had already prepared a coaster from the corner of the marble coffee table. The receptionist acknowledged the coaster with a smile as she set the glass down in front of Chloe.

“Please let me know if there’s anything else I can get you,” she said, already retreating back to her desk. 

“Cheers,” Chloe said.

Chloe picked the glass up and put it to her lips, letting them linger a while in the bubbles. She looked out the window and marveled at the city of Chicago. The trees had not yet shaken all of their gold and scarlet leaves, but she could see that they were beginning to bald. Scarves and gloves protected the people on the streets from the biting wind. Chloe checked the weather report prior to her arrival, and there had been a warning of snowfall in the coming week. But Chloe would be long gone before then. She’d be back in Southern California tomorrow, where the threat of snow was slim to none.

The receptionist’s telephone rang. She picked it up, and Chloe heard mumblings. The receptionist hung up the phone and looked at Chloe.

“Mr. Shelton will see you now.” 

Chloe gathered her purse and followed the receptionist into Ezra’s office. Dizziness overcame her at the mention of Ezra’s name, at the thought of seeing him again after all this time. Her legs carried themselves inside, robots leading the way. She was so nervous, she could barely see.

Ezra Shelton sat behind three computer monitors. He didn’t look up at her right away. This allowed Chloe a chance to collect herself, to recite Ahto’s words and give her strength.

Seize the world, kid, she replayed in her head. At this reminder, she inhaled sharply and straightened herself up.

“Miss Fairbanks, is there anything else I can get you?” The receptionist asked.

“No, thank you,” Chloe said.

Ezra’s head swiveled in her direction at the sound of her voice, and the two locked eyes. In each other’s gaze, they were twenty-two again. They were sharing a beef burrito near a gas station dumpster at 3 a.m. They were shoulder-to-shoulder in his studio apartment bathroom, brushing their teeth in silence. They were vacationing in a time they could never get back, and neither wanted to be the first to break that moment. 

But all vacations end.

“Chloe?”

“Hi, Ezra.”

The receptionist did a double take at Chloe. “You said your name was…” 

“I’m sorry, I made this appointment under a fake name,” Chloe clarified. The receptionist gave Ezra an inquisitive look.

“It’s alright,” Ezra said with a reassuring hand wave. The receptionist understood she was being dismissed and retreated, the heavy door thudding behind her.

Ezra emerged from behind his desk, his arms splaying outward as he made his way to her. Chloe had forgotten how tall he was, standing at 6’2”. He offered a polite but cautious embrace, uncomfortable and stiff as he leaned down to press his upper half to Chloe’s. They used to laugh at this kind of hug. “Leaving room for Jesus” they’d called it, when two people hugged with their asses sticking out. 

When they released from their conservative reunion, Ezra gestured toward one of two cushioned seats opposite his oak desk as he returned behind it. 

“Please, sit,” he said, and Chloe obliged him.

“It’s been a long time,” she began. “You’ve done quite well for yourself.”

He let out a modest laugh. “I’ve done alright. What about you?”

Chloe shrugged at this, tugging the corner of her left lip upward. “If this is just alright, then my situation’s not even worth discussing.”

“Are you in trouble?” Ezra’s sudden shift from wearing the old friend hat to now wearing that of a lawyer’s took her by surprise.

“I’m not here seeking legal advice, Ezra.” 

He nodded, but he looked confused. 

“Did you move to Chicago recently?” he probed.

“No, I’m just here for a visit. Actually, this is my first time here. It’s a beautiful city you’ve got.”

“Never a dull moment. Are you visiting friends?” he asked.

“Not exactly.” She could see that he was growing more confused.

“I see. Well, what brings you to town?” 

Seize the world, kid, she recited to herself.

“I came here for something. But before I get to that, I need to give a little context. Just listen, okay?” 

“Okay.”

“My grandfather died three months ago.”

His face softened. “Ahto?”

“Yes, Ahto.”

“Oh, Chloe. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know you two were close.”

“Close,” she said with a scoff. “Ezra, he was all I had.”

“I know. I remember.”

“Do you remember how he was?” 

Ezra nodded a little more aggressively than his previous nods. “Yes, I do. Nothing got past that man.” A smile crept across Ezra’s face as he enjoyed a fond remembrance. 

“Was it lung cancer?” he asked.

“It was.”

“Figures. I never saw him without an unfiltered cigarette dangling from his mouth.”

“Lord knows I tried to get him to stop. But he was as stubborn as they come.”

“Yes, he was,” Ezra said. “He lived an honest life. He was always telling it like it was, calling ‘em like he saw ‘em.”

“He never lost that quality, just so you know. That way of telling a person the truth they needed to hear the most. He didn’t care that truths are rarely ever nice. He told me I was wasting my life,” Chloe said. Her voice was beginning to crack. “And the thing is, he was right.”

A silence fell between them. Ezra nudged a conveniently-placed tissue box in Chloe’s direction. She imagined this happened often in his line of work. She refused, thanked him anyway, and kept going.

“This part is going to sound crazy, but it’s the reason I’m here. Just promise you’ll listen, even if you don’t believe it.”

“I already said I would, Chloe.”

“I know. Alright. First things first: My son spends weekends at his dad’s place.” 

“That’s right. I’d heard you’d had a child,” Ezra said, his face lighting up.

“Yeah,” Chloe said. The mention of her son eased the tension she felt from the moment she stepped off the plane. “Joshua. He’s absolutely amazing. He turned nine this year.”

“It happens fast, doesn’t it?” Ezra asked.

“Too fast,” Chloe agreed. 

“Anyway,” she continued, “last Saturday, I was home alone. When Josh isn’t with me, I like to sleep with the TV on. It’s comforting, you know? All those voices. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night, but last Saturday, I did. The room was pitch black. The TV had been turned off, and like I said, no one was home with me. And then suddenly I realized I couldn’t move. It’s like I had melted into the bed. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t.”

“Sleep paralysis,” Ezra said.

“That’s what Google called it, but Google didn’t have an explanation for the next part. What I felt next,” Chloe said. Ezra leaned in.

“There was pressure on the side of my mattress, like someone was slowly taking a seat at the edge of my bed. My mind went to all these different places, like, had I been drugged? Was someone in the house with me? I legit thought I was going to die that night.”

“Jesus,” Ezra said. 

“Yeah, it was terrifying. Until it wasn’t. Whatever that thing was at the edge of my bed eventually got closer to me, and that’s when I smelled him. Tobacco and sweat, mostly. It was Ahto. He got right up to my ear, and I swear to you I could feel the prick of his goatee against my ear. And then he whispered, and I haven’t been able to get his words out of my head since.

“‘Seize the world, kid.’”

 “Damn,” Ezra said, sitting back in his chair. Where he had seemed full of suspense moments ago, he now looked incredulous. Ezra had always been pragmatic; that much had stayed the same about him over the last fourteen years.

“Stop,” Chloe said, putting her hand up. “I know you think it’s crazy. It is crazy, it makes no sense. And I know you’re sitting there wondering what kind of drugs I’m on, which ones would make me think it’s okay to fly across the country to tell you a ghost story about my dead grandfather. But this thing happened to me, Ezra. Ahto told me before he passed that I was wasting my life, and whether it happened in real life or if it’s all in my head, he visited me in the middle of the night to remind me of it.” 

Ezra looked as if he were about to say something, but then he didn’t. He waited for Chloe to finish, looking as puzzled as she’d ever seen him. It was now or never. 

“I can’t say for sure what he meant by ‘seize the world’, but if I had to guess, it’s you. After all this time, it’s always been you. I’ve been married, then divorced. I’ve had a child, and I’ve watched my child grow up. I’ve held one job, then held another, and another. The days and months feel long, but when I look back on the years that have passed, one thing has always remained true: I have never stopped thinking about you. And I’ve never stopped feeling the regret of losing you.”

Ezra held Chloe’s gaze the entire time she spoke, but when she was done, he broke the gaze to process. He rubbed his jawline with his palm, staring at the floor first and then transitioning to the window. It had started to rain outside, and they watched the drops dance on the window in silence.  

Ezra spoke first after taking the time to ground himself from wherever he went in his mind.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” Ezra finally said.

“I don’t want you to say anything.”

“You must have come here expecting something out of this.”

“Still pragmatic as ever, aren’t you? Isn’t it possible that I just came to say my piece?”

“‘Your piece’? Chloe. It’s been fourteen years. I’m married. I have two kids,” Ezra said, turning the picture frame in front of him to face her. Genuine delight came from deep within Chloe. Ezra had a beautiful family: his wife as polished and elegant as Chloe had always imagined she’d be, his two daughters as precious as porcelain dolls. 

“They’re beautiful,” Chloe said.

“They are. They’re my world now. And I’ll always care for you, Chloe, but that’s behind us now. You have to let me go.”

“I know,” Chloe said. “That’s why I’m here.”

Ezra let out a frustrated sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes, shutting them. Chloe marveled at the crows feet that appeared, his salt-and-pepper hair that was once jet black. How so much of him could look the way he did years ago, while subtle signs of aging could flourish all the same.

“I’ve said all I needed to say to let you go. This was the only way I know how,” Chloe said. She leaned over slightly to toss the unused tissue she had been fiddling with into the trash can. Ezra had opened his eyes at the sound of her movements, but remained slumped over, still pinching himself between his brows.

“You’ve done so many things in life, Ezra. Law school, opening a practice, starting a family. I’m proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished. And my Ahto would be proud of you, too. You seized the world. And I let it pass me by.”

Chloe paused what she was saying as they both looked toward the door, thinking they’d heard the door knob rattle. Once they were sure they were still alone, Chloe continued. 

“The best thing I’ve done in the last fourteen years is have a child. But unlike the happenings in your life, the rest of mine isn’t anything to write home about. And I’m changing that now. I’m not going to waste my life anymore. I’m going to seize the world now, my world. And you are an island in my world. I needed to visit you one last time before leaving you behind on the map of my life. Thank you for letting me do that.”

“I didn’t let you do that, though,” he mumbled at first, his voice growing louder. “You come to my office under a false name. You ambush me, drop a bomb on me.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Chloe said sincerely. “And I’ll be leaving now.”

She grabbed the straps of her tote purse and pulled it toward her body. She stood up from the chair, knowing it was time to leave. And though she was sorry it had come at Ezra’s expense, she felt proud of herself for the first time in over a decade. And she felt that Ahto would be proud, too. She turned on her heels and made her way to the door. 

She was halfway across Ezra’s office space when she heard him jostling behind her. His footsteps quickened, and she turned around. He charged her at first, and it startled Chloe, but he slowed his movements as he got closer. And she knew then that all she could do was relax. Let the next part happen as it would.

Ezra cupped her face with his large hands, staring first into her eyes before wandering down her face to her parted lips. He brushed his lips against hers, tickling her mouth into a smile. Less than an inch from each other’s faces, they locked eyes one more time. Chloe whimpered at the overwhelming ache that came over her. After fourteen years of dreaming this moment, she was finally awake in it.

They devoured one another. Ezra’s hands made his way from her face to her hair, tugging in a way that sent chills down her spine. The more he tugged, the harder she pressed her hips against him. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he gripped her thighs. He walked them both to his desk and sat her down at its edge. Passion ensued more intensely, and for a moment, Chloe prepared herself for things to escalate further. But in the same way their initial greeting could not last forever, neither could the fury of the desire between them. Mutually, they stopped. They had reached the top of the roller coaster, and it was time to get off the ride. 

Their eyes remained shut as their lips separated, and Ezra pulled away only enough for Chloe to plant her feet back on the ground. Standing against each other, they held on, knowing this would be the last time they’d ever share this kind of intimacy. Knowing that after fourteen years of wanting - and, potentially, a lifetime more of wondering what could have been - they were lucky to have had fourteen more seconds of each other in this lifetime.

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Shelton,” Chloe said as she pulled away, making her way toward the door.

“Take care, Ms. Brooks.”

She opened the door and swiftly exited Ezra’s office, shutting the door behind her. Neither she nor Ezra’s receptionist said a word to each other as she left the office lobby. When she reached the elevator and pressed the bottom button, she wondered if Ezra would come after her. But when the elevator bell dinged, she was glad that he hadn’t. He was finally in her past now.

She was free.

Chloe entered and pressed “L” for the lobby, staring at Ezra’s office door as the elevator doors shut. She slouched against the railing, her mind as empty as the elevator she rode in. As it made its way to the bottom floor of the building, she noticed a black moth in the opposite corner of the elevator.

“One island down, Ahto,” she said to it. 

And it could have been all in her imagination, but Chloe swore the moth flicked its wings right back at her.