My sister and I don't get along much. We argue and bicker, fight and hurt each other. It drove our mother crazy. So She sent us away to Nana's. I always loved staying at Nana's but not anymore, at least not in this sense.

"You know this is your fault right? You're the reason Mom sent us away." My sister said bitterly. She had olive-brown skin with long blond and brown highlights in her new blowout.

I don't get why she always straightened her hair. Personally I liked her coily hair, maybe her new boyfriend Todd doesn't. But Who gives a flying shit? It's HER hair not his. This is why I'll date in my race. Thank you very much.

"It's not my fault Nia. You always start it, You know I hate being yelled at and you still do it. And you always try to get me to this girly bullshit." I said barking back

"Hey, hey, hey, Language Rina Quinn González!" my mother shouted. "You cannot use that language! You are just turning 14 that does equal you being grown!"

"Never said I was grown..." I mumbled under my breath.

I dunno why I mumbled, Mexican moms have a way of hearing every little thing and me being sweared at in a language I didn't get taught was proof. I glanced at Nia who was fluent in spanish and judging by her cocky and egotistical smirk my mother was not taking the cursing thing lightly. I glared at Nia and flipped her off. Annoying little prick.

After a couple hours we finally got to Nana's house in Virginia. Nana's house was a big, spacious cottage. I always loved it. It looked right out of a fairytale, or my pinterest board. Nana was outside swinging on her flower covered swing sipping on a mock-tail and a bowl of salsa and chips on the side.

I immediately got out of the car and ran to hug Nana without thinking about my bags.

"Nana!." I exclaim with excitement as Nana embraces me. After couple moments though she pulled away and plucked my lips

"I heard you swearing now, ay? ¡Estrella! ¿Dejas que esta niña jure ahora? Sabes que si esto fuera Nia te pondrías una barra de jabón en la boca. Dios mío, no puedes disciplinarlos bien, ya hablando de salud mental y qué no. Las pobres Nia y Camila no entienden lo que es esa mierda mental. ¿Cuánto tiempo quiere que se queden Estrella? Ya que no puedes manejarlo."

"Mama It's Rina, not Camila. She doesn't wanna be called that anymore."

I looked up at Mom and Nana. I know they had some issues since I wanted to change my name and I was evaluated. I changed my traditional Mexican name that wasn't even originally mine. It was Nana's sister, Tia Camila. I hated the name, it was a pretty name but I don't even look at my Tia. She was full of wisdom and beauty and I'm full of Snarkiness and medium ugliness. I told my mom my name. My preferred name is Rina because it means sharp and witty in Greek and I would classify myself as sharp and witty as would my mother which is why I think she agreed to let me be Rina not Camila.

"Well I'm still Nia Nana." Nia said smiling.

"That's not what Todd calls you." I said rolling my eyes before Nia smacked me in the back of head and I kicked her. We started fighting like luchadores, kicking, punching. I even bit her. Mom didn’t know what to do at first until she finally broke it up by grabbing Nia by her collar. I could tell mom was pissed! Like really pissed. She stood Nia on her feet and had her by her collar and Nana separated me from her and Nia.

"You're still with that guy?! I told you to leave him! He's not good! He sells drugs, he hangs out with gang members, and he's a terrible influence on you. I mean, you’re even screwing his dumbass! What will happen when you get pregnant?! I can’t afford an abortion right now! Especially dealing with the medical fees and fixing my credit score along with paying your college tuition which will be for nothing since you’re not even taking your major seriously! Then between your father’s cremation and funeral.." Mom screamed at Nia, her tone filled to the brim with a dangerous mix of anger and stress.

But Nia just rolled her eyes and yanked her arm away. "He's actually in rehab. He's changed unlike your loser boyfriend. All he drinks is beer and lives off your paychecks.You’re talking about me being a disappointment of a daughter when you’re a disappointment of a mother."

Nia bit back as she glared at my mother.. I agree with mom though before Nia even dated Todd our relationship was pitch perfect. Like disney siblings type of a bond, she was my best friend and I was hers but Todd and college changed all that. I hate aging, if I had it my way mom would stay thirty-nine and Nia would be 17 again and Dad...Dad would just be with us. I think that's when Nia's and Mom's relationship shifted into a toxic debate between them and I was ref. When Dad died Mom was so depressed and her losing her job wasn't helping at all and all the debt we were in. Nia tried her best to help with everything then she started getting stressed and Mom started putting apparently pressure on Nia's academics was what made it all happen. Like a chain reaction that will last for almost ten long, agonizing months.

"I know what's best for you! I'm your mother! Everything you did I did! I'm trying to help you Nia" Mom said as nicely as she could but I could tell she was frustrated.

"I hate you! You always try and ruin my life just because yours is fucked up!" Nia turned to me

"And you! You're the biggest snitch I've ever met and I wish I never wished a sister or at least wished for a better sister! I wish both of you will just disappear from my life!"

Nia stormed inside of Nana's house and I looked at mom with a hurt expression. Not because My feelings were hurt but because my mother's expression made me want to break down. I could tell she wanted to cry or at least wish Nia understood better. Nana rubbed my shoulder gently and her lips grazed my ear as she whispered to me to go in the house. I obeyed and grabbed my bags before going into the house as Nana hugged my mom, I saw my mom crying into her shoulder. I saw her mouth the words “I failed as mother mama..I’m sorry.”

Nia was such an asshole. She hates me and I hate her.

"Dear Diary. Today is April 24th 2049, and As I wrote previously Nia still has a stick up her ass. But today was the last straw. She made mom CRY! yes this is not a drill she made mom who is strong, kind-hearted, and maybe little a worrywart and strict, cry! I've never seen mom this hurt since Dad's death. Nia is the worst! I hate Nia Ophelia González! She's such a groupie cock sucking slut! It's her fault we even have to spend the entire summer and spring break in Virginia with Nana. Not that I hate Nana or something but I'd rather be at the arcade with my friends gossiping about teachers and girls and boys we hate or the society we live in. Anyways Nana is calling me downstairs for dinner, I'm praying she didn't cook Enchiladas. I'd rather have corner store spicy corn on the cob or at least Taquitos. I love Nana's spicy Taquitos, it's soooooo good and has the perfect balance of spice.- Oh right I gotta go. Love Rina

I closed my green and yellow diary and hid it under my pillow and ran downstairs. Nia had just come out of the shower. I could tell by how her pajamas hugged her body and some damp spots on her shirt and shorts, not only that her hair was soaked and wrapped in curlers. Guess the blowout got wet. She'll look like a wet dog when it dries, bet she'll smell like one too.

"What time is it!? Dinner time! What’s for dinner? I got the munchies."

"Of course you'd still use ancient language from what? 2009? That was so long ago."

"Like your blowout. You're really BLOWING a lot of things lately. Like your job, your relationship with mom, me of course but you don't care, and don’t get me started on Todd." I said smirking. Before Nia could even argue back Nana plucked both of us and screamed at us in spanish to set the table. Or so i'm guessing I dunno I was just following what Nia was doing which was setting the table.

"Asshole." Nia whispered harshly towards me.

"Bitch" I barked back.

"Jackass"

"Whore"

"Dyke"

"Prostitute. Don't make me call your pimp. Toddddd" I said in a sing-along voice which caused me to get jabbed with a fork in my rib and I doubled over, holding my side.

"You don't know anything about my relationship so don't even try to make up lies about it." Nia said coldly.

"I hate you." I said harshly, wishing I had admitted it a long time ago. I don't think I love Nia anymore or whatever this version is. I hate her and her facade. Nia laughed mockingly and placed the plates as I placed the forks.

"Oh trust me I know. The feeling is mutual." Nia said with a look of disdain and tone filled with cruelness.

When Nana brought over the food I looked at it in disgust and gagged. Nana slapped my shoulder and handed me a loaded plate of Chicken Enchiladas with white rice and peppers.

"Nana, I hate Enchiladas. They look like sloppy playdough with kidney stones in them." I said, picking at my plate, trying to keep myself from throwing up. I glanced at Nia expecting a smart remark but I didn't. Probably because she was too busy stuffing her face with the food. I would’ve made fun of her if I weren’t so grossed out.

"Eat it Camila. You need it. You're so skinny, Cariño, tienes que abrazar tus raíces mexicanas, seguro que eres afroamericano debido a tu papá, ¡pero eres mexicano! Abrácelo. Ninguna nieta mía se avergonzará de su herencia. Te estás llamando Rina, Rina esto, Rina eso. Tú eres Camila, no Rina. Eso es una mierda de gente blanca." Nana said lecturing me about changing my name. Or so I’m guessing

Why do I need to be Camila? I am Rina. I hate being called Camila. It's not my name..I sunk into my chair as tears threatened to fall from my eyes. Suck. It. Up. Why are you crying over something as stupid as this? It's stupid and not even serious. I looked at my hands as I fidgeted with them, trying to focus on not crying or sniffling or shuddering. Basically avoiding to show any sign I was on the verge of tears.

"Nana You need to stop. Camila is Tia's name. Rina chose her name and it's Rina. Rina isn't a white name either, It's a Greek name. Our Father was Greek and African-American." Nia said in a respectful tone but I could tell she meant it in a smart way. There's the Nia I knew. The one who would stand up for me no matter what. The one who didn't let stupid boys control her life. I smiled at her and gave a silent thank you to her and she didn’t see it but I could tell she felt it. I ended up eating some decent amount.

After Dinner Nana didn't say a word to us after Nia stood up for me and neither did we. Me and Nia just stood quietly in the kitchen washing dishes together and I took a couple glances at her. I started to notice more things. Nia looked a lot like Mom, stressed, worried, tired but not sleepy, tired, just tired of life. I know Mom's and Nia's relationship is messed up and I know they miss the old days when we all got along and we weren't at each other's throats all the time. When Dad was alive, When we weren’t in debt, When we didn’t lose our apartment, When Mom didn’t lose her job or had messed up credit.

“Did you mean it?..” I asked Nia quietly. Nia looked at me puzzled before her gaze softened and she sighed.

“No…Rina I didn’t mean it. I know you’re not ready to tell Mom and Nana You’re…You know.” Nia said, wiping the droplets off of the dishes and I couldn’t hold back the few tears that left my cheek. Knowing she couldn’t get the words out. Knowing she was that disgusted of me. It was part of the reason I didn’t tell anyone but Nia because I thought Nia would still love me; But that feeling is over.

“Do you hate having a little sister like me? I mean sisters take after one another and I’m nothing like you..You have pretty brown skin and I’m white as a ghost, I don’t even look like my culture..Not only that you’re pretty and popular..I’m either of those things not only that-”

“Sibling…You’re not my sister nor my brother. You’re my sibling. I still love you the same even though you’re Non-binary and Gay. I didn’t mean to call you a Dyke, okay? I’m sorry I hurt your feelings and for being a terrible sister. I don’t actually Hate you..I could never, you have more brains and confidence than me. You’re not afraid of yourself and what you’re capable of..You’re happy. You’re not scared of saying no.” Nia in anger and hurt. But I didn’t hurt her, I didn’t scream at her, I didn’t anger her. She looked like her 17 year old self. Scared and hurt. I looked back at the dishes. The droplets representing how I felt inside. Teary-eyed and hollow and overall tired.

It puzzled me. What did she mean by that? Nia was the definition of confidence, she was always my inspiration and my idol growing up. I wanted her confidence, her style, her friends. I wanted to be a mini version of her, No I wanted to be HER. Why was she jealous of me? I looked up at her, I had something slick to say. She was definitely mocking me but her expression didn’t say that. She looked like she was hiding something big. Like way big.

“We all have secrets, Nia..” I said to her quietly like our feelings were secret. “I mean, I think it’s obvious I don’t identify as a girl or a boy but Mom doesn’t know I’m Pansexual. We all have secrets and later on in life those secrets have to come out. And when they do we’ll be free..”

I thought my words would get Nia out of this depressing state but it didn’t. She just stared blankly into the dishes. It was not only starting to worry me but scare me a little too. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder, shaking her out of her trance.

“Nia. Talk to me, what's wrong?” I said, trying to get her to speak to me. When she didn’t respond I started getting frustrated and I started shaking her violently.

“Nia! Tell me! Don’t become all mysterious and shit! I don’t care if you’re fricking grown, just listen to someone else other than your brain! You stupid, naive, bitchy-” I stopped in my tracks when I realized she was sobbing. She was sobbing uncontrollably at that too. I grabbed Nia, trying to keep her grounded and I hugged her. My grip on her firm.

“I can’t do this anymore Rina..I can’t keep acting I don’t care about my mistakes, my relationship, MY fucked up life.” Nia started crying into my shoulder. She gripped my shirt and kept crying and sniffling trying to get her words out. I was shocked by her sudden outburst. It was so random and emotional. How long was she keeping her feelings bottled up or to herself?.

“I can’t keep doing this Rina..I hate everything. I hate the fact I always make mom stressed out and I can’t have good grades. I hate dating Todd and his stupid friends. I hate vaping and I hate..I hate myself..I hate that I’m alive.” Nia said sobbing loudly. Her whines and tears staining my shirt and my heart.

“What do you mean Nia?..” I looked at her worried and what she did was something I was not expecting. A secret I was not expecting. What was under sleeves, what was on her thighs. Those scars, those fresh cuts. Those constant reminders that she was just nothing but flesh and bone. For the first time in a year I cried along with Nia. Because It hurted me that she thought of herself like that. That she thought she was nothing but flesh and bone. Nia Ophelia González was Kind, Smart, Confident, and so so beautiful. She wasn’t a waste of space, She wasn’t the reason mom is depressed or her credit score is messed up. It was not her fault that we lost our apartment and Mom lost her job. Nia was so much more than what she thought she was. I hugged her a little tighter as we both lied there, crying with each other. Not needing to say a word to each other.

Dear diary, I don’t hate my sister Nia Ophelia González. I love her, In this cruel It’s us against secrets. -Rina.

The end.