Lilacs and Sunflowers

Evangeline likes lilacs but she loves sunflowers. 

There is one remaining bush on our property. It stands near our front door.

Those familiar with the Madison Valley in Southwest Montana, know that the wind blows often, and snow is very dry and loves to fly around with the wind. We used to have bushes around the house bordering the driveway. Those bushes acted as a wind block, and as the wind blew the snow on the ground, monstrous snow drifts were created around the house and across our driveway. Snow drifts are bad especially in or along roads. Cars hate snow drifts. We have had two confrontations with snow drifts along roads, but that is a story for another time. Today we tell the story of sunflowers, the story of our love.

There is one remaining bush on our property, a lilac bush. In the winter it looks like a bunch of sticks reaching up to the sky begging to be seen…to be noticed. Alas, it is ugly in the winter. But when the rains of spring return, the bush blossoms with the most incredible foliage of green leaves and a crown of fragrant white flowers. I recollect Evangeline and her best friend sitting on the couch in our living room looking out the window at the bush in full bloom. The looks on their faces and their comments made me look at that bush in a new light, not just as an evil wind break for snow drifts but as something special. Something to be saved. Something that had meaning to Evangeline and to our friends. I know that if we manipulate the pH of the soil, we can make the lilacs come out in a very cool shade of light purple. A simple shade of purple, Evangeline’s favorite color, one that makes her heart smile. It might be too much work, but to make Evangeline’s heart smile, is well worth the effort. We will give it a try one of these days.

The lilac bush is the only remaining bush on the property because I cannot imagine removing it, for Evangeline loves it, so now, so do I.

Though Evangeline loves lilacs, her favorite by far is the sunflower. To me Evangeline’s essence is like a sunflower. Its petals outstretched to the world like Evangeline’s arms, and its face open and bright and radiating just like her soul. Evangeline is the sunflower or maybe the sunflower is her.

Many many images flash through my mind of all the sunflowers we have had in our lives. Images of sunflowers to last many lifetimes.

I see the sunflowers in the bridal bouquets from our wedding that are now wrapped in tissue paper and stored away for a future date. The bouquets Evangeline asked me to hang in the garage so they would dry out and we could store later. Now, with Evangeline absent, they remind me of our incredibly special day and her incredibly special smile. Always her smile.

I see sunflowers in the center pieces of our reception tables, and I remember seeing Evangeline’s eyes light up when the wedding florist said she would use sunflowers in the arrangements on our special day.

I can see the sunflowers hanging in jars on the posts marking the entrance to our property on our wedding day; just as someone would put balloons on the front of their house when having a birthday party. Come on in, celebration is in here!

I still find remnants of the artificial sunflowers that adorned our wedding altar when I walk in the pasture behind our house. I remember Emily and Rain, putting them up on the altar. Those flowers and the taffeta lace that engulfed them, stayed on that arch for more than a year after the wedding, that incredible day in July. Evangeline wanted the decorations to stay up. She thought it would give us good luck. Was she right? It sure made me happy to see her hope and love and her incredible smile.

I found a hummingbird’s nest and remains of a discarded hummingbird egg in the taffeta when I took adornments down. Hummingbirds still visit our house. Could it be the same ones? As the days and months have passed, the artificial sunflowers have long blown away into all parts of the pasture. I built that arch in our backyard as a gift to Evangeline, hoping to surprise my beloved. A special gift for a once in a lifetime special day.

As I walk the pasture, I look over at Evangeline’s property and wonder if any of the sunflower pieces have made it over there, flown by the wind. There are days I still go searching for remnants.

Our wedding day is still talked about in town. The wedding of the century. It was spectacular. We did not have a fancy venue or a buffet line of expensive food or a band for us to dance to. It was in our backyard, with barbeque for food, an incredible desert table with bison shaped moon pies, different flavored cakes, sunflower shaped sugar cookies, and a DJ to twirl the night away under a massive tent in the driveway. With fireworks to light up the Montana sky, a perfect finish to a perfect day. I still have the left-over sparklers from that night; they are stored next to the bouquets. It was so spectacular not because of the venue or the food or the music, it was spectacular and special because of all those friends and family that joined us on that day. It was special because of the amount of love radiating out of those present, especially the bride and groom. And to top it off we were blessed with a double rainbow to mark the day and our love for each other. God was incredibly happy that day.

Things have changed so rapidly since that day. There is talk of the Winter Olympics in a nearby ski resort. Property values are up, ‘chic’ businesses are moving into Bozeman, yet I continue to scour the ground for remnants of those sunflowers. Remnants of our love. Remnants of the best day of my life.

I remember our drive to the vanilla plantation in Kauai, I see a patch of sunflowers on the side of the road. Reminders everywhere we go.

I see sunflowers near the Hawaiian doughnut diner we stopped by to eat lunch and do our laundry, and again on our drive to buy Island Dream ice cream. Is God telling us something?

I feel her on my back, nuzzling my neck as we wade through the pool in our hotel on the Big Island. The huge swimming pool that is shaped like a sunflower. One of the best moments of my life. Feeling her up against my back, her arms wrapped around me and her gentle kisses on my neck – incredibly intimate. One of the best moments of my life. I can still feel her there years later.

I see sunflowers in the flower bouquet I gave Evangeline on our first wedding anniversary. I remember how happy she was when she saw the sunflowers there.

I see sunflowers in every other bouquet I have sent Evangeline over the years. Knowing how much she loved them and wanting to see her smile. Always seeing her smile.

I see a clock on the wall in our dining room. The clock is the work of an artisan and is in the shape of a sunflower. We bought it from that cool little shop in Pacific Grove across the street from Peppers Café. We visited that shop many times on our trips to Monterey.

I see sunflowers in the photo on the wall in her office, the one that I bought and hung there after she left. 

I see sunflowers in the arrangement I keep on her nightstand even now.

I hear there is a huge plantation of sunflowers on the north shore of Oahu. One of these days I will visit that plantation, stand among the rows of flowers, slowly turn, and see Evangeline everywhere I look.

I imagine her arms outstretched to the world like the sunflower’s petals. Her face open and bright like the face of the sunflower. Evangeline is like the sunflower or maybe the sunflower is like her. Now I know what I was supposed to know from the beginning, Evangeline is my sunflower.

The sunflower is now my favorite flower…