I Won't Apologize but I Will

       I Won’t Apologize but I Will

Suzanne Marsh

“I apologize to his excellency for speaking boldly. My name is Susanna Dickinson, my husband Almeron was the artillery captain. I ask of Your Excellency to let the women and children go, we can’t harm you, we have lost everything here at the Alamo.” Santa Ana held Susanna’s daughter Angelina in his lap, he looked up from his chair at the woman before him. Tears were streaming down her face, her face blackened from gunpowder, her hair disheveled. Susanna wished she could plunge a sword or fire a pistol at that smug face. Angelina played happily on his lap, he turned to Susanna: “Mrs. Dickinson, your life will be a hard one, I would like to adopt her, take her back to Mexico with me. I can give her a life most little girls just dream of. Susanna, not wishing to anger Santa Ana stood silently waiting to discover anything to help Sam Houston. She did not have to wait long: “Mrs. Dickinson, I meant no disrespect, perhaps there is something you would not mind doing for me. Please do not be frightened, I mean you no harm. I have questioned my men to discover who fired the shot that wounded you. I am glad it was not serious.” Susanna, bit her tongue, as she retorted: “You have killed my husband, I will not give you our child to raise. I have lost everything, you have taken everything from me, what can I possibly do to help you?”

Santa Ana his handsome face smiling smugly, he had found his messenger, he would send her to Sam Houston with this simple message: “The treatment accord the rebels at the Alamo will be the treatment to which the country will be subjected. I have written this down also for General Houston, so there will be no question as to my intentions. I am sending you to Gonzales to find General Houston, from there you will be alone. We will see that you are accompanied by Joe, Travis’ slave, he is free now and can help you on your journey.

Susanna felt as if she would like to slap that smug face, she also knew that could get her killed and her daughter taken to Mexico. She simply stood there and waited, as Santa Ana handed over her child and two pieces of silver. Susanna strode out of the room, holding her daughter in her arms, wondering what sort of person could murder her husband and want to care for her child. She knew she was going to have a difficult time. She could still envision Almeron rushing into the room she and Angelina were hiding in yelling: “Great God Sue, the Mexicans are inside our walls; if they spare you save our child.” That was the last time she ever saw Almeron alive, she shed more tears as she led the horse, with Angelina mounted on its back, out of the Alamo. Joe was seated on a horse as they turned eastward toward Gonzales. Joe knew that Susanna’s nerves were raw, he rode on silently as she wept for all t she lost.

Just as Susanna and Joe were crossing the Cibolo; Erastus “Deaf” Smith and Henry Wax Karnes, scouts for Houston, happened upon Joe and Susanna. Neither was sure how to help Susanna, she had cried so hard for her husband Almeron, her eyes were so red. She was twenty-two years of age at the time, with a small child and no income. Susanna as soon as the two men dismounted began:

“The Alamo has fallen, there were no survivors. I need to see General Sam Houston, I must tell him everything.” “Deaf” glanced over at Karnes wondering how to deal with a hysterical woman and small child. They decided the best thing was to take her to Gonzales, there she could tell Sam Houston all the details of the massacre at the Alamo. They rode on into the night, Susanna was tired but she had to do as she had promised Santa Ana. Susanna and Angelina slept fitfully on the cold ground for a few hours. Smith and Karnes woke them; once again they continued on their journey to Gonzales.

Sunset brought the small party to the camp of General Sam Houston; “Deaf” Smith quickly dismounted, and then went to find General Houston. He found him moments later:

“General Houston, Mrs. Dickinson; the Alamo fell into Mexican hands, there were no survivors.” Houston blanched, he had been hearing rumors that Alamo had fallen; he had “Deaf” fetch Mrs. Dickinson. Susanna appeared moments later with Angelina in her arms, disheveled, face still blackened by gun powder, once again in hysterics. Houston took her inside his tent, he had no idea what to do with hysterical woman so he waited patiently as she collected her thoughts. She began abruptly:

“General Houston, the Alamo fell March 6^th, 1836 shortly after dawn. The defenders, my husband among them were murdered by bayonet and pistol fire, canons, there was no hope. My child and I were hidden in a small room off of the chapel, we clung to each other. The canons roared, I could hear screams of terror. Almeron came to me telling me that the Mexicans were inside the Alamo, all was lost. He kissed me then returned to his post, I heard his painful screams. I heard him yelling telling the men they needed to turn the canon to stop the Mexicans. He was killed for his efforts. Santa Ana, gave me this message to give to you. You can’t do anything to help Almeron but you can stop Santa Ana from doing worse things, please General Houston stop Santa Ana.”

General Sam Houston listened, he fell to his knees and cried, one hundred and eighty two men perished that morning. She also informed Houston of Santa Ana’s demand for surrender, Travis’ answer with a canon ball. She told him of her meeting with Santa Ana, the two silver dollars and a horse.

Houston began to formulate the “Runaway Scrape”, he had to buy more time to organize and build his army, then at the right time he would strike. From March 6 to April 21^st, 1836 the “Runaway Scrape” lasted until the Battle at San Jacinto. Houston defeated General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana in a battle that lasted eighteen minutes. Susanna, was with Houston during the” Runaway Scrape”, sorrow followed her most of her life, she had three unsuccessful marriages. Angelina died at a young age, Susanna raised her grandchildren.