Who Does Everything Right?

“If Jesus was born, lived, and died in our time, would a church be built on his birthplace?” Half the class was asleep, the other half texting. It was always Emma.

“No, Mr. Emerson, We’d set up a special containment facility, temporarily, then preserve everything, just as it was.” She looked at Oliver, Noah, or any of the boys. A reaction, anything at all was needed. One boy stirred, not the one she hoped for.

“Yeah, preserve the cow, the dirty straw, pigs being pigs…” piped up Jonah.

Everyone laughed, even Mr. Emerson, though if you looked closely, with another blown religion lesson, it was no laughing matter. At least Ms. Fife wasn’t sitting in this time.

“Ok, well, Here’s the grade ten assignment.” With groans, and muttering, a few people woke up, and others started putting their cell phones away. Emma was handing it out. Why does she bother? wondered Mr. Emerson. 

“And don’t forget! I will collect this at the end of this period and mark it!” Mr. Emerson spluttered.

***

Delia could tell, she knew right away. “So how did it go today, David?” she asked with her best breezy voice, the one she practiced at school. “Make any converts to the cause?” 

Delia and David sat down opposite each other at a table in the teacher’s lounge. Three weeks into the semester, Delia, the religion department head, was still asking what she could do. Ms. Fife, the principal, must have already talked to her.

“Fine, Great,” David lied. “Well, actually I feel like quitting.”

“Oh, yes of course. I'm sure you won’t mind heading up plans for St. Francis' monthly Mass. This Friday. Remember? You’ll need to remind Father McCaffrey and don’t forget to tell the music teacher about what she needs to rehearse in the way of music for the Mass.” She took a gulp from her coffee and stared at her homemade ham sandwich. Then it was like she suddenly woke up.

“Did you say you want to quit?”

“Yes. I did say that.”

“Why?”

Why? Oh, I don’t know, thought David. Was it the only job he could get as a teacher? Were people banging down the door trying to teach religion to teenagers? This job had to be the hardest teaching job on the planet!

“David, just tell me one thing I can help you with.”

So much to choose from! “How about how no matter how interesting I make my lessons, no one engages? What do you do about that?”

Delia sighed. “I heard that you’re letting your students use their cell phones in class. That’s against school policy. You might want to do something about that. It’s hard to compete with the internet.”

“So, what do I do exactly?”

“Tell them it’s not allowed and enforce the rule of no cell phone use during class time.”

***

If David had the wisdom that an experienced teacher had, he would have known to never allow a situation like this to develop in the first place. But he was stuck with a problem now that even an experienced teacher would have trouble dealing with. David went to see the vice principal in his spare, to get his ideas.

“Hello David!” chimed Mr. O’Malley. He threw a tennis ball at him from behind his desk. David fumbled the catch, picked it up off the floor, and handed it back. 

“Just wanted to see if you are on the ball! That’s all!”

“Not my day,” David muttered. 

“What can I do you for?”

David sat down in one of the two chairs opposite Mr. O’Malley’s desk. Mr. O’Malley made to get up and shut the door to his office.

“Don’t do that, please,” David asked.

“Sure. No sweat. What’s up?”

“My students use their cell phones when I teach them.”

“And?”

“I can’t get through to them now in my lessons.”

“Perfectly understandable. So, do you want a plan to deal with this? I can help you with that. First off, are your students wearing their uniforms properly?”

David wanted to ask what that could possibly have to do with cell phone use in class, but he let it go and just answered the question.

“No.” 

“Well, that is what you start with.” Mr. O’Malley told him to have written work on the board that the students would be expected to copy when they got in class. Then he wanted David to follow this up each day with an inspection and make a note of all infractions of the school dress code. Three strikes would result in a trip to see the VP. 

“Oh, and one more thing. I want the name of your worst-behaved student in your worst class. We’ll develop something a little later after you have made an impression over the uniforms.”

“But what about cellphone use?”

“One thing at a time. We’ll get to it.”

***

The very next day, David implemented the plan. And over the days that followed he started to see the genius behind it. Confronting everyone over cell phone use could have been an explosive situation for any teacher. But nitpicking over how teenagers dressed, over small things that could be easily fixed was making students take him seriously. No one wanted to go see the VP and have their parents come to the school for an interview about their uniform. David went back to see Mr. O’Malley to tell him about his progress. This time he caught the ball and laid it on his desk.

“So?”

“Great, simply great. It’s been four days and all I have to do is look at a student closely and they start to wonder what they might be doing wrong.”

“It’s like anything in life," expounded the VP. "If you hold people accountable, they will respond. Now about cell phones. Just put the rule on the board and have a little chat. Be honest. Say you didn’t think the rule was important, and now you have trouble getting people to do their work. Tell them it is important. Ask for cooperation and then in a few days, send your worst-behaved student to me so I can suspend them.”

David was aghast. Suspension? “But what if my worst-behaved student is not using his cell phone?”

“That is an impossibility!” smiled Mr. O’Malley.

***

The chat went well. David didn’t belabor the point or spend a lot of time explaining things. He wasn’t openly challenged about the rule. Other teachers weren’t allowing cell phone use, so the students had expected the change anyway. He started his lesson. The class had been focusing on the life of Jesus, his birth and early life had been covered. Now they would focus on how and why Jesus was considered to have worked miracles and healed people. David started by asking if the students actually believed that miracles had occurred. Emma was first. 

“Of course, those miracles happened!” she so brightly said, frowning when quite a few of the other students booed her.

“Now class,” Mr. Emerson cautioned. “We need to be more respectful of each other’s opinions.” He focused on Emma, noticing that her cheeks were flushed, and he wondered if he should risk calling on her. He decided to give it a try. “Emma, can you give a reason for why you believe this?”

“Well, if Jesus hadn’t done anything special in his life would we even know about him?”

Mr. Emerson was surprised by her answer. “Excellent. Who would like to reply to that?”

Jonah had something to say. “This is such a joke! If Jesus did miracles it would only be because they didn’t have hospitals back then!” Many students laughed and some even jeered.

Mr. Emerson waited for the noise to die down. “So, Jonah, whether Jesus did miracles or not doesn’t matter? Is that what I hear you saying?”

Jonah rolled his eyes and waited. Then he got tense and angry suddenly. “Religion is a joke! I have to take religion because my parents make me go to this stupid school! I could care less about this stuff!”

The class got extremely quiet. It was like everyone was holding their breath. All eyes were on Mr. Emerson.

“You don’t have to believe what is taught here Jonah, we have students here who are not Roman Catholics.”

“Whatever!”

“So, you abstain from further discussion on this topic? That’s perfectly OK.”

“I don’t need your permission for anything!” Jonah was livid, and he even stood up. He held up his cell for everyone to see. “And one more thing. I’ll use my cell phone whenever I want!”

“Leave my class. Go to the office! Now!”

***

David dropped by Mr. O’Malley’s office after school that day. His face was burning, and he felt exhausted. The VP didn’t throw that ball this time.

“Five-day suspension. Nicely handled!” chirped the VP.

David slumped into a chair. Why on earth did things go this way? His unspoken thought. It was like Mr. O’Malley could read his mind.

“Don’t take the whole world on your shoulders, David. We’re not that important!”

“But what about Jonah?” moaned David.

“Jonah? I’ll suggest to his parents that he go to a public school. Failing that, he can serve his suspension for flagrant disrespect of a teacher.”

“So, I didn’t do anything wrong?”

“Who does everything right David?”

David left that question unanswered and thanked Mr. O’Malley for his help. Outside, it was well past five and he still had a lot of marking to do. The cool fall air was invigorating. David smiled and put his earbuds on. Maybe he could do the hardest job on the planet after all.