THE SNEAKERS IN HER CLOSET

            When Marissa Pelka decided to take advantage of an early retirement offer from the suburban New Jersey school district where she had been teaching for more than two decades, she was filled with many emotions. She had enjoyed a very satisfying career for close to 27 years while exposing teenagers to many aspects of fine arts in her classroom. Marissa also experienced much pleasure in fostering an environment where her students could discover their own artistic abilities.

            The thought of no longer being bound each day to a well-ordered schedule filled her with pleasurable thoughts. If she had the luxury of time every day, Marissa could spend her days perfecting her sculpting, or further sharpening her skills with her beautiful water color paintings. She also envisioned all the weekday opportunities that she could travel by train into New York City to visit all the wonderful museums and galleries. 

            And so, Marissa, imbued with steadfast confidence, and with the assurance from her financial advisor that her savings and investments, along with the pension she would receive, were all more than adequate to maintain her current lifestyle, she accepted the early retirement package. Marissa was a single woman, and knew she had to rely on her own capabilities to survive in the world, and she was well-equipped to assume the responsibility of being the sole provider for every aspect of her life, even though she was currently involved in a loving relationship with Lucas Harrison.  They had met a few years ago when Marissa enrolled in a photography course that Lucas was teaching at the local community college. 

            They had started out grabbing a coffee after the class, and it eventually evolved into a more serious relationship that both enjoyed. They were both agreeable to live in their own homes during the week, and during the weekends, they spent the time together in either of their residences. This arrangement worked well for them both. When Marissa told Lucas about her plan to accept the early retirement, he was very supportive of her decision. 

            With two months left of the academic year before Marissa would bid farewell to her very gratifying career, Marissa felt like she was constantly running around tying up loose ends. It was important to her to organize her classroom, and all the supplies she had acquired over so many years for her students to express themselves in a variety of mediums. Whoever her replacement might be, she wanted to leave that person with a well-equipped teaching space. 

            When the last day of school finally arrived, two of Marissa’s dearest friends and colleagues, Rosie Hart and Pamela Goldstein took her out for cocktails and a fabulous meal at The Capital Grille. Whenever these women were together, whether in the teachers’ lounge or out for coffee or something stronger, they had much to chat about. Rosie, the most outspoken of the three of them asked Marissa what exactly was she going to do the next day and all the days thereafter. Marissa smiled, and told her friends that Lucas was taking the day off, and she didn’t know exactly what his plan was, but she was sure it would be a delightful time. Marissa also told them that later in the week she was going to head to Macy’s, and outfit herself with running sneakers, and an assortment of leggings, shorts, tank tops and a sweatshirt. Both Rosie and Pamela laughed, and Marissa explained that she wanted to start her weekdays getting some exercise. Her plan was to begin with a brisk walk for a few weeks, and eventually attempt to run a mile. Both Rosie and Pamela, like Marissa, were in their late fifties, and were impressed by Marissa’s immediate goal. She then explained that what she really was looking forward to was visiting museums and galleries in New York City each month, and devoting more time to her own creative pursuits. The women toasted to Marissa achieving her goals in the not too distant future. 

            When Marissa arrived home that evening, she found placed on her doormat a beautiful bouquet of a dozen pale pink peonies, her favorite flower, with a note from Lucas congratulating her, and reminding her of their plans for the very next day to celebrate this momentous decision she had made. Marissa, was filled with so many conflicting feelings. Excitement and apprehension, wonder and a hint of fear, all disappeared as she placed the exquisite peonies in her favorite purple ceramic vase that was created for her years ago by one of her students. Instead she focused her thoughts on what Lucas might have planned for their private celebration of Marissa’s departure from her long and satisfying teaching career.

            After a full week of congratulatory wishes from colleagues, friends and family members near and far, Marissa was ready to confront a new arrangement of her days.

As she had promised herself, the next morning she got out of her bed, and slipped into some of the new garments she had purchased for her exercise regimen. She was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable her new grey and black Asics running sneakers felt on her feet. With a contented expression on her face, since it was a nice sunny morning, she headed out for that first walk since the school year had ended. There was a nice winding path leading out of her development of townhouses, that was a little more than a half mile. Her immediate goal was to walk that path, and turn around to return home, thus completing a mile. The path was landscaped beautifully with many summer seasonal flowers for Marissa to admire and enjoy. Two weeks later, she was able to walk the path back and forth twice, very satisfied that she had walked for two miles.

            By mid-August, Marissa had much confidence, and began running for the first mile, and walking the second mile. She was overjoyed with her progress. When she traveled into New York City to visit various museums, she found that her stamina in walking about these museums was much improved. 

            At the end of September Marissa was running for three miles each weekday. When she met with Rosie and Pamela for dinner one night, both of her dearest friends were amazed at well Marissa looked. Pamela suggested that maybe she and Rosie should start thinking about retiring too, and they all shared a good laugh.

            But soon Marissa would not be spending a lot of time laughing. After coming home from an early run that first week in October, she was showering, and discovered a small lump on her left breast. She immediately contacted her doctor, and got an appointment the very next day. That was the onset of numerous visits to various specialists, and having several tests performed, all culminating in a diagnosis of breast cancer. Although Marissa tried to remain optimistic, she instinctively knew her life was going to be altered. When she told Lucas, his still handsome face displayed genuine concern. He was totally supportive, and even offered to move in with her once her treatment began, to help her out in any way she needed. Although his offer was much appreciated, Marissa was determined to remain as independent as she had always been.  

            By late-October, Marissa was to have her first chemotherapy infusion. That day she woke up very early, and did her run in an attempt to keep things as routine as possible. Her friend Rosie insisted on taking the day off, and accompanying her to the medical center to keep her company during the long hours of the treatment. Rosie, with her  gregarious personality, chatted  non-stop with Marissa in an attempt to lessen any trepidation her friend was experiencing during this regimen that would be repeated every few weeks. In the early afternoon, Marissa convinced Rosie to go to the cafeteria, and take a break from sitting alongside her in this somewhat gloomy room filled with cancer patients all receiving their dose of chemicals that made many quite ill. Several hours later, Marissa was released, and Rosie drove her home after Marissa profusely thanked her friend for spending the day with her.

            The next morning Marissa was still feeling much like herself, and she got herself up early, slipped into those grey and black running sneakers, and off she went.  She ran for two miles and walked the last mile, having begun to feel just a bit fatigued. The following day, Marissa could only manage to run the one mile, and slowly walked home. By the third day, she made the decision not to go out for her run in the morning, in the hope that by the afternoon she would feel more energetic. Instead, by that afternoon, she was napping on her couch. The effect of the drugs had taken over. Marissa tried not to be sad about this inflicted change to her daily routine. Instead, she tried to think about how the chemo was eradicating her body of the cancer. She also knew that her energy level would continue to decrease with each infusion. Reluctantly, she put away her running sneakers into her closet. Then she retrieved the pair of her favorite comfy red, fleece-lined clogs. She could just slip into them every day, much more easily than bending and tying laces. Marissa thought about all the things she could no longer do as the weeks went by, but she was able to accept the trade-off. She knew in her heart of hearts, that sometimes one has to give up one thing to acquire something greater. In her case it was to be restored to good health. When she found herself starting to sulk when sitting in the infusion chair during her next several appointments, she would close her eyes, and recall the scenes of the lovely floral landscapes along the route she once ran. Marissa knew that one day she would eventually be able to run again. Whenever she arrived back to her townhouse after having her chemo appointment, there was always a shopping bag at her door. Pamela would leave a large container of homemade chicken soup, a small tin of chocolate chip cookies, and DVD of some romantic movie. On the weekends, Lucas always stopped at their favorite restaurant and brought a few pasta dishes for them to enjoy over the weekend, and two cartons of mint chip ice cream. Marissa had found that some days when the after effects of the chemo were bad, the mint chip ice cream was the only thing she could taste and enjoy.

            After her chemotherapy sessions finally came to an end, as a precaution she agreed to several weeks of radiation. Her schedule was to receive the new treatments every weekday for two months. She was able to drive herself to the medical center every morning, park her car, and walk the short distance to the radiation department. Every day she began to feel a bit stronger. After the second week she had an idea. She started to park her car further away from the entrance to the center. This gave her the opportunity to walk a longer distance. Then, two weeks later she retrieved her running sneakers from her closet, and put them on when going to her radiation appointment. 

One day she parked her car even further from the entrance to the radiation center. She stood alongside her parked car, took a deep breath, and ran, yes ran to the entrance. The distance was maybe a quarter of a mile, but to Marissa it felt like she had just run a marathon. She continued to make those runs from the parking lot until the very last day of her radiation therapy. When she left the changing room on the last day of Marissa’s personal assault on her cancer, Lucas was in the waiting room much to her surprise. He greeted her with an all-consuming hug, and then presented her with a beautifully wrapped package. She sat down on one of the chairs and opened it right away. Inside the box was a pair of red suede with black trimmed running shoes. Marissa could not be happier, and hand in hand, she and Lucas left the medical center for the last time. 

            The next day Marissa awoke, and decided to attempt to run the very first path in her development once again. But first she took those worn grey and black sneakers, and placed them in the back of her closet, as a reminder of what she had accomplished in the past, and also to be reminded of her determination to endure all the therapies that would allow her good health to be restored. 

            She slipped into the very striking red suede with black trimmed running shoes, and a minute later she was out the door heading toward the path that would allow her to resume the dream that she had planned for herself. And she was running.