An Ancestral Spirit Calls

There was something cold in that room. You could feel it. It was a cold that chilled you to the bone. The cold of the unknown, the supernatural and yet it felt as real as touching ice or snow. Then I saw it or her. I don’t know which. I caught it out of the corner of my eye and I felt my heart and soul turn to ice. I saw it or her for only a second a shadow, and yet, I knew there was something there, something not of this world.

The cold took a hold of me until I left the room. That room, where she spent her last days. That room they say she refuses to leave to this day. What did I see in the corner? What is it her ghost or my imagination working overtime? The stories are many, of the ghost in that room. The story about a young widow that died of a broken heart in that room when she lost her husband in World War I. She stays in that room waiting for her lover, her husband to come home to her. The husband died in the war and has not returned to her even in death.

This house has been in my family for years, and I remember my grandmother talking about her aunt who was married for three days before her husband went off to war. I remember my mother yelling at me and my friends when she caught us playing in that room. I have spent years visiting my grandmother in this house, and I never felt or saw anything in that room. That room of despair. Now I can feel the misery and pain when I enter that room. The coldness grabs my very soul when I open the door. That is why my grandmother kept the door closed. The feelings are so overwhelming and the cold that comes with them will freezes my heart.

Today was the first day I came to this house after my grandmother passed away. I don’t even remember why I went into that room today, or even why I am in this house today. I have had the house on the market since I inherited the dwelling and all the furniture after mom died. I am wondering if I was somehow called to this house. I am feeling the death of my mom, and missing her so deeply. Maybe the spirit of this widow, this ancestor called to me. Why would this spirit call to me? Was it because I too have felt loss? Was it because I also feel like my world is over. Death is the critical loss, a loss that will never be returned.

Why would this spirit call to me? Why would this relative of years ago call to me? Maybe the answer is in that room, and with that ghost. I must discover why this ghost called to me now after all those years of being in that house, with my mother and grandmother. Why now after all the women are gone in my family.

I remember the stories my grandmother told me of our family history. The story of her great grandfather, the tyrant, who ran his house like it was a boot camp. The story of her mother who had years of abuse from her father and gave birth to a child, her sister, and her daughter. This child was my grandmother. This family has had many years of loss, hurt, and abuse. There is no wonder this spirit, this ghost has stayed in that house for so long. I need to find a way to stop the pain and loss that cloaks my family and this place.

I will go back there and confront this spirit and find the connection we have. Thinking of this house my heart is pounding as fear is building up inside me. Why fear, I think to myself and wonder if it is because I fear that my loss that will snatch me up into the spirit’s misery and despair. If that happens do we become one do I stay in that room to die also? This is a fear I cannot let take a hold of me.

I pull up to the house and lookup. I see the ghost in the window, and it appears to be calling to me. I am compelled to go to that room for a mysterious reason unknown to me. I have had so many losses this year, I think the spirit has seized my anguish and is using it for power over me. It has a hold of me now and I must obey, and go to the room. I am terrified beyond belief, but still, I am compelled to go to the room. I open the front door; the house is dark and quiet. I reach for the light switch and to my surprise, the light does not turn on. I reach into my bag and find a flashlight. I have trouble with it but it eventually works. The flashlight glows in the dark and I follow the light up the stairs or am I following something else?

When I reach the top of the stairs I hear my name, and I continue to that room. The door is open and the spirit is by the window. I can see her tears, and hear her sobs. As I enter the room, she calls to me by name: “Sandy, I also am in pain and feel alone.” I ask her; “why do you tell me this?” The spirit confides in me it was her pain and loneliness that kept her in that room where she died of a broken heart that was beyond repair. She warns me if I continue with this anguish in my heart I will also end up in that room. The room where my ancestor still resides and continues to this day in pain, continual pain, and cannot move on to the afterlife.

I told her I was so sorry for her pain and I would love to help her to move on. I do not know if that is possible or if she is stuck in that room for all eternity. There was something cold in that room and it could have been my fate I was feeling. The cold feeling that comes with emptiness and pain for all eternity. I cannot and will not end up like her; I must fill my heart with happiness and light. It felt like hours, but it was only minutes that I was in that room. I tell my ancestor that I will heed her warning, and try to resolve this pain in my heart. I leave the house and vow never to return, but I know in my soul I will. I arrive home with the determination to keep myself busy and not think of the pain and loss I have felt so recently.

Time goes by and I am trying to get back to my old self, I miss my mother, and it continues to bring me pain and anguish. My life is beginning to have some balance restored. I started thinking about my relative still lost in that room in the house and hope I can somehow find balance for her. I open the curtain and see the sun shining and think what a beautiful day. Seeing the beauty in the day I was starting to think I have cheated fate and would not become my ancestor in that room in that house. The phone and rang, and it was fate coming to call. Fate has a way of kicking you when you start to climb up out of the despair.

Climbing out of despair is what I was doing, but with this phone call I started to spiral down, and with the spiral, I heard the spirit of my ancestor calling to me. I can’t let myself be dragged into the hopelessness that has her existing in that room for many years, never to find peace. I begin to wonder if the loneliness of this ghost is trying hard to have a relative spend eternity in the room with her. Is it true misery loves company and after all these years, maybe the company is what she desires, but I will not let that company be me? I cannot, no I will not be that company for all of eternity. I must find a way for her to move on, and in the process find a way for me to climb out of the despair I continually find myself in these days.

The hours start to turn into days as I am continually consumed with despair and depression. The spirit of my ancestor continues to haunt me in my sleep. I get dressed, determined to get hold of myself and climb back into the world of today. I drive with determination to go anywhere except back to the house where the spirit is calling me. I am driving and all of a sudden I find myself parked in front of that house. I look up and the spirit is waving to me. I say with determination, and a way to keep me from going into that house. I do not want or need to be here, thinking to myself. I try to start the car and it will not start at all. Is this my destiny to spend all eternity in misery, but with the company? I can’t and won’t give in to this deep despair. Surprisingly with all my mind and determination not to be there the car does start and I drive away. I drive away still feeling and hearing her call to me.

Well it has been almost a year now and I have come out of the darkness and I am now in the light. My ancestor still resides in that house, alone in that room. She is still waiting for her lover or anyone who will spend eternity in misery and will want the company. I still drive to the house every once in a while but never go inside for the fear that I have not conquered fate. The house is still on the market, and I hire people to keep it cleaned and keep the yard up. I feel this house will never leave our family because our ancestor has never left. I wonder at times what will come of this house, my ancestor, and my destiny, but continue to battle with the pull my ancestor and that house seems to have on me.

It is many years now and I am in the final days. I begin to question if I should die in that house. I know my days are numbered, but I still do not want to spend eternity in misery with my ancestor. I want the curse of despair that has plagued my family to end with me. I leave this as my last thoughts. Fate is not always the winner, and you can change your destiny. I feel the coldness of death approaching, and I see my mother and grandmother in the distance. I feel sorry for my ancestor but know I have triumphed over her as she tried to bring me to eternal misery. I feel love and joy as I close my eyes for the last time.