Fate of the Indisposed

“I just can’t.” Jerry Thallow, a five-year police officer in Elyria, Ohio, told his comrade. “It’s not what I signed up for.”

“It’s exactly what you signed up for, and you know it!” Margaret Rune retorted back. “This is part of being in the police department!” Silence awaited them as they glared at each other. “And you can’t drop out now.” She told him, almost eerily, as he was about to speak. It worked, though, and he sealed his mouth shut, the truth holding back his snarky comments. 

Jerry had once before been able to slide by, not being called out on this type of work. But not anymore. Half a decade had gone by, and he knew it was well past his time. He was curious as to how Marge knew he would be let go if he didn’t complete this one. He himself had just received the letter three days ago, and he’d kept it in his bedroom ever since, reading over it before he slept which left him pondering it throughout the night. 

“What specifically are you afraid of?” She asked, the sympathy emerging in her voice. 

So many things was the best answer to him, but he ended up blurting out, “The resentment I’ll get from everyone! I know what happened when you killed Carlos! You got shunned by almost everyone you knew! I don’t want the same to happen to me!” His fear burned inside of him until he couldn’t stand it anymore and headed towards the door. 

“Ask around.” Marge told him softly. 

“For what?” Jerry snapped. 

His back was still turned towards her, but Jerry could sense her pained expression when she told him, “Ask the others. They've all been through it, they know what it’s like. This is not something only affecting you. It’s your turn to play the hero, conceived as a villain, in this contorted world.”

*****

Over and over Jerry read the document, searching for some kind of way out- a loophole of sorts. The paper described the details of what was to be executed in this latest case. He had two hours- well, one and a half now- to get to the house and perform what he’d been dreading since the start of his career. If he failed, another cop would be sent to do what he didn’t finish, and his job as a policeman would be over. 

I can’t let that happen. I love it here. Each mission I complete feels like helping the world. Plus, the income lets me keep my house. But is it worth it to mur- Jerry didn’t let the thought finish as he yelled out, “Yes!” To himself, making his dog jerk up in alert. 

He kept his finger on the line, not wanting to lose the precious piece he needed, while he bent over and rubbed his golden lab’s head, soothing her. After a few moments, she laid back down in the bed, and rolled over, trying for a belly rub. 

“Not right now.” Jerry told her as he re-read the line to make sure he understood it right. It stated: If one individual has personal beliefs and or customs that do not allow this task to be performed, the individual must alert the present authority of this revelation so the individual can be assigned elsewhere. 

Jerry might have hopped up and danced if he wasn’t so nervous of what a coward it would make him look like. 

They’ll all hate me. He realized. Isn’t that exactly what I was trying to avoid? They’d know it was just because I didn’t want to do it. But, he told himself. It’s not only about what other people think. Murder just doesn’t set right with me. 

*****

“So what you’re telling me,” The voice over the phone said. “Is that you can’t kill Carol Timond, the woman who’s drowned twelve people, because your doctor said it’s causing too much stress?” The tone of disbelief was obvious in her voice, so Jerry had to really convince her to let him off the hook. 

“See, ma’am, this is something I’m not capable of doing, based on the amount of anxiety this is forcing on me. I have never had a problem with any of my other assignments, and I’m hoping you’ll be willing to pardon me from doing this one for the reason’s told. I have my doctor on the other line if you would like to speak with him.” After Jerry had finished, he high-fived himself in his head, thinking about the philosophy his college debate professor had told him: Keep it simple, respectful, and back it up with evidence. 

For a moment when no sound came, Jerry worried that he might have accidentally hung up. To his relief though, his boss cleared her throat and said, “That won’t be necessary. I understand your reasoning, and I will assign this job to another officer. But don’t think you won’t receive another assignment like this. I am excusing this one incident because it is so close to the deadline, and you’re obviously not ready for it. You will be expected to write down your motivations for not completing the job, so it can be turned into the records. Do you understand?”   

“Yes, I do.” Jerry said, hoping the amount of gratefulness and joy he felt slipped into his words. Before he hung up, he realized there was something he needed to know.

“Miss. Berkley?” He waited for acknowledgement before continuing. “Is it possible to know who will be taking my place? I would like to explain to them personally what happened and apologize for such a short notice.”

A deep sigh rang out before Jerry heard what sounded like the rustling of papers.

“Fine,” She told him. “The next on the list is… hold on let me find it… oh, it’s Margaret Rune.”

“Thank you,” Was the only response he could think of before he hung up the phone, realizing how hard his decision would be to justify to her.

*****

 “What!?” Marge said after he explained the situation to her as fast as he could, hoping to get it over with. “What!?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that-”

“No,” she broke in. “Nothing you say can make this situation any better. This was your assignment Jerry. It was your time to face murder, to end a life. Not for me to do it again!”

“I never meant for it to go to you.” Jerry said, trying to assuage the situation.

It backfired. 

“Really? Well it was meant to go to somebody other than you, and you knew that! You knew you were going to drop all of the responsibilities on somebody else. So it doesn’t matter if it was me or not! The only thing that matters is that it wasn’t you!” She yelled the last sentence, loud enough for all eyes in the office to turn on them. 

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t-” 

“Couldn’t what? Do something that everyone else in here has faced and succeeded in completing? Couldn’t stand the guilt or animosity that came with it? Now, tonight, I have to go and do what you couldn’t. Couldn’t isn’t the right word though. If you couldn’t, you would not be standing here right now. The right word is wouldn’t. You were absolutely capable of doing this, but you weren't brave enough to do it.” Margaret ended her tirade with a long stare that seemed to last forever. 

All eyes averted as Jerry looked around for help, so he just said the only thing that made sense to say before he left, “I’m sorry.”

*****

The silence pressed on him like a heavy blanket. He could hear the slow ticking of his clock mounted on the wall as it made him worry more and more. 

Did I make the right decision? 

Jerry knew that killing people was part of his job description, but he never really faced the true realization of it until a few days ago. It seemed too much then, so he let someone else do it for him. And that someone happened to be his closest friend in the police force. 

Jerry looked at the clock: 10:27. He knew that the murder either already happened, or was in the process. 

Bye, Carol. He thought. 

Being a policeman had taught him to not be afraid of much. That part of training had failed him.

Maybe Marge was right. He admitted to himself. I should have just done it. 

Wallowing in regret, Jerry failed to hear the soft whimper of his dog, or the quiet patter of footsteps. Jerry sat up just in time to see a figure, obscured by the shadows of his room, in the doorway with an object in their right hand. 

Paralized in shock, the last things Jerry heard were the words, “Time for you to experience what you’ve been missing out on.”, and the deafening sound of a gun being fired. 

“You would’ve weighed us down.” The figure told the darkness.