Don’t Let Go

“Please, Rachel, please! Let’s just go home.” Oli begged relentlessly while Rachel was weeping in front of him. “I’m so sorry, I can’t.” She cried. He knew deep down what was about to happen, even though it was so difficult for him to comprehend. “I know if we just go home, we can fix this. We can be happy together. Forever! As long as we’re together. I don’t need anything else, can’t you see that?” And she did. She understood him better than anyone ever did, and he her, but she also knew that ending things was the only way to stop the pain. That unbearable, long-lasting pain that had consumed both of their lives for too long.

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Please just listen to me!” Oli tried to draw her attention to him as she was looking at the woman by the door. Her expression was a mixture of anger, fear, and despair. But it wasn’t Oli she was angry at, or that woman by the door. No, her anger was directed at herself. At her own perceived incompetence in handling the situation by making a decision. Knowing in the back of her head that maybe, had she done things differently, there wouldn’t have been a decision to be made at all. After all, she was always the one in charge, making every decision that got them to this point. Maybe, had she done something differently… She averted her eyes and then closed them altogether. “It’s not my fault,” she tried to convince herself. “It’s just the way it was always going to end.”

Oli had nothing left to do but stare at her, hoping she would eventually come to her senses and appease his request. He tried to kiss her, but it only made her cry even more, and he didn’t want that for her. So he tried to make her laugh, which resulted in a similar response. He reached for her hand "Just don't let go, okay? I promise if we can just go back, it'll all be okay." He couldn’t understand why all of his efforts were being denied like that. They’d all worked perfectly in the past. “I just want us to be happy again, Rachel. Don’t you want that too?”

He felt as if time was standing still. Which made him reminisce about the first time they met. It was truly love at first sight. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, and even so, it took him a while to open up. He had gone through too much in his life to be tempted by a woman to trust again. But he loved her from the start, and he knew that. And as strong as his resistance was, he eventually let it go. He could see that she really cared for him. Went out of her way to make sure he was happy. Her pupils dilating each time their eyes met.

And he also knew he wasn’t always so good to her. There were plenty of times where he didn’t listen, or couldn't bring himself to help out when he knew she was in need, or showed his aggression when it wasn’t her he was angry about at all. He always struggled with his emotions. A character flaw that had repeatedly created tension in their relationship. He would always apologize, but maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe this time he had made one mistake too many and brought her to her breaking point.

As he gazed into her eyes, Rachel was also thinking back at their life together. Many people didn’t understand their relationship. They encouraged her to give up on him, saying that he would never change. But he did. She made him change, even if others weren’t around to see it. Even if he couldn’t see it himself. She did. In fact, things were so good between them that she couldn’t even remember the hard times anymore. The times she almost did give up. She was so proud of herself for pushing forward. For not listening to everyone who didn’t believe in him. Who didn’t believe in her.

She remembered the first time she knew things were going to be okay. He was terrifying that day. Just lost all control. But she held him closely, looked deeply into his eyes, and urged him to just listen to her. Encouraged him that it would all be okay if he did. It took a few moments, but he calmed down. He made a complete scene, right there, in the middle of the street, with so many people staring at them. Debating whether they should intervene. Oh, what they must be thinking of him she brooded as she was trying to dismiss her own embarrassment. But he was unfazed by anyone, and just surrendered himself to her. She trusted him, and he was intent on never breaking that trust again.

All of a sudden, he felt safe. A feeling he had just learned was missing from his life thus far. Unexpectedly, he was taken over by the realization that as long as she was there, nothing bad would ever happen to him and he could just relax and let go of his anger. From that day forward, their relationship changed. They were no longer living their lives as separate souls struggling to navigate this complicated world, but as a joint force, fueled by love that was flowing back and forth between them. Reviving each one of them at a time so they could replenish the other in turn.

“Please don’t give up on me, Rachel. My darling Rachel. Love of my life.” Oli’s hope was visibly dwindling. “It’s time, Rachel,” said the woman by the door in a tender voice. “I’m so sorry, but it’s not going to get easier if we wait any longer.”

“I can’t!” Rachel sobbed. “You’re sure there’s nothing else we can do? You’re absolutely positive?!”

“We’ve had him here for a week now. The surgery went well, but he is not recovering I’m afraid. He’s too old. We can prolong his life, but he’ll always be in pain. You don’t want that for him, do you?” “N...No,” Rachel tried to pick herself up and put on a brave face, “No I don’t.”

The woman by the door came forward, holding the syringe up as she approached the surgical bed.

“I love you, Oli-Woli. My little Oli-bear. You are the bestest boy in the whole world, and I’ll never ever forget you.” Rachel said softly as she embraced him. A nervous Oli slowly started to calm down. He remembered that as long as she was there, nothing bad would ever happen to him.