Screens

Her neck arteries hammered in her throat as panic rose. She was sure she had been followed. But by whom? She was an average Jane—plump, with brown hair and eyes. Maybe she had lost it for good. Probably, it was all in her head. 

As soon as the garage door closed, her pulse began to rebalance. Phew! “I’ll watch Succession,” she mumbled. Brian Cox’s acting was so mesmerizing that she couldn’t think or do anything else. Her body barely changed positions in the comfort of her recliner.

Like every Wednesday morning, the bell rang, and the cardboard boxes with her groceries were piled up at her front door. She avoided leaving her house at all costs. Even after so many years, the paranoia of being recognized hadn’t eased.

Over the years, therapy had helped her significantly tone down the hatred she once harbored towards her mother. When COVID hit, her sessions moved online, and she quickly adapted to not returning to Dr. Lawson’s office. The pandemic reinforced her belief that she could do almost everything from the security of her home.

Still, she kept her Planet Fitness membership to challenge her fear of strangers and keep herself grounded in reality. Two or three times a week, she’d make the trip. But before leaving, she always checked the gym’s live check-in system to ensure it wasn’t too crowded. She hated waiting for the treadmill or other equipment—and the fewer people, the better.

“Hi.” The “Gym Guy” always greeted her, but, on that day, he went beyond the usual salutation, “It’s lovely weather, isn’t it?”

Beaming, she nodded. “For sure!” Like her, he wasn’t as ripped as most people there. She had never dated anyone seriously—only a few summer flings while on vacation—because she didn’t want to share too much of her life with people. But being admired was pleasing, after all.

On her way out, she window-shopped for one of the puppies at the pet shop beside Planet Fitness. “Awww.” Her voice was tinged with affection as the cuties stared at her through the thick glass. She grabbed a smoothie and walked back home, daydreaming about the day she would have a normal life, complete with a dog and a boyfriend.

As the days went on, she faced the ups and downs of being noticed or followed whenever she stepped outside her inner sanctum. One evening, she took an Uber because it had gotten dark faster than she expected. Spotting a silhouette across from her driveway as she placed her right foot on the pavement caused her brows to furrow in concern. Flustered, she tumbled out of the car and wobbled to the door, slamming it shut.

The following day, during her therapy, she carried teary eyes. Dr. Lawson consoled her, stating that setbacks were common because addressing difficult emotions caused distress. She detested having to confront unrealistic expectations about the pace of her progress. Dr. Lawson asked her to stop kicking herself. Lifting her right foot, she patted her left calf and giggled.

“See, how can we swift a moment of distress into something lighter?” She nodded as the doctor added, “Whenever you feel anxious take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. Acknowledge the emotion without judgment, then try to reframe it. Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience or how it might help you grow. Consider shifting your focus to something that brings you joy or peace, whether it’s a favorite memory, a comforting place, or a small activity you enjoy. Remember, it’s okay to feel what you feel, but you can also choose how to respond to it.”

“Love that.” She flashed a smile radiating peace.

From that session on, she launched herself into her translation gigs. Whenever she had some free time, she’d watch Succession. She enjoyed the new character Lukas Matsson, played by Alexander Skarsgård. He was as talented as he was handsome; no one could deny it. 

One morning, while watering some plants, she noticed footprints. Were they human? She couldn’t tell. Her neighborhood had some wildlife activity; therefore, various species could have left those marks in the soil.

A chill ran up her spine. Maybe a man in a balaclava, all in black, had spied on her last night. She shook the thoughts from her head, shimmying her upper body. That was a cliché scene from a cheap thriller. Back inside, she opened the entry closet, and a black trench coat fell at her feet. Blinking, she adjusted her perception of not being a real person. “It’s only a coat; it’s only a coat,” she repeated to herself in a hushed tone. 

Some days slipped by, and she led her routine with care and awareness. A few determined bangs on the door made her spring from the recliner. The red and blue lights revealed a police car parked in front of the house. With an unsteady finger, she muttered through the intercom: “Yes?”

“Ms. Davis?”

“Yes,” she faltered.

“I need you to come with me to the station to answer a few questions regarding Mr. Brown.”

She winced. “Who?”

“Daniel Brown.”

On the way to the station, she pictured a myriad of scenarios. She was oblivious to why she was linked to that Daniel Brown fella.

Her heart raced like galloping horses when the officer questioned the nature of her relationship with Mr. Brown since he had so many photos of her on his phone and laptop. All the pictures portrayed her from childhood to her early teens. 

Anger and terror stirred in the pit of her stomach. A wave of heat overcame her cheeks, leaving them pinkish. How hard could it be to erase herself from the internet? Her mother’s stupid YouTube channel about “sharenting” still echoed in her life. She had loathed the attention from strangers when she was younger, people commenting on episodes of her life that she hadn’t authorized her mother to share. The Truman Show was a compelling watch, but it was no way to live! 

She couldn’t be sure if she had been followed or if that man was responsible for her uneasiness. A discreet smile formed on her lips when she heard that Daniel Brown had passed away after being hit by a car. He couldn’t turn into a potential stalker any longer. She raised a victory fist in her head.

On the way home, she made two new decisions that marked a turning point in her life: to get a Pomeranian puppy, yes, she would walk it daily, and to go on a date with “Gym Guy,” someone she had been curious about. It was time to stop living through screens and start embracing more real-life experiences.