Freedom

               That looks nice. Imagine. Being able to have my own job, with my own house with a garage, two cars, one for me and one for my wife. I don’t care how pretty she is, just that she loves me and is loyal and patient. Have my own lawn I’d mow once a week and we’d both know we want have children. And we both know we’ll have a boy and a girl. Wouldn’t that be nice?  We’d make payments together and earn about the same amount of money. We met in college each pursuing our graduate and/or doctoral degrees. We’re smart and are proud of it. We hug each other and know how to give each other space when we need it. We ask each other if we want hugs and we do. But, we accept if the other needs space. We’re never lonely because we have each other. I got her the diamond ring which she wears with pride. She enjoys walking around the house in the nude and so do I and we attend AANR events. We have so much in common. We both enjoy dogs, performing and watching improv, and everything. Wouldn’t that be nice? 

               So, I decide to appeal. I have the right to appeal and am appealing. I speak to an attorney with expertise in this area. I explain Legal Guardianship is a form of sharecropping. I’m not allowed to work because if I work they’ll take away my medicare, food assistance (EBT), housing benefits, and I’d have to move in with someone like my parents, which none of us want. But, if I could get a degree. I can’t do that though since my parents were able to eliminate my college debt since they didn’t want to pay it and I am on permanent disability. It’s not fair. “The mind is a terrible thing to waste”. I could go to school and get a degree in art, science, journalism, wood, or millions of things, and I could have my happily ever after. No more walking up walking around with idiots who say the same phrase over and over and over again. Things like, “Ok, Alright, It is what it is. Ce la ve” over and over at full volume.  I could own a home in the middle of nowhere and have quiet and a dog.  Wife, kids, dogs, cats, cars, after school programs. I’ve done my research and found out about the EEOC, the ADA, the FHA, the UDHR, and read many court cases. I feel I’d be better off out of here. My neighbor breaks my coffee mug, the man across from me is a kleptomaniac, and outside there’s a woman stalking me. Anything would be better than this, so I appeal. 

*

I have a routine I do everyday: I void, take my bp, open up a crossword app, put on earphones with wifi and open up Pandora, work out for half-an-hour, study MPI  cards, write knowledge on the PC, play the peg game, get points in crossword puzzles, and track my food. I work out for half-an-hour and drink protein in almond milk. I meditate four times, do Doulingo, and shower. I get meds in there too. I learn Spanish and head off to breakfast while working on Color by Number. I order food and eat while working on coloring. Go home, wash up, get headphones, cellphone, sunglasses, bookbag, etc. and go to the main building where I hear people talk about the schedule on the board. I sometimes arrive late so I don’t have to hear the questions over and over. Then, I work out, go home and play the guitar, go to computer lab, burn gourds, and go to lunch. I then read and volunteer. Then, when I get back home my neighbor talks constantly until he sleeps.   There are a few times he’s gotten violent and a few times my medicine has been screwed up, but welcome to this place. 

               See, I’m appealing. I’m moving to Badaxe, Michigan where my real girlfriend is. I can imagine putting my face on my breasts and feeling it like bread dough. Soft, warm, gentle with a hard middle. I can imagine us cuddling through the night and starting a family. So, I’m appealing. The appeal goes on for a few weeks and I win. I don’t have to live here anymore.

               I pack up my stuff and move to Badaxe. My girlfriend’s happy to see me but we don’t have a lot of space to put my stuff. We argue about this and I apply to work at Walmart emptying trucks and after a few weeks, I get the job. I see all these things we can use at Walmart and all these delicious things I can choose from to eat. I could cook steak tartare if I wanted. I have 24/7 internet access and she doesn’t care if I look at porn. 

*

               Then, though, the day comes. The envelope appears in our mailbox and she opens it. We go over the items and our agreed budget and I went over. I’ll have to return half of these items, which I wouldn’t have had to at the last place. She reminds me I’ll have to pay half the rent too and budget for that. Everything has to be returned so I return it. She says we have to discuss how much we have before we shop and what we need versus what we can skip. We argue about this for half-an-hour. She doesn’t want to pay high interest on credit cards either. So, we wind up living simply and arguing a lot. There are three things couples tend to fight about: 1) Money, 2) In-laws, and 3) Sex. I haven’t met the in-laws but we’re already fighting about money, sex, and religion and I look back at the place I was living and realize it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I never had to worry about being evicted, rent, food costs, health care, car insurance, and I miss it and wished I’d stayed there. My girlfriend and I fight all the time and most nights I spend on the couch. But, this was supposed to be the American dream. Marriage, kids, cars. I never thought of fiscal responsibility. I sometimes write to the place I live and thank them for their hard work. Me and my girlfriend aren’t having sex because we can’t afford kids yet. If one of us gets promoted and we get a big house, maybe, unless she’s too old to have kids at that point. I should’ve stayed in the last place.   Live and learn.