Something is burning

Something is burning

By C. Pitt

ACT I

Scene 1

Setting:

We are in the bathroom of the Green Mansion next to the kitchen (first floor). A fire alarm is going off. In the background, the music is mixing with the siren sound. The two friends are paranoid that they started the fire and are considering their next steps. 

At rise:

The two friends are sitting on the bathroom floor. They are sharing a joint. Next to them are leftover fries, plastic cups, cigarettes and some toilet paper.

Friend 1:

(stoned, slow-paced)

“Dude, we can’t hide in here forever.”

Friend 2:

“Bro, trust me. We can’t tell them that we triggered the alarm.”

Friend 1:

“I’m sorry man, just wanted to grab some m&ms from the kitchen. Then I lit up a blunt and the lighter fell. I think?”

(sound of knocking on door)

Friend 2:

(paranoid)

“Shit! Is that the cops?”

(knocking persists; someone is shouting at the door)

Person:

(off)

“Is someone in there? Hello?”

Friend 1:

(also paranoid)

“Dude it’s the cops?! I can’t go to jail!

Friend 2:

(stoned)

“I hang out with a cop before. He was cool”

Friend 1:

(laughs foolishly)

Friend 2:

(face of realization)

“Bro, look!”

(he shows his friend the window and they look through it, a peak of the garden becoming visible.)

Friend 2:

“You jump, I jump?”

 (Friend 1 nods. The two friends jump out the window and fall onto some bushes in the garden. They look around for the joint. They find it, high-five each other and continue smoking it).

(Blackout)

(Change of scene)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

ACT I

Scene 2

Setting:

We are in the living room. One of the guests, Tim, realizes that the fire alarm is activated. The living room consists of four couches, four TVs, one large stereo, a bar, a gambling table and three vending machines. The setting is an appealing mess. 

At rise:

Tim Stevenson appears through the door, shouting and warning everyone that there is a fire. Across the living room, the rest of the guests are drinking gambling, dancing, eating. The DJ is playing in one corner. Tim approaches the guests one by one, worried of the situation.

Tim:

(shouting)

“Something is burning! Something is burning!”

(Sound of the fire alarm intensifies but everyone ignores it. Meanwhile, the Narrator appears and sits on the side of the stage.)

Narrator:

(laughing sarcastically)

“Good luck finding your way in this castle.”

Tim:

(to himself)

 “I’m calling the firemen”.

Narrator:

(nonchalant, filing her nails)

 “Leave it, anything other than this terrible techno music.”

(Mary, the party host, enters the stage. She is slightly drunk. Tim appears distressed but relieved to see her. He touches her arms reassuringly and tells her the news.)

Tim:

 “I called them, don’t worry!”

Mary:

(drunkenly)

“Amazing! (pause) Called who?”

Tim:

“The firemen of course!”

Mary:

“Oh no worries, I called them way before the party!”

Tim:

(confused)

“What?”

Mary:

“I said I called the firemen a week ago”

Tim:

“Mary, the kitchen is on fire!”

Mary:

“I know this song is fire!”

Tim:

(getting exasperated)

“No, there is heat and smoke in there, can’t you see?”

Mary:

“Oh, are you warm? I could turn down the radiator!”

Tim:

(slow-paced speech)

“THERE IS A FIRE, THE KITCHEN IS BURNING.”

Mary:

“No, nobody is performing but I have a DJ! Don’t be ungrateful!”

(Tim grabs her drink and sets it on the table. The gamblers start shouting at Tim for placing the drink on their game.)

Tim:

“Oh god…I called the firemen, goddamnit it! Just stay in here and don’t approach the kitchen door!”

Mary:

“Like I told you, I called the firemen a week ago! Jeez, what kind of host do you think I am?”

(Tim appears confused. He turns to look at the kitchen door opposite the living room. Smoke is coming out of it, while the music and alarm are still audible in the background. Meanwhile, the Narrator is watching the scene unfold and laughing slyly.)

(Three broad-shouldered men enter the living room.)

Fireman 1:

“We received a complaint about a fire”

Tim:

“Aah yes finally! It’s just in the kitchen Sir.”

Mary:

(jumping from excitement)

“No, no it’s right here guys!”

Tim:

(extremely confused)

“What the hell?”

Mary:

“Oh Tim, don’t be a prude!”

The DJ changes the music. “You can leave your hat on” starts playing.)

The fireman rips his pants from the front, revealing a neon-blue, stripper thong. Excited screams ensue. He starts dancing sexually.)

Fireman 1:

“Let’s get it on boys!”

Tim:

“Oh.my.god”

(The Narrator gets excited, while Mary and Tia give money to the strippers. Tim puts his palm in his face, defeated.)

(Blackout)

(Change of scene)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

ACT I

Scene 3

Setting:  

Kitchen of the Green Mansion.

At rise:

Mary’s parents appear in the huge, smoking kitchen. The fire alarm is ringing. The parents are cooking and dancing to the music heard from the living room.

Mom:

(flipping pancakes, dancing tipsily)

“Do you think the kids are having fun?”

Dad:

(dancing)

“Oh I’m sure they are honey!”

Mom:

“I got to say, I really like this music, John. The siren gives a whole new meaning to the beat!”

Dad:

“Right? We’re back in the 80s baby!”

(awkward dad moves follow)

Mom:

(takes a look around, still tipsy)

“And the smoke…Mary never mentioned anything about background effects! I like them!”

Dad:

“Yeah, should have put some out on the dancefloor! I guess she decided to put them in the kitchen!”

Mom:

‘Oh, don’t worry honey; this is our dancefloor!”

(continues dancing and cooking on the pan, clumsily)

Dad:

“I wonder why nobody has come in here still, I bet they’re hungry”

Mom:

“Oh you know kids these days, all they want to do is drink!”

Dad:

“Come on honey, we’ve all been there”

Mom:

(looking at the pancakes)

“Honey, do you think I burnt them? You know I never come in here, Paul (the chef) usually prepares the food”

Dad:

“Not at all dear, you know I like them overcooked”

Mom:

(gives her husband a kiss)

“So, do you want the first pancake?”

[Blackout]

[End of scene]