She's Everything

The Cheeto-dust dipped ends of the chopsticks dip back into the plastic bag before getting shoved aside suddenly. The bag crinkles under the force, almost knocked from its place on her desk. Her fingers scramble to click into the site. It had the horrible tendency to crash at the first influx of people trying to get in and she could not lose another chance. 

Everything is already pre-loaded. Credit card: good. Account: logged into. General info: already set up. 

It only takes seconds. 

“Ha!”

The phone next to her dings, just on time to her triumph. She plucks it from its stand next to the calendar riddled in rumored activities, confirmed schedules, and quiet meetups across her fan network. She wasn’t called Queen Haemi without reason. As a head conductor for RUBIE’s fans, Jewelz, she had a lot going on as Haemi. 

Her eyes count the perfectly aligned RUBIE albums on her white shelves, nearly all of them being signed. Not to mention the neatly catalogued signed merch she collected from fan meetings, prize drawings, and even her collection of rare photocards she’d traded or bid for. She’s seen some of the massive shrines that other crazed Jewelz had in their rooms. Haemi at least had standards and her sanity intact. 

Being organized is what allowed her to keep her title.   

However, without the Twitter profile depicting her favorite member Taeyoung posing in red lipstick and crimson sunglasses to match, Haemi was your standard part-time makeup salesclerk. Hard work, but worthwhile. After all, empires weren’t built from behind the makeup counter. 

To her Jewelz network, she was Haemi (@tae_ara). 

@chaerrri_love: tell me that you got fan meeting tickets

@tae_ara: I FOUGHT HARD AND I GOT IN

@silvermi: good!! I need to see my girls!!

@chaerri_love: silver, you saw them at Music Bank two days ago

@silvermi: and? I want to see every stage of theirs because they kill it every single time

@silvermi: Haemi are you going to the cup sleeve event? I heard that the café that’s holding it is Taeyoung’s favorite

@tae_ara: I heard about it from jewellee last week so of course I have to go. Taeyoung always talks about that café on her livestreams, so I’m not surprised that they’re doing a whole event for her

@tae_ara: I have to go choose my outfit for the event but chaerri keep me posted if you hear anything else about rumors for their upcoming comeback

@chaerri_love: all I know is what I put in the Google Doc, but check with rainrubie, I heard that he found out something new…

Rainrubie had led her on a wild goose chase last time when he told her a different location because he wanted to see RUBIE all for himself and get the views on his video leaking some of their unreleased MV content. So, he wasn’t particularly trustworthy. 

Haemi frowns at the screen, wondering why Chaerri still believed in that phony account. 

“Yunhwa!” the voice follows the opening creak of her door. 

Her real name snaps her back. 

She isn’t Haemi, the queen of a fandom empire, but back to being Jung Yunhwa, part-time salesclerk. 

Her roommate stands in the doorway, balancing a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. The two stumbled across each other on the search for sharing an apartment because they both weren’t making enough to live alone. And to Yunhwa’s luck, the architecture major was the perfect roommate. Oblivious (or indifferent) to Yunhwa’s lifestyle orbiting RUBIE while helping to offset the cost of rent. 

“I’m going grocery shopping, did you want anything?” her roommate asks. 

Yunhwa shakes her head. “I don’t think so. By the way, I’m going to a café with some friends so I’ll probably be out for a bit.” 

Once her roommate is gone, it’s an instant step towards the closet. She already knows Haemi would show up to the café accented in a red shade to compliment her recently dyed dark red hair. After all, Taeyoung’s favorite color is every shade of red.

She’d been the one to pioneer this small fact and thanks to Haemi, every Taeyoung stan was just as attuned as she was to red. 

Her fingers skim through a closet of clothes handpicked to snag Taeyoung’s attention at fan meetings. Anything else is either a brand modeled by Taeyoung or clothes that Taeyoung has worn outside of idol content.  

Haemi decides on gray-black plaid slacks, white low-top sneakers, and a crimson short puffy sleeved crop top that falls off her shoulders. Complete with a black beret and matching choker with a jewel dangling from the center. Set with a small black tote bag with a lemon charm (Taeyoung’s favorite fruit), Yunhwa leaves the apartment with a wave to her roommate who barely notices as she steps into her new self.

Her calendar was slowly filling up for the month. With a comeback on the horizon, Haemi is invigorated. Yunhwa would be stressed out of her mind, but as Haemi, she had every connection to tap into and a (relatively) clear map of RUBIE’s schedules to keep her focused and organized. 

Comebacks aren’t a time of anxiety. In fact, it’s her favorite parts of the year. 

The group was rumored to be filming with Studio CHOOM, plus Haemi would need to plan to attend the comeback stage at Inkigayo, Music Bank, M COUNTDOWN…

Not to mention, Chaerri’s theory of RUBIE traveling to Jeju or Busan to film fun content and stay at an accommodation in the area. Haemi already planned to meet up with Chaerri at a hotel to hopefully stumble across the group during or outside of filming.

She scrolls through her phone and glances out of the train window for a brief second before turning her attention back to the screen. Extracting info from the various texts and DMs, Haemi adds to her growing Notes app list of RUBIE’s schedules. Then, a DM catches her eye. 

@loveleeghost going to the Taeyoung’s cup sleeve event? 

Haemi bristles at the sight of the username.

@loveleeghost if you’re going…do you want to meet there?

It was a mistake to date a Jewelz as passionate as her. Then again, male Jewelz were another breed altogether. Not every single one though, she’d found a few who weren’t like her ex-boyfriend. Ghost had been the last boy and Jewelz that she dated. 

She broke up with him after going to his apartment to see everything covered in RUBIE. The clutter of RUBIE pillows, RUBIE figurines, RUBIE soaps, RUBIE coasters from all their café events, RUBIE posters that practically became wallpaper at that point—

Haemie shakes her head before pressing the block button. She loves her girls, but she stood by her standards. Taeyoung wouldn’t befriend her if she was as obsessive as Ghost. 

Imagine if Taeyoung ever came over to her apartment and saw everything plastered in her face! At least, Haemi kept all of her Taeyoung photocards, signed merch, and photo spreads in the hidden safety of a binder. 

The train comes to a stop and Haemi stands, exiting out through the doors into the station. She heads up the stairs, following the map she’d drawn out in her head of where the café should be.

Befriending Taeyoung is always the goal. After all, how else is she supposed to get her idol to fall in love with her? 

For Haemi, it was love at second sight, or second album for that matter. 

She’d fallen in love with the members one after another, but it was Taeyoung’s spark and witty personality that she fell the hardest for. Not to mention, Taeyoung’s vocals killing it in every single RUBIE song and solo cover uploaded to YouTube. 

“Seeing you work so hard on being a good vocalist inspired me to pursue musical theatre,” Haemi had said to Taeyoung at her first fan meeting with the group. “I’ve never loved music more and I think it’s because of you. I’ll be supporting you, even when I’m an old woman.”

Taeyoung’s effortless visuals nearly destroyed Haemi on the spot. The strawberry waves beneath a soft eggshell beret, alongside a long sleeve, off-the-shoulder holly berry colored crop top. A few silver jewels glitter over her cheeks like constellations.

“You’re the sweetest! Thank you, but really it’s all of RUBIE who make our music—well, amazing,” Taeyoung nodded eagerly.

And Haemi actually saw her blush at the compliment! She tries her luck, “I didn’t know someone made of honey could call someone else ‘sweeter.’” 

Haemi swears till this day that the air around Tayeoung glittered with her idol’s laughter. 

“Are you trying to melt my face?” Taeyoung joked back, lightly patting her hands to her cheeks. “Embarrassment aside, what’s your name?”

“Haemi.”

Her idol’s smile raises a smile to her own lips. “That’s a beautiful name.” 

“Are you flirting with me?” she remembered holding out her hands, palms facing towards Taeyoung. 

Setting down her pen, her idol clasped Haemi’s hands with hers. Their fingers couldn’t have interlocked more perfectly with one another. Chaerri thought Haemi was exaggerating when she called her that night, but she swore it was like a puzzle piece finding its adjoining partner.

Taeyoung always remembered her from that point on, and Yunhwa fused into Haemi.

Yunhwa went to work at the makeup store to fill their bank account, deal with obnoxious coworkers, and pay for rent while also funding Haemi’s interests.

Interests like buying every version of RUBIE’s albums, attending fan signs and fan meetings, concerts, Taeyoung-themed cup sleeve events like this one, and paying for transportation to areas that the idol was known to wander. 

An undeniable chemistry followed the two of them; Haemi could feel it in their conversations. 

Haemi is reminiscing on the tingling warmth from Taeyoung’s hands in her own as she enters the café. 

Red swathes of fabric twirl up the café walls with white and red balloons arcing in welcome to a growing group of Jewelz. A majority, if not all, wore red in some shape or form. 

She orders a specialty “Milk Tae” at the counter before wandering the café. Taeyoung’s photos fill the walls. If this was a quiz show to name the album that each was from, Haemi would’ve won it. 

The Milk Tae is sweet on her tongue as she paces the museum gallery of Taeyoung. In the middle of appreciating one of RUBIE’s summer photoshoots, a collective cheer causes her to turn aggressively to face the front. 

The sight leads her to grumble. It’s just one of the managers.

Wait. She perks up, listening to the manager explain that Taeyoung would be here shortly. 

Her eyes follow the manager as they speak with who Haemi assumes is one of the café managers. The two walk to the side, appearing to be in a deep conversation. 

This would be the perfect opportunity to talk to her idol, undisturbed by anyone. The idea creeps its way into Haemi’s limbs until the idea is tugging her towards the café’s entrance. Now outside, she quickly finds their van. It’s easy to identify. After all, she’d been with the girls long enough to know what the vans look like. 

She notes the lack of security and…no one was in the driver’s seat. Was Taeyoung even in there? 

Heart beating wildly, she approaches the van and before a second thought can stop her, her fingers are prying the door open.

“Aish!” A flustered Taeyoung half-fumbles with a tube of eyeliner. Her eyes are wide. “I’m sorry…I’m going to need you to close the door.” 

Her idol is reaching for the handle, but Haemi’s hand finds hers first. “No, wait! It’s Haemi. One of your top Jewelz. I just…I need to say something to you.” 

“I’d love to hear it, but after I’m done getting ready. I’ll be in the café in just a few—” 

“Come on, Taeyoung-ah,” Haemi says casually, trying to ignore Taeyoung’s flinch at the drop of honorifics. “You know me! It’s not like I could ever hurt my favorite idol.” 

Haemi climbs inside, sitting in the chair opposite to her idol. The car smells light with perfume, which Haemi makes a mental note to ask about later. 

“I know this might seem sudden, but we see each other so often, it feels like this is a normal thing for us,” Haemi says, fiddling with her fingers. When would I ever get a chance like this again? Just do it, you are Haemi!

“I’ve told you before how much I appreciate everything you do and the music you create. I started working really hard to perfect my vocals so that maybe one day, I can audition for your company and get a spot there. To work alongside you—” Haemi laughs sheepishly. “It would be a dream, to be honest. After talking with you so much, I thought that maybe we would be the kind of friends that go thrift shopping together or have cute lunch outings!

“And I guess that’s when I realized…I didn’t want to be stuck at friends. You’re always so outgoing and I love someone like that! I can’t just be stuck at home all the time and going to your concerts, supporting you…I want to do that right beside you, not from the crowd. You’ve talked about your struggles in the industry and how it’s not always easy being everybody’s sunshine. You don’t have to be that for me, okay? I love you for your shine and when you feel like you can’t.

“I know you’re busy with comeback schedules, but I wanted to ask you if when you’re free, you would want to go on a date? It can be super secretive too. I’m really good at keeping secrets, I swear. We can go to your favorite bar, LemonDrop, or maybe the sushi bar near your dorms? You’re probably more rich than me, but I will gladly pay for it. We could go after you finish group dance practice on Wednesday or Friday?”

It all comes out in a breathless confession. When she finally moves her eyes from her hands to Taeyoung’s, she freezes up. 

Wait, Taeyoung looks…scared?

“How—how did you know I go to LemonDrop?” she asks slowly. She fidgets, and Haemi notices her eyeliner tube has fallen to the floor. “I’ve never told our Jewelz that I go there.” Taeyoung is almost completely pressed to the other side of the van. “How do you know when our group dance practices are?”

“I wanted to know you better. I wanted to impress you that I knew you so well,” Haemi replies, reaching out to her but her idol flinches back even further if that was possible. “I’m sorry for jumping this on you. I mean, if you’d like, we can even just hang out and not even treat it like a date—” 

Taeyoung bolts out of the van so quickly that Haemi lags a second behind. Her idol darts around the side, but she blocks her. 

“I’m just asking for a chance to prove myself to you!” Haemi opens out her arms to ensure she doesn’t lose Taeyoung. 

Her idol is shrunken into herself, arms curled up against her chest. When she speaks, Haemi doesn’t recognize the voice.

“I—I don’t even know you.”

The words set off a sonic firecracker boom in Haemi’s chest. “What? But we—”

“Manager-nim!” her voice erupts, finger stabbed at Haemi. “Get her away from me!” 

Away? Haemi’s dragged backwards and the space between her and Taeyoung stretches, the empty space eating and eating until its several feet large. 

Eyes fixed on Taeyoung, Haemi struggles shakily forward a few steps escaping the weight behind her. She makes it a few steps with arms outstretched for her idol to help her, but Taeyoung turns away, flanked by security. 

Haemi’s stomach is gutted when a pair of arms wrap aggressively around her waist to drag her back. This time, she isn’t strong enough to get away. 

“She knows me!” Haemi screams at the force dragging her. “She knows me!” 

Her shouts cause Taeyoung to turn around and for a second, Haemi is hopeful. But any optimism plummets to her stomach at the sight of the horror that flashes across Taeyoung’s face before her back shuts Haemi out completely.

After being reprimanded, the company bans her from any fan signs or comeback stages for the next several months and expels her from RUBIE’s Jewelz chat app. 

All of this hurts. But Haemi returns to her apartment in the dead of night with different eyes. 

Haemi opens her laptop and finds her old Google Doc of RUBIE antis accounts. Where she used to see enemies, she sees a new empire to build.