A Hundred Years

Don't you dare bring my Mother into this, Harold!

Oh brother, here we go again. You know what, Janine? 

What's that, Harold? 

You're right, I could never stand your Mother. 

I knew it! I saw the glimmer in your eye the day they took away the credenza. 

Glimmer in my eye? Listen to yourself! Christ, you're mad. You know that, right? 

Harold, I don't want this to get nasty. Let's not get heated.

Fine, Janine. There isn't any sense in getting into an argument now, is there? 

Agreed. I'd really rather just have this all finished and move on with things.

Janine, I'm not poking fun, I just don't understand how you intend to move on? Where would you even go? 

Yes, well, obviously we are going to need to agree to some ground rules, seeing that neither of us are able to move out. We could perhaps agree to separate sides? 

If you'd rather have the upstairs to yourself, there isn't really any reason I need to come up here. 

You wouldn't mind staying downstairs, even when they're here? You won't feel awkward?

Why would I feel awkward? 

It's true, you are very good with small talk, Harold.

Is that meant as some kind of jab? 

What ever do you mean? Harold, really, how is that a jab? I was paying you a compliment. 

Alright then Janine. My mistake. Please, let's get on with your little divorce.

Oh, Harold, please! My divorce? 

 It just seems a little bit silly...

Silly! What's silly about this is that we waited so long to do it! The time I have wasted!

Look, calm down Janine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just saying... is this even necessary? 

Of course it is necessary. I need my independence, I need my own space to grow. 

I'm happy to stay downstairs, that's fine. You can have upstairs all to yourself. So why all the paperwork? 

Look Harold, the paper work is to ensure we don't break agreements. 

But, Janine, how is that legally bound? How will you get retribution if agreements are not fulfilled? See what I mean?

Don't frustrate me, Harold. If you agree to the terms that you stay downstairs and I agree to live upstairs, I'll just need you to initial here, here, and right here. 

Seriously, Janine? You can't just take my word for it? 

I'd really rather have it in writing.

Fine, here, I'll sign it. 

Fantastic! Now, I can't think of any property to dispute, not since the credenza was taken. That was the last of it, I believe.

It was and that was ages ago. I'm sorry that upset you, but it isn't like you could have used it.

You think I don't know that, Harold? It was sentimental. My Mother would spend so much time polishing it and she was so pleased to gift it to us. That’s all.

I'm sorry, Janine.

It's okay. Time marches on. Can you believe it is the year 2000?  

It isn't two thousand dear, it's twenty-twenty four. 

Harold, are you sure? That doesn't seem right.

Yes, I'm positive. I stayed up and rang in the new year with them. Jamie is headed to college and he wasn't even born yet in two thousand. 

Jamie? Who is that?

Janine! Jamie is the younger boy. You really pay absolutely zero attention to them, huh?

I have no need to keep track of their lives. I have my own worries.

What worries could you possibly have? 

Well, I worry about lot's of things, Harold. What if the house was to catch fire? What if I am never able to find my purpose? Many things. Don't you worry?

What do I have to worry about? Other than this so called divorce proceeding, I am quite comfortable. Totally content with my lot. 

This is exactly why I can't continue another day in this marriage. You never question anything, or want to explore possibilities. It's stifling. 

Me ? I'm not the one who holes themselves up on the second floor and refuses to take part in the lives of the people living in this house! 

They are idiots and only talk about idiotic things. I'd rather explore the depths of my own mind. I've recently taken up meditation. 

Janine, are you kidding me? I never thought you would fall under the spell of a guru. You're Presbyterian, for Christ sake!

You wouldn't understand. Stop laughing at me this instant, Harold!

Oh, jeez, c'mon now Janine. Don't cry. I'm sorry.

Don't touch me! 

Now, now, come on. Let me comfort you. It may be the last time.

Thank you, Harold. I will miss your warm hugs, but my autonomy is more important. This will be the last. 

If you insist, my love. 

I must. Now, enough of this. Let's get back to the contract. The second agreement deals with privacy rights. 

Janine. Who would I tell anything too? Even if they were able to hear me, what secrets of yours would they care to know? 

That's exactly what I mean. You have a tendency to talk and talk until you end up telling people all kinds of private things. 

Whatever do you mean by that ? 

If ever a time comes that they acknowledge you, I would prefer if you did not tip them off to my existence. 

Tip them off? You sound like you are on the run! Haha!

Harold, I am serious. This includes the children, Harold, Jr., Margret, and sweet little Daniel.

Absolutely not, Janine. You? Fine. But I will not be censored from speaking about my children, rest their precious souls. 

I don't want you speaking of our children. We don't know the consequences of bringing their names into this.

I can't believe they have been gone for so long. How many years has it been since HaroldJr.?

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I have no idea. I was already twenty-four years behind. Let me think...

What a shame. Not even fifty and drank himself to death. A shame and a waste.

He was such a smart boy and had such a promising future in law. Heart breaking. 

As if loosing sweet little Daniel wasn't enough. 

For someone born with all of the problems he had, living until twenty-two was a pure miracle. But yes, by the time we lost Harold I suppose we were already broken.

Sixty years.

I'm sorry? 

Harold Jr. has been gone for sixty years. That would mean that Daniel has been gone for ninety years! It seems impossible.

My goodness, ninety years. Are you sure about that? 

Yes, Janine, I'm sure. Harold Junior died in nineteen sixty-four, Daniel died in nineteen fifty-five. 

And Margret...

Nineteen seventy-four. The same year we...

All right Harold, thats enough. We have seen our fair share of pain together and I would like to keep those memories private.

It seems rather unlikely to come up, but fine. Where do I sign?

Here, here, and right here. 

There you are then. Two down, and how many more to go? 

Just an agreement to dissolve the marriage and we are done. I just need you to sign right here. 

Why dissolve the marriage? Are you seeing someone else? Planning on remarrying in the near future? Am I invited?

Oh, ha ha, Harold. After one hundred and ten years of marriage, the last thing I want to do is start another, if such a thing was even possible. 

It hasn't been all bad. Despite our losses, I thought we were pretty happy for almost sixty years. 

You mean, until Margret died?

Well, yes. Sixty years of some bad times, but mostly good. You don't agree? 

Sure, Harold. We promised until death do us part and I stayed loyal to that promise, but we've been dead for fifty years now. It's time to move on.

You really want to do this? 

I really think it's for the best.

Janine, who am I going to talk to? Who is going to comfort you when you are feeling flustered? Because if we sign this I'm not going to break a contract. 

Of course I'm serious, Harold. I've had one hundred years to consider this. 

I wish you would reconsider. Maybe a trial seperation? Yes, we can live separate for one year and see how we feel about it. How about that?

No, I’m sorry Harold, but no. Look, the sun is coming up and they are going to be waking up. Will you please sign so we can get on with our day? 

You know what Janine? 

Whats that, Harold? 

You are exactly like your mother!