Why change?

The bell rings through the school. The same sound every day, at the end and start of school. The same kids, bustled through the halls, running, screaming, laughing, flexing, and pranking. Same teachers for each and every boring class. I walk into the halls, but the other kids are motionless. A buzzing sound fills my ears, and I clutch my ears in pain.

Everything goes quiet, I am standing in the middle of the hall. I lift my hands from my ears and everything was normal again. Just a little different.

What was that?!

Am I going crazy?!

Oh, I cannot handle this right now...

I walk to my locker, panicking. My stuff inside is everywhere as I scramble to set it up. It cannot change. But it did! Why, why, why.....I heave my backpack to the locker. I start to hyperventilate.

My breathing getting faster, and faster. The world just stops. Silence, not even a flea could fly without being heard.

I close my eyes, hoping that this nightmare would end.

I start to panic. My anxiety confuses me, the lashes and harshness control me.

Memories flash into my mind. The belt, the screaming, the pain. It's all there. Never going, never coming. It's just- there. My breathing slows, but the anxiety still is there. I open my eyes, and the bell rings.

Ándale chica, hurry. Today cannot change. It will just be like any other day. Marie will not prohibit another tardy again! She said it herself last night...

I cringe at the memory of her. Still walking in the hall.

it comes down,

the crack,

the pain.

It bursts into my body like an atomic bomb. Rushing into every nook and cranny that it can find.

I let out a breath, and I

It's fine. We're fine.

I walk into the room, head down, and hurry to my seat. The class is usual, the same boys and girls huddle in after me; some talking with friends, others putting their gum on different desks.

"Good morning class!" The teacher, Mrs. Robinson, cheerfully says, "Good morning Mrs. Robinson!" She waltzes into class, her heels clicking on the floor. Everyone bustles to their seats. "Today, we are going to learn about something called a chemical reaction. Does anyone want to guess what that means?" a few students raise their hands. "Chelsea?" "It's when atoms hit each other and bond?" Chelsea says as she puts her hand down. "it's a part of it though. Max?" "When salt and pepper mix, you make a new spice." Max drools.

Everyone slaps their foreheads. the guy next to Max punches him on the shoulder. Max groans from the punch. The teacher looks at him in confusion, but she waves it off. I would sigh and put my head down on the table, but I flinch and sit back up.

"No. It's actually something completely different!" Mrs. Robinson walks behind her desk and brings out white vinegar. "Now, you can do this experiment at home, but here I have White Vinegar." She reaches under her desk again, bringing out a bag of white powder, "This is our catalyst. Something that doesn't get swallowed in the chemical reaction. This is Baking Soda." Everyone is silent, so the class clown plays a chirping noise.

Ha. Very funny...

The teacher opens the bag and opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I look around and the class is listening intently. I look back and Mrs. Robinson had poured in the baking soda. "See, the baking soda is absorbing the vinegar, and it is making CO2." She says, motioning to the rising bubbles, which made the whole classroom smell like CO2.

The fuzzy sound comes again. The teacher rambles on, her jaw and lips moving slower and slower... until it stops.

Why right now? I was in perfect condition this morning! Please don't let it change...

The teacher says, "So, because of that, this reaction isn't bonding, or one thing is absorbing another, this reaction is changing the vinegar and the baking soda, so, when the two meet, it 'fuses' into making something new." She turns to me.

She meets my gaze, and says, "Everything is changing. Sometimes it is out of your control. Let the change happen."

I let out a breath that I didn't know I had been holding, and I take my gaze away, looking at my notebook, which was opened to the first page. Blank. The bumps from the next page, look at me like a black cat in broad daylight.

My hands shift from each other to cover it up, as I cringe with pain.

A red mark on the back of my hand burns like a third-degree burn.

Why did I do that?

I hope she didn't see it...

I look up at the teacher, and she still is looking at me, she says, "Let the change happen. Even if it is out of your control." She looks away, concluding with, "There is an extra five minutes of class. Cell phone usage is prohibited."

I put my head down on the table, as I hear, 'Click, Click, Click, Click, Click.' She comes up to my table as the kids start talking, and whispers, "Can you come outside with me for a moment?" I nod and together we walk out. "Are you okay honey?" She asks me, "Y-yes..." "Anything weird at all happened at home or at school?" She tilts her head. "Yeah... before in the hallway and while in class," I confess as I put my face down.

Why was she doing this?

This isn't like her...

Why couldn't it be like any other day?!

Just a normal casual day.

She is going to get mad... Why did I tell her?!

"Tell me. I'll listen."

what? She stayed calm?

"Well.... for a few minutes, everything just stops and goes silent. Then a sound plays. I didn't want this to happen." I start to hyperventilate, "I just want things to go back to how it was... I shouldn't have told you that. why did I tell you that.... why, why, why..." I start slapping my hand, the same one that was hurting. She grabs my wrist.

"You are responsible for your own actions. I'm assuming your mother showed and imprinted that on you. Your mother did that to you, and you are just a kid. You were just doing what you were told. I never want to see you do that ever again." She says sternly. I put out my hand.

Just do it.

I've already had enough pain.

Just get it done already.

She places her hand on mine. She says, "hmm. You saw the chemical reaction. Is very squishy and wet. Once it's in there, you can't just magically take it apart and get it back with clear vinegar and dry baking soda." Mrs. Robinson softly says.

"What your mother has done will never change. But you need to overcome this, separate from this mindset, and change yourself. Something bad that you have done, or something that was forced upon you, might reach out for forgiveness and put you in a completely different direction. And let the "Silence" be an example to react with you, and change you. To the molecular level."

"I know-"

"Then let it."

"But I don't want it to!"

"Then this is a change that will be there for a certain time. If you embrace it, it will become you. If you leave it, it will move on. This might change your life. Everything is always changing. The gases, the liquids, and the solids." She motions to her and my body "Even our bodies. Let the change happen. Remember. Everything is changing."

Everything is changing...

But why though?

Why?! Why does it happen...

"Now. Let's get back into the classroom."