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June 20th 2022

The sun never shined brighter than it did on Mike and Annelise. What a star couple. No one could tear the two childhood sweethearts away from each other. 

“Mike, come back here! Just touch it!” Lis giggled, chasing Mike with a worm. Her stubby five-year-old legs couldn’t take her very far and Mike, being older, had an advantage.

Mike laughed, turning away from the fresh pink insect. “Eww! No!”

“Oh, fineee! If you don’t want to, go,” Lis whined, then she spun around and with the worm in his face. 

He jumped back with a scream that could rattle the stars. Lis doubled over in laughter as he shook himself from head to toe. 

“I’m going to get you for that!” Mike warned, stepping towards Lis and wiggling his hands. He dug his fingers in the sides of her stomach, tickling her until they were both out of breath from laughter. 

Oh, how they loved each other. 

In high school, they were the same. Madly in-love.  Everyone knew they were going to get married. It was always Mike-Annelise. Annelise-Mike. One could not exist without the other. Their friend-group knew no other couple could rival theirs. An incredibly cute cheerleader and the town’s star football player. Perfect, right? 

 Ever since Lis and Mike could remember, Penn State was their university. They were both attending, no buts, no nuts. They would never be separated. But post-secondary school proved to be a challenge however. 

Lis failed to get into Penn State where she planned to get the best computer-science education the U.S. had to offer, but instead she had to settle for average community college lessons at best. Mike, with his less than average GPA, somehow managed to get it with no idea what he wanted to major in. That infuriated Lis. For the first time they had a fight. 

“You only applied because I was going!” Lis raged in the football field during lunch. She was pacing in front of the bleachers that Mike was lounging on, gobbling down his meat sandwich. “How did you get in? This is so unfair!” 

Mike choked on a slice of ham. Washing it down with a bottle of water, he spat, “What, you don’t think I’m smart enough?” 

Lis sighed, running a hand through her blinding blonde hair. “No, of course not. Only meant that I really wanted to go to Penn.” She rubbed her teary eyes. “We’re going to be states and states apart.” Her voice broke and that absolutely dissolved any anger Mike had. 

He wrapped his hands around her waist, inhaling the jasmine scent of her blouse. “We can make long-distance work. It’s only for four years. Nothing can beat team Mike-Lis, right?” 

Lis’s insides turned to goo at his sweet smile. His kind brown eyes and perfect little dimple. She had an athletic, handsome, and kind boyfriend. Everything she wanted since she was little. She should be grateful and stop complaining. 

“You have ketchup on your lip,” Lis whispered, leaning down to swipe it away with her thumb. 

“I do,” he murmured, stealing her lips for a kiss. Or two. Or three. 

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Class could wait. 

Marriage is never what it seems. Nothing is. Nothing in this world is 100% honest and true. Lis and Mike learned it the hard way. After graduating high school, they immediately eloped - to the horror of their parents who wanted a huge ceremony - and moved into a small flat together up in Pennsylvania. It was a tacky but vivacious neighborhood. It bustled with people of all statuses. 

Mike was still working towards his doctor’s degree in Penn State. Lis was working two jobs: a waitress and receptionists. Neither job paid enough to support Mike’s tuition and rent. Not that the landlord ever checks in on them. Which should be a blessing considering the fact that their apartment is a literal pigsty. Dirty dishes piled high in the small sink. Take out and clothes strewn about the cramped living room. Dust and some foul smell coated every surface. It was a mess to look at, not to mention live in. But they were both too exhausted after every day to do anything other than fall into bed. Sex became a scarcity as well. The few times that they did do it, it was a hurried, sweaty, and frenzied affair. But they were blissfully happy. Or so it seemed. 

It all came tumbling down. 

It wasn’t Lis’s fault. Nothing on Lis’s behalf gave Mike the right to cheat. But he did it anyway. The details aren’t important. Who the girl was is not important. Where it happened is not important. The only thing that is of crucial mention is that Mike broke Annelise’s trust. 

“How did you find out? “ Mike tugged on his sleeves, a nervous habit. He couldn’t meet Lis’s eyes. They burned with so much anger and betrayal that Mike looked down at his shoes instead. 

Lis stormed up to him, getting right in his face. Forcing him to look at her. “It doesn’t matter how I found out! You cheated, Mike! We were together for ten years! How could you do that?” 

“I-I-You’re a bad wife!” Mike finally spluttered out. Lis’s eyes narrowed into slits. Mike was in trouble, but there was no backing out of what he said now. “Look around the place! It’s filthy!” 

“Oh that’s so stereotypical! Does the female really have to do all the cleaning, Mike? Did all that cheating get in your head?”   

“Don’t you think it’s stereotypical how the man is always the one that cheats-”

Lis scoffed, fury bubbling in her stomach. “Do you hear yourself? Really, Mike. Are you just that thick? I was too exhausted from working my ass off at two jobs  - to pay for your tuition by the way - to clean!” 

Lis took a deep breath. “Are you even going to apologize?” 

Mike stayed silent. 

“If you don’t want to, go! GO!” Lis threw two cushions from the dirty couch at him. She used all the power she could muster, but it missed by a mile. “GET OUT!” 

For the first time in a lifetime of loving him, Lis wanted to hurt him. 

***

The following two months of Lis’s was torture. Mike was officially out of her life. That’s what she repeated to herself over and over again. Every day she woke up in their - her - apartment, the absence of Mike would hit her like a bulldozer. 

Waves of depression and anger seared her brain. Sizzling and mutating her thoughts, reason, and logic. She did some stupid things. 

One day, she was at an all time low. She felt like the sun had forgotten about her, like no sunlight or happiness could reach her melancholy self. She knew it was stupid but she just wanted everything to end. Standing alone at the top of her apartment complex, she almost did jump off. Fortunately her mother arrived at the last moment, with a gut feeling that something was wrong. Perilously wrong. 

Lis got help afterwards. She was still getting help. Nothing could ever entirely cure her, she knew that. But she wanted to get better. That was the only thing that kept her moving. She spent most of that time cleaning. Soon the apartment was restored to its original appearance. Not a trace of Mike left. She returned all of his belongings in one single, heart-wrenching trip. 

Mike seemed to have moved on as well. He was living with his parents and starting his residency program.  They both wondered if the other had found another, but neither Lis nor Mike had any love left in them. 

Their friends and family knew not to probe the subject. It was too delicate. A single, “Are you getting back together?” could shatter them forever. They were disappointed. That was clear. And shocked. The great Mike-Lis ship had sunk. 

“It sank a long time ago. Maybe even as early as when we moved in together. But it was just rotting after. Rotting and decomposing. It had to disintegrate eventually.” Lis told her mother over lunch. She barely had an appetite for anything. Even coffee made her nauseous. It was concerning. Lis felt like her stomach could come out of her mouth at any moment. 

“I know the first few months were hard, but I’m glad you’re getting a divorce now. I’m so incredibly happy to see you get your life back together, Lis,” her mother said softly. “Penn State won’t know what hit them. You're going to be the best computer scientist there ever was.” 

Oh, yeah. Two new things. 

1. Lis got a divorce. A messy but successful one. 
2. Lis was attending Penn State now. 

Her parents - along with some charitable donations from friends and family - helped kick-start her $ 50 000 tuition. Lis still worked two jobs though. It distracted her from Mike. Keeping her hands and brain busy was the only thing that prevented her from collapsing into a puddle of tears. Nighttime was always the hardest. It was quiet, reflective, and peaceful. Utter agony for someone who's recently got out of a breakup. 

Two months after the divorce, Lis woke up and knew something was wrong. Her head was spinning. She wanted to vomit. Everything was out of focus.

Stumbling into her cramped washroom, she puked last night’s dinner into the dinner. Lis was not an idiot. Her ex-husband was a doctor, for god’s sake. She knew the symptoms. 

After shoving a granola bar (the only non-vomit inducing thing in her kitchen) into her mouth, she took a pregnancy test. She still kept a small stash from the pregnancy scare with Mike when they were 20. She kept them because she didn’t want the pressure and fear of going to the pharmacy and buying one. 

It didn’t alter her emotions a lick. Taking it at home by herself was just as scary. As she flipped the thin stick over, she prayed to God to be merciful. She gave him all the reasons why she couldn’t be pregnant. Work. School. Money. Time. 

Please, God. Please, please, please. 

Oh no. 

That was the first thing that crossed her mind as she stared at the two red lines on her test. Oh no, I can’t be pregnant and Oh no, how am I going to tell Mike? 

***

It was harder than her mom made it out to be. The first person she told was obviously her mom. Who then told her to tell Mike. 

“He has a right to know, sweetie.” Her mom only used her sweet, honeyed voice when she knew Lis was on the verge of breaking. 

“But . . . what if he doesn’t want to . . . support me.” Her voice cracked in the end. All she could think about was how weak she felt. How weak she probably looked. Asking her ex for support that she didn’t even want. But needed. So desperately needed. 

And it was that desperation that drove her to pick up her phone and shakily dial Mike’s number. Lis had deleted him from her contacts the moment they divorced, but screw it if she memorized his number. She hated herself for it but she knew that court was not the last place she’d see or need Mike. 

He answered on the second ring. “Hello?” his voice was groggy, like he’d just woken up. Lis could imagine him, sprawled across the bed with his hand crushed under his pillow. As always. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she shook them off. 

“It’s me.” 

Rustling seeped through the line. “Lis? What-”

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted, clutching the table. She took a deep breath. You’re in your kitchen. Having breakfast. Everything is normal

Silence on the other end. 

It reminded Lis too much of the night they broke up. Mike never did end up apologizing for cheating. Even after the divorce. 

“Are you sure it’s mine?” His deep voice whispered. 

Lis simmered, all fear and hurt dissipating instantly. “Of course I’m sure. It’s not as if I‘ve been meeting many people. Unlike you, I assume.” She added that last part as a jab but she didn’t expect him to throw it right back. And she didn’t expect it to hurt so much. 

“And you’re right to assume. I’ve moved on, Lis. I met a girl, Loreen. She’s . . . nice.” 

“Oh. You’ve moved on quickly.” Lis muttered, wiping a few traitorous tears from her cheek. Stop it. 

“I’d like to leave it that way. I don’t know why you’re calling but-”

“I can’t raise this baby myself, Mike. If you can’t support me emotionally then support me financially. You owe it to me to help. Half of this is yours.” Lis’s voice had gone stone cold. She was not going to plead, beg, or take no for an answer. She had had enough. 

“Hell, it’s seven in the morning, Lis. I  . ..  I can’t deal with this. It’s your baby. I don’t want to be involved. I can’t support you, Lis. I’m moving with Loreen to England for the rest of my residency. I just can’t stay here.” 

Lis felt like a straw. Hollow and thin. Everything filtered through her straw. A little at a time. It took minutes - or maybe it was hours - for her to fully process Mike’s words. She just felt worse afterwards. Her situation began to sink in. Questions and worries clouded her brain. 

How will I pay off my student loan?

Who will take care of the baby when I’m at school?

What will everyone say about me?

Tears streamed down from her eyes. She pressed her lips together, bobbing forward in her straight-backed chair. Why hadn’t anyone told her that 23 sucks? Nothing turned out the way she expected. The way she wanted since she was a child. Being an adult was hard. She was so tired. So, so tired.

“Fine, then. If you don’t want to, go. End this call. Leave. I don’t care anymore.” She hung up. Even to Lis, her voice sounded empty. She was a broken-record, repeating the same thing over and over again. It hurt like a bullet. Each word brought her down another peg. 

Making an intelligible cry, she slammed her phone onto the table, curling up into a ball in her chair. She rocked back and forth, sobbing the whole night.  

When morning came, Lis finally sobered up. Rubbing her puffy eyes, she marveled at the Sun. She watched the shining, burning ball of fire slowly ascend the sky. It started anew each day. The Sun was blessed with a fresh start. 

In the end, love is never what it seems. It has a shiny gilded surface that can allure even the loneliest of us. But underneath that plaque, there’s a magnitude of layers that will never all be discovered in one lifetime. 

Lis got up, resolve flowing through her veins. She would be like the Sun. She wouldn’t let anything shackle her to the nightmares of the night. The Sun would shine on her - without Mike in the picture. 

She would show everyone what she was made of. 

She would burn across the sky.

THE END