Anxiety of the Middle Years

Skirttttttttt the bus's brakes squeaked as they were slammed by the driver. All the kids rocked forward but remained fairly calm. The driver apologized and everyone got off at the last stop. Lizzet walked home that cool, fall afternoon with her best friend Harriet, as she had every other school day for the last 7 years. They had met in first grade and hit it off right away. They spent every summer and every school year, since then, together. 7th grade had just started today and they both were nervous but together they got through it and now the day was over. They made their way from the bus to their neighboring houses chatting aimlessly and glad the day had finished. 

They reached their homes and went their separate ways, agreeing to meet up at Lizzets house the next morning. After a quick hug Harriet disappeared through her door and Lizzet took the last few steps to her own. Lizzet went inside and called out, 

“Anyone home!” When met with silence it was clear she was alone. She dropped her backpack to the floor, slid off her shoes and went to the fridge, craving an after-school snack. The cold box was mostly empty but at the back of the freezer sat the last fudge pop. Happy to have a cool snack Lizzet took it and made her way to the couch, so she could lounge while she ate. She flipped the TV on and spent her afternoon bored and alone. 

When the next morning finally came Lizzet woke up and got ready for school. Feeling lucky for having a study hall first period to do her homework each day, or just free time, for days like this when she had none. Harriet walked in after a quick knock and they sat down for a short breakfast. 

“I hope we can each make a friend today…” Lizzet said, feeling disheartened from the previous day.

“We’ll be fine!” Harriet responded hopefully, “Even if we don’t make a friend all year we have each other!” Harriet put her hand over Lizzets and met her eyes with a smile. When Lizzet looked up she smiled back feeling encouraged and cared for. 

Before too long they had to get going so Lizzet rinsed their dishes and they headed out the door to the bus stop. Together they waited for their ride to arrive. However when it did arrive Lizzet rushed forward trying to get a good pick of seats. She ended up at the front of the line while Harriet got stuck in the back. They were about 3 seats away from one another, and just like that Lizzet was anxious for the day again. The drive lasted 10 minutes, but to Lizzet it felt like 30. When the vehicle finally pulled up to the school and the pair got off and found one another, Harriet was smiling and Lizzet was anxious.

“I’m sorry I thought you were beside me!” Lizzet cried out quietly as Harriet joined her. Harriet chuckled.

“Hey, Hey.” She said, hand on Lizzet’s shoulder. “It’s okay you just wanted a good seat. And anyway I got to talking with my seat partner and she’s really quite cool. We have the same lunch period so I invited her to eat with us.” Lizzet nodded, smiling for only a moment. She was happy Harriet wasn’t mad but another feeling was bubbling up in her, jealousy.

They went to their homeroom mostly in silence, other than the few details Harriet shared about her new bus buddy. As they arrived Lizzet headed for the seats in the back they had occupied the day before but Harriet stopped her. She was feeling empowered after her friendly success.

“Maybe we should sit in the middle so we can meet more people!” She said it like a question but Lizzet knew she wouldn’t let them sit anywhere else, so she nodded.

The class started as the teacher closed the door and began roll call. Harriet paid close attention to the names of those around her while Lizzet listened only for her name while dwelling sadly on Harriets excitement at befriending others. She too had wanted other friends but as Harriet worked to make them she couldn’t remember how to start a conversation. The teacher called her name, snapping her from this thought process.

“Here.” She called, in-turn. 

Once that was done with, the teacher sat down to grade assignments and the students chatted amongst themselves, or played on their phones aimlessly. Harriet got busy complimenting and getting to know her neighbors. While Lizzet nervously tried to say something, anything to anyone. About a minute into a small panic Lizzet put her head to her desk and decided to stay there till the period was over. 

Harriet had a good 30 mins, though. First she complimented Aliah, the girl sitting on her other side, shoes. Then she asked her name and introduced herself. Harriet made random conversation about the temperature and the smell of brownies in the air. Aliah talked and laughed back and soon enough she too had an invitation to lunch with Harriet and Lizzet. While Aliah and Harriet spoke the boy, Luke, who sat behind Aliah joined in. He chipped in to the debate when Aliah boldly stated, 

“Eh, I don’t think there are any hot teachers, not that I’ve met anyway…” Luke turned to them and said in response, 

“You’re kidding right?” Aliah shook her head. 

“ALL the female teachers are hot, or at the very least attractive.” Luke responded. Harriet looked him dead in the eyes with a look of disbelief.

“All of them? Really? Even Mrs. Kallin? The 90-year-old Chem teacher?” Luke shivered in disgust.

“Ok, ok, all the YOUNG female teacher. How’s that?” Aliah chuckled.

“Not great but better.” Harriet said while meeting Aliah’s eyes and laughing. Luke introduced himself and got an invite to the lunch table. 

Soon enough homeroom ended. The bell rang and Harriet said goodbye to her new friends. Lizzet stood, looking like she just woke up, and they walked to Pre-Algebra. Harriet asked if Lizzet was ok as they walked into the classroom. Lizzet explained how anxious she had gotten. Harriet patted her back and said,

“It’ll get better. Even if you can’t start a conversation, at lunch I can introduce you to everyone and we can all be friends together. Ok?” Lizzet smiled and nodded, trying to take heart and be grateful for her best friend. Even though she still felt anxious, the nagging jealousy had lessened for now. They took their assigned seats, Lizzet in the back and Harriet in the exact middle.

The class began. The teacher announced they would be pairing up today so they could get to know one another. Most of the students were happy, including Harriet. Lizzet on the other hand just tried to make the best of it and use the assignment to help socialize. So the class paired up with their nearest seat neighbor to do a basic times table. Lizzet got paired with a short boy who hit a nerve when they met, by being obnoxious. She wasn’t happy, but he kept talking anyway and making jokes. Lizzet couldn’t see past his rambunctious behavior, though, and spent the class stewing. Harriet got paired with the most popular girl in the school last year. She was nervous, but this was a bigger pond and Claire was actually very relaxed. Harriet smiled and laughed with her the whole class. It occurred to her that Claire was popular not for being mean, like on TV, but for being likable and easy to talk to. 

About 5 minutes before the bell rang, the teacher collected everyone's tables and gave the class some free-time with only the stipulation that they remain somewhat quiet. Claire introduced Harriet to her friends and before Harriet knew it, she was in with the cool crowd. Meanwhile Lizzet sat at her desk in silence staring at the window and gestating in her failure. She had zoned out but was brought back when the girl sitting between her and the window waved her hand in front of her eyesight. When Lizzet looked at her, the girl said,

“Sorry, you have a really creepy face when you zone. Seriously, I thought you might try to kill the window.” The girl chuckled at her own joke but stopped when Lizzet just made an awkward face and said,

“I see.” Before looking anywhere but at her. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the silence the girl introduced herself.

“Sooooo…I’m Lexis but most people find it easier to say Lexi instead. What’s your name?” Just following along, Lizzet answered her.

“It’s Lizzet, so nicknames.” Lexis nodded and stuck out her hand for a good old-fashioned handshake.

“Nice to meet you.” She said, with a light smile. Lizzet just stared at her hand for a moment. Lexis realized she was confused or at the very least not sure so she took Lizzets hand, placed it on her own and shook. Lizzet seemed thankful and responded.

“Yeah, you too…” 

The bell rang in that moment. Lexis dropped Lizzets hand, slid on her back pack and did a two finger wave before walking out. Lizzet gathered her stuff and left the room too. Normally she would have said goodbye to Harriet first as their next classes were different, but she seemed preoccupied with her new friends. So instead Lizzet headed out on her own, jealousy’s cold grasp taking a hold on her again. This time paired with loneliness. The next two periods went the same as before except the pair were in different classes. Lizzet still stayed quiet making no encounter that wasn’t odd and started by someone else. Harriet remained popular with the girls and chatted the whole class through. The two didn’t have any other classes together for the rest of the day except home ec. at the end of the day and lunch in the middle. Lizzet was creative and smart when she was interested so she took honors Biology, Art 101, and honors English. Bio, Pre-Alg, and Art before lunch and History, English, and home ec. after. Harriet though was mostly just social and friendly. So she took all the normal level classes and picked the basic electives of home-ec and gym. 

Eventually it got to lunch. Lizzet met Harriet at her locker and they made their way to lunch. Harriet had a packed lunch from her mother, and Lizzet had a lunch card with about $50 a week on it. Harriet recalled all the people she’d invited to lunch, to Lizzet, who was becoming increasingly panicked. When they arrived in the crowded and loud cafeteria, they split up, Harriet scouting and saving a table and Lizzet going to buy her lunch. When Lizzet had her chicken sandwich, curly fries, and juice, she spotted Lizzet by the garden wall. As Lizzet got closer she saw the table was packed, all the seats were full and there were people sitting on the tables nearby just to join the conversation. Lizzet walked over, and tapped Harriet on the shoulder. Harriet was making a joke and when Lizzet tapped her, she turned with her arm in the air and accidentally hit Lizzet in the face. 

“Oh my god, Lizzet, are you okay?” Harriet jumped up and started trying to help. Sadly the slap didn’t hurt nearly as much as the pain of losing her best friend.

“Harriet.” She said trying to get her to stop freaking out.

“Harriet. Har-Iet!” She yelled finally. Everyone at the table stopped and looked at them.

“I’m okay. I’m just gonna go eat…in the nurse's office.” Lizzet turned and left the cafeteria, with her head lowered. Little did Lizzet know, Harriet tried to follow but her new friends stopped her, she was one of them, or nothing it seemed, so she stayed. 

Lizzet ate in the nurses room and then feigned a stomach ache, and pretended her face hurt more than it did. The nurse called her mom and sent her home for the day. When her mom got there Lizzet got in the car and leaned against the wall feeling down while her mom asked if she was okay. When Lizzet said she was, her mother then began berating her about calling her from work. Lizzet’s mom demanded she needs to go to school for the whole day for the next 2 weeks no matter what or she’ll be grounded. Lizzet agreed half-heartedly, and with that the ride was done in silence. 

Lizzet’s mom dropped her at home with the stipulation her homework would be done immediately, and went to work. Lizzet went inside, sat at the dining room table and did her homework as promised, as well as the classwork her teachers from the classes she missed, had sent her. When she was done Lizzet went to her room, feeling like she was actually as sore as she had told the nurse. When she laid in her bed all alone she felt comfort but also an overwhelming tiredness. So she slept and slept and slept until finally she woke up. It was night, about 2 in the morning. She was hungry, so she got up, reheated her mothers leftover dinner, and checked her phone. She had multiple texts from Harriet and a goodnight message from her mom. She sent a heart to her mom and read Harriets texts.

“Lizzet I’m so sorry, are you ok?”

“Hey I heard you got sent home, are you okay?”

“Lizzet, what’s up? Are you mad? Please don’t be mad, it was an accident, I feel really bad.”

“Lizzet please just answer me!”

“You never ignore me, what’s wrong? Talk to me please.”

Every message was a few hours apart. Lizzet suddenly felt worse, not only did she feel mad but now she felt guilty too. She thought it through and sent Harriet a paragraph explaining.

“Harriet. I’m not mad because you hit me, it was an accident and I forgive you. I’m not even mad at you really. More so at myself. I feel like soon you and I are gonna drift so far apart that we’ll hardly talk anymore. You have so many friends now. You’re popular. But all I have is you. Maybe that’s the problem. I got too comfortable with it just being me and you, I think it’s time I become my own person rather than a duo. Middle school is a transitional time. So from now on let's keep school at school and not feel forced to sit with each other. You can sit with your friends on the bus and at lunch and in class. But let’s at least keep home ec, okay? So we don’t lose touch completely, and we can always hang out outside of school.” Lizzet hit send, then went back to bed, this time feeling ready for the new day. 

The sun rose and with it Lizzet. She took a shower and looked beautiful for her redo of middle school. She made her way to the bus, meeting up with Harriet on the way. 

“Ooooo I love your outfit today!” Harriet said as she walked down her driveway. They hugged hello.

“Thanks.” Lizzet replied with a smile. 

“By the way…I got your text. And I understand. I’m glad you still wanna be friends, you had me very freaked yesterday.” Harriet said, looking nervous for the first time in a very long while. Lizzet just smiled.

“Of course, I still wanna be friends with you. You’re my best friend, Harriet, and you always will be.” Harriet smiled and they hugged again as they reached their bus stop. The bus arrived at almost the same moment and the students all filed in. Hariet sat with her new bus buddy, Carrie and Lizzet sat down near the front, to read a book. Someone sat next to her though, someone she recognized. She looked over and saw it was Lexis from Pre-Algebra. 

“We meet again.” Lexis said. Lizzet smiled.

“Indeed.” Lexis tilted her head and gave a small smile, Lizzet was actually talking back this time.

“What’cha reading?” Lexis asked, pointing at the book in Lizzet’s hand.

“The Faerie Queene.” She recalled, “Have you heard of it?”

“Of course!” Lexis replied, “It’s a classic of Fantasy.” Realizing they had a lot in common the two chatted for the rest of the ride. By the end of it Lexis invited Lizzet to eat lunch with her, as she too had no one to sit with. Lizzet agreed. 

The year of 7th grade went on like this. Lizzet made friends more suited to her artistic nature. And Harriet got to know most everyone else. The pair remained best friends. In the end Lizzet still found herself alone at home, most nights, but she could always count on her few, but close friends to keep her company, day or night.