Clarity

A Short Recollection

by

Allen Pearcy

Friday, September 13, 9:45 pm: How do you even start one of these things? Dear diary? To whom it may concern? Dear future me? A lot has come together for me recently and in a short period of time so I thought it would be a good time for me to start journaling. I just want to capture some daily musings if nothing else. Maybe the occasional deep thought. Who knows, maybe even an earth-shattering revelation.

But, for today, I’m going to set my bar a little lower. I just started a new job and I’m a little bit nervous. It’s downtown, so the commute isn’t too bad. Donner’s Grove is only 45 mins by train and most days I can be in the elevator by 8:55 and still not have to leave the house until a few minutes before 8:00. Not bad considering that I don’t have to live downtown to work there.

My boss seems cool. He’s not much older than me, but I’m no spring chicken and approaching the big 4-0, so that’s not a surprise. Changing jobs is always a crap shoot and you don’t ever really know if it was a good choice until its too late. But as marketing firms go, this one seems pretty decent. I’ll check back in in 6 months!

Signing off? See you later? Until next time? I really need to see what people do to start and stop these things!

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Saturday, September 14th, 12:15 pm: As if this week wasn’t enough for to chew on, I also got a message from Kevin late last night, which was pretty much out of the blue since we’ve barely spoken since he moved to Minneapolis. Some guys are like that...OK, I am like that. I’m not mad at him but he was usually the one to make the effort.

He didn’t have my newest number. I lost my old one in the job change and I just happened to log into Facebook for the first time in 6 months and saw his message. He’s back in Chicago and we’re going to grab a drink later tonight and catch up. Should be interesting. I’ll report back tomorrow if I am not hungover - hopefully with some juicy details about the old gang. Kev’s always been better at keeping in touch with people than I have.

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Monday, September 16th, 12:45 am: Ok, don’t get me wrong. Hanging out with Kev was fun but he tends to bring out my slightly indulgent side and I did not have a hangover this morning…because I slept through the morning and was still a little drunk when I woke up around 2p - yikes!

I remember drinking way too much, but I also remember catching up on the last 3 years and not just about me and Kev. He has definitely stayed in closer touch with our little gang of friends than I have. I want to be better at the social stuff but Kev was my glue to the larger group and once he left, I had to make more of an effort I guess. Now that he is back, we’ll see what happens.

Alright, too late and gotta work in the morning. I am hoping to make this a daily habit. We’ll see.

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Friday, October 20th, 7:30 pm: So much for a daily habit. This week was a bear. So, I wanted to capture a few details. But I have to make time for it. WSDD! WRITE SHIT DOWN DAILY!!

It will be nice to look at this one day and remember some stuff I might not otherwise. I really wish I had started one of these years ago. I feel like my memory is already slipping and I’m not even 30 yet. What will my 50’s be like!?

Anyway, work is going well enough. I think it was a good decision over my other choices. I got another offer right after starting my second week and don’t have any regrets. I still like my new boss. We are already talking about opportunities to expand my role and get promoted in the future. I think she is sincere and I’m going to make sure to keep the topic alive. I hear we are looking at absorbing another firm - might be a good opportunity if I play my cards right.

After last weekend, I am questioning if I should go out again this weekend. Kev has already text me about “big news” for tomorrow night. But I am on the fence.

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Saturday, September 21, 11:15 pm: Who said being boring is bad? I decided not to go out tonight after all and I think it was the right choice. Our old friend Terry was apparently planning to join us and he can drink 4x as much as Kev or I can. I am sure those guys will have a blast either way - Two of the Three Amigos will have to be enough for tonight. Let them get it out of their systems and maybe I can join them next time after they get it out of their systems.

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Sunday, September 22nd 3:07 am: I just got a text from Kev and something bad happened?…I don’t know a lot yet but I think Terry might have been arrested. It is hard to understand what Kev is typing - he must be plastered!

Sunday, September 22nd 5:35 am: I tried calling Kev. His texts were gibberish but then they stopped altogether, and he isn’t answering my calls. Glad I didn’t go but worried those dumb asses are in real trouble…

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Tuesday, October 10th, 7:45 pm: Do you ever wake up and wonder what you want to do when you grow up? Is that bad for someone in their mid-Twenties? I mean the job is still good. Maybe not an amazing as my first couple of weeks. It sounds like I might not be the only one questioning his choices. I talked to Kyle on the train home today and it sounds like he is in serious need of a change at work - much worse than me. He also said Terry might be coming to town this weekend. It will be crazy for the Three Amigos to be in the same city for the first time since high school. Waiting to hear more from Kyle.

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Monday, October 16th, 10:45 pm: My boss is driving me nuts this week. Worse, I am not even sure I would like my job if she wasn’t. I always thought it would be my dream to live and work in the city. Even if it was Chicago and not NYC. Oh yeah, and Finance is boring! I am thinking about picking up some bar tending shifts. It has been a while, but it Is like drinking on a bike, right? Or something like that LOL.

More pressingly, I have a worm in my head…an ear worm anyway. Or at least a name stuck in there. James J. Peterson pops into my brain for no reason. I go back to being about my business and, suddenly, James J. Peterson again. I have no idea who he is or where I heard or saw the name. But I just can’t NOT think of it every 5 minutes today for some reason.

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Sunday, October 22nd, 4:45 pm: The journal is nice, but I am really struggling to remember details despite it. Small details…large details…I can’t escape the feeling that my memories are constantly fading in and out - being rewritten in my limited brain space.

It feels like every time I make a choice, I later find myself having done something almost totally different. This has been happening for weeks now and I can’t explain it. It’s almost like what people describe when they claim to lose time. Alien abduction? Probably not since I don’t live in a rural town.

But I can’t help but think something is wrong. Normal people make and retain memories without having to write every little detail down. Right?! Despite ALL of this, I CAN still clearly remember goddamn James J. Peterson…Jimmy…JJP…Mr. Peterson if you please…

Fuck you James J. Peterson!

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Thursday, October 26th, 7:15 pm: I almost died today. I was in my new favorite bookstore for the 5th time in 2 weeks trying to find an excuse to talk to the new employee. I will figure out her name eventually. I shop at the only bookstore in Chicago where they don’t wear name tags. Oh yeah, the near-death thing…

So, I was walking back to my bus stop and this guy shoves me into an alley just past the bookstore and tells me to give him “the book”. He had a gun pointed at my chest and I could barely freaking think!

He screamed it again and I told him I didn’t have any books and that I mostly go there to try to work up the nerve to ask out the new girl. But he wasn’t having it. He took a step toward me, and I think he was about to pistol whip me when a glorious CPD car paused at the end of the alley in traffic. He quiet-shouted, “this isn’t over!” and took off running before they noticed him. So I bolted and tried to catch the cops but traffic cleared and the cruiser was gone by the time I got out of the alley. I walked home scared shit-less and technically newly piss-less too. Humiliating AF.

So, yeah, that happened…and I still don’t know her name. Plus, I am still so freaking wound up right now - my heart is literally pounding in my ear. You know who’s name I DO know and can’t escape though? James Fucking Peterson. Right now, I would swear that I if find him I might just kill him to forget his name. That is if I don’t get killed first apparently.

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Friday, October 27th, 8:00 pm: I have always loved living in the city. There is no other city like New York. Nothing smells like it, sounds like it, or even comes close to matching the experience. I’ve tried living in other places but always come back to NYC.

The stuff that happens here is almost to much to make up sometimes. In my line of work, I see and hear the craziest crap driving rich people around. Take tonight, my current assignment for the next few weeks is a dignitary from some little place in eastern Europe and he has had daily meetings at the UN for four straight days. Some of the stories he has told me - talking shit about the other delegations. Sometimes I can’t wait to get home and tell Danielle.

The money is good too, but it can be a bit boring just waiting around for some rich guy’s day to end. So, today I bought a notebook at a bodega, and I thought I might do some writing while I wait. Plus, yesterday I was so angry. I can't even remember today why! So, today, I am starting a journal. I hear some interesting stuff, and I don’t forget anything important. It might make a good story one day!

Until next time…how DO you end one of these?