Miracle

People often said love happens when you fall in love with someone, and you want to spend your entire life with them. But for me, love is when you told yourself, your partner isn’t perfect, they have flaws, and you accept them as who they are. You believe in them and help them to climb up the mountain of challenges awaiting ahead of them.

Tup!

Close my laptop and walk towards the sliding door. The sunset looks so beautiful. The mix of the colour of orange and blue skies makes them exceptionally mesmerizing. Look down and see my fluffy cat still sleeping. With her weird position. Sometimes I did wonder if Dianne is a cat or some other creature. I did have a hamster at my house too but instead of her chasing the hamster, the hamster is the one who chased her. Dianne will run and keep crying.

Remind me of the past. I smiled. I did chase someone too. Someone who does not belong to me. Travelling 6575 miles just to see someone who chooses to leave. I never regret knowing him. Not even once. Because knowing him makes me know lots of people and at the same time I get a foster parent who really cares and loves me like their own.

 People often ask if you could turn back the time. What are you going to do? For me? No. I won’t look back. I will never try to adjust my past because adjusting them will just waste my time. I will just keep moving ahead and do better in life. That’s how I will be able to compensate for the time that I am losing in the past.

Meow! Meow! Meow!

Dianne awakes and stretches her body. I wonder how good it would be being a cat. You just need to sleep, wake, and eat, pretend like you are playing with the fake toys, have a happy time and puff! Here you go, someone cleans it for you. She gets up and walks towards her cat litter container.

I was looking at her doing her business and once she was done, she stood beside her food container and kick it slowly whiles looking at me.

“Yes Dianne, I as your mere humble servant will work on your order. Wet food will be served in a second.”

Meow! She waves her tail with excitement and licks her paws.

Lonely. That’s what I often describe myself at. More polite ways a lone ranger girl. Who’s good in hiding her pain and sorrow in life and good in changing a mask so that people won’t know she is holding a great pain inside her soul and life.

I used to have someone that I think is so dearest to me. With whom I can share everything and laugh together. But he decides to give up on me because of the distance. Yes, the distance that separated both of us thousand miles away. From that moment, the meaning of love seems to disappear from my life dictionary.

After dad passed away, I thought enough is enough. I am out of any man game. Hate being left because of unacceptable reasons. I start focusing on myself and my career development. Because I know the only prince that remains to love me for his entire life just my dad. He might no longer be here but he is up there watching me from afar.

Dad, I love you. Keep watching me from afar but don’t suddenly appear in front of me with a scary face or nag me in my dream.

Ding! Dong!

“Hold on the second! Alex, can you get the package, please. “I shouted.

“I’m in a shower honey!” Seem like I need to get it on my own. Sorry delivery boy. Hope I won't scare him to death with this mask on.

Quickly run to the door and peep through the peepholes. Parcel delivery. Weird. I didn’t order anything. Mumble to me and quickly open the door. Trying not to let the delivery boy wait for too long.

“This is a parcel for Miss Ja…arghhh!!!” The delivery boy was shocked and step aback.

“Haha, I’m sorry, I was in the middle of doing my skincare routine. Sorry that I surprise you a little bit. Want me to collect the soul you just drop from the shock?” Trying to come out with a joke. 

“It’s okay miss. I collect it myself.” He pretends like he is collecting his own soul that just drops on the floor. Nice. He is playing along.

“Put your signature here miss and here you go. But it’s quite heavy. Are you okay with it?”

“Yes, yes, I am fine.” Deep inside my heart, I am good with lifting away the feelings too.

 He gives me the parcel and walks toward his van.

“Thanks, and sorry!” I shouted and closed the door. He waves goodbye.

Grab the small knife on the dining table and cut through the parcel.

An engraving machine! Finally, I got this. I almost forgot it because it’s a pre-order item in my shopping cart. Women problem. They often forget what they always bought so end up piling up the entire house with their order. I remember when I move into a new house last month. The helpers ask my friend if she lived alone or with ten people? Seem like she brings her entire family with her. My friend just laughed and explained how my passion towards cooking is incredibly amazing.

Start my small business three months ago. Turn my baking and cooking passion towards something profitable. Something that keeps me moving forward and heading towards my life goal. And of course, for the sake of Dianne wet foods.

Turned around to see Dianne licking her paws and body before she starts walking towards me and lay down beside me.

“Look at this Dianne! I’ve got my engraving machine. So, I can engrave lots of things with this. Seem like I’m going to start the engraving business as well. This humble servant will work hard for your wet food okay.” I kissed Dianne’s forehead and she stretch her body again. Not sure how many rounds she has been sleeping today.

I used to have a minor depression after what he had done. Life feels so gloomy and so empty. Back and forth to the hospital for the sake of medicine. Losing my 10kg because I didn’t eat and kept crying. Blaming myself for those five years journey of loving him. At that moment, torturing myself is the only way I can think about. Ending my life precisely yes. Because I feel like life is so unfair and I hate living in this cruel world.

But something I often told myself. Again, and again. A miracle can happen. Yes, it does happen when you try your best and not giving up so easily. That’s why I am trying my best to forget what happens and start searching for a better goal. And here I am, standing with great positivism around me and with someone I love the most.

“Honey! What have you been doing? Hurry up, my love. Sunset isn’t waiting for us. Here’s your ice cream. I put some for you. With a drizzle of caramel sauce on top of it. Yummy!” Alex hand me a cone of vanilla ice cream.

I smiled.

“Did you buy the machine for me, Alex? I look through my shopping cart, but it wasn’t there. Seem like I remove it a long time ago.” I was licking the ice cream while looking at the mesmerising sunset views from the house balcony.

“Honey! Let’s watch the sunset together. Don’t watch it alone without me. “said Alex while hugging me from behind and pretending to take my caramel vanilla ice- cream. He doesn’t answer my question.

“You aren’t getting some until you answer my question.” Tried to pull away the ice- cream from him.

He remains silent and tried to lick some of my ice- cream.

“Hey! You got some on your nose, my dear. That’s why you shouldn’t try to take my ice- cream.” I try to wipe away a bit of ice cream on his nose.

“Aha, no, no, no. Not using your finger my love. But with some other things.” He put both of his palms on his face and bring them close to my face.

I kissed his lips and wipe his nose with my finger.

“I am going to sulk but since I get a kiss then sulking has been forfeited.” He hugs me closer.

“But the answer to your question earlier, yes. I know you want it for so long, so I reach out to my friend and get them delivered to you. Plus, I want it to get delivered today. It's the 20th today. Don’t you remember today's date?” He raised his eyebrow and narrow down his eyes.

I laughed. “Thanks, honey! I love you. Alex, you know something. You just like caramel on my ice cream.”

“Is it because I’m such a sweet guy? “He asks out of curiosity.

“Probably yes. But not only that. It includes your attitude too. Tough and thick like how’s the caramel looks. But lots of sweetness. My life is just like vanilla ice cream, empty and plain. But when you are around. My life become more wonderful, and it feels so bright and great. If I can taste my own life, I probably get diabetes because of you then.”

“Ah! Then I’m going to stop being sweet. I’m going to be salty then.” He said while turning me around to face him.

“Huh? But why salty?”

“Because when I’m being sweet, you get diabetes. So, I will make it balanced by making you get a heart attack from eating too much salt.” He laughed and tried to run away before I pinch his arm.

Dear someone who used to be in my life. I am grateful for the moment we spent together but I am more grateful for the pain you left behind. Because the pain you gave me is the strength that I have right now to move ahead and show the world I am moving on. Let’s engrave the pain and move ahead towards each other goal.