Grounded

The thing about working late nights is that every sound you hear is either made up or something to be investigated in the morning. It’s the rule that keeps your life from turning into a horror movie. So, that is why I couldn’t understand why I would willingly leave my desk and go to my window. I heard the knock a couple of times, ignored it because it might have been my mind playing tricks on me at two in the morning but when it came again, and again and a third time I couldn’t dampen my curiosity any longer.

I was fully aware that this might end badly. Like, I could be letting a murder in and you could tell me that murder’s never knocked but seasons upon seasons of crime shows has proven me wrong hundreds of times. So, in retrospect I should have stayed at my desk. I should have finished the project that I had been working months on to complete but truth be told, I needed a break. Granted, I didn’t think it would come by the constant assaulting of my extra thick glass window I had installed a couple of months ago. I was thinking more Oreo’s and warm milk but really, beggars can’t be choosers and right around that time my whole body was begging not to be a slave to my perseverance anymore.

The only thing that stood in my way was a couple of steps across the room and heavy black curtains that did wonders to block out sunlight. The thought had crossed my mind that I wasn’t all that protected but the window was closed, I knew that much and it would only take a loud scream to have my brother barreling in my room like a kid hyped up on candy. That was if he wasn’t too invested in the new video game he had just picked up that afternoon. So, with that in mind I did what every single female protagonist did in the movies. I opened the curtains when it should have stayed closed. Trust me, I should have chalked up that knock to sleep deprivation and just went to bed.

No, it wasn’t a murder on the other side of the window. Instead it was my scatter brained best friend dressed in what I could only describe as a distressed house wife of the eightieth century. She was clinging to the end of a ladder, her hand raised, ready to knock once again before her eyes met mine and one of those big crazy smiles crossed her face. I stood very still, you know, like one does when coming face to face with a rhino? The only problem was that she had excellent vision and I couldn’t run to save my life, not even in zigzag patterns.

She smiled, I smiled. She pointed to the latch on the window and I contemplated fainting so I didn’t have to let her in. At this point of the story I should add a disclaimer. I love her, really I do but the amount of times I’ve gotten into trouble because of her half-baked ideas…let’s just say the principal offered to pay me if I kept her out of detention back in high school. She knocked again, five fast knuckle beatings to the glass and even as I was opening the latch my brain was shouting at me about this spectacularly bad idea.

“Thank you, I thought I was going to have to go home like this.” She says as she pushes the window open even further. “Stand back.” An order I’ve come to learned should be obeyed at all cost when in close range to her. Half of her body came through the window before she became stuck and I could only hope no one was driving by here this late at night. “Well, help me.” I took her arms and pulled, fell back when she finally came through and landed on my back, with her and what felt like a pound of fabric on top of me.

“Do I even want to know?” The question came out wheezy as she was still rested on my diaphragm with her large dress and crazy big smile.

“I don’t have time to explain. Do you still have your leather jacket; you know the one with the embodied flowers?” She used my chest as aid to lift herself off and then stepped over me in a mission to get to my closet. When I was finally free of her I spit out the feathers that had landed in my mouth and carefully lifted myself to my elbows. I wasn’t going to risk standing up, just in case I might end up on the floor again.

“Why on earth would you need a leather jacket?” I eyed the big poufy ball gown she was wearing, wondering if all of the feathers, tool and sequence were meant to go together like that. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that the red, brown, purple, camouflage and yellow also really didn’t help the dress look any better but that was the least of my problems now. I had to find a way to get her out and right now the jacket seemed like the ticket to do that. “You know what? Never mind, right corner.” I told her, finally risking leaving the floor and tucking myself in the corner next to my desk.

“Great, I’m going to need you to put it on, ooh, these too.” She rambles as the jacket and a pair of my ripped jeans falls on my bed. She also throws a flowery pink scarf and somehow she finds the purple cowboy hat I bought for a party too, along with red winter gloves that I forgot I owned. In my shock all I can do is stare at her because honestly this is the last thing I wanted to happen tonight, or ever. “Come, on. We’re going to be late.” She claps her hands together, comes over to drag me out of my corner and pushes the jeans to my chest. “Get dressed.”

“How about, no?” Her eyes widen and I only now notice the crazy length of her eyelashes and the heavy eyeliner framing her eyes. “What is this even?” She gets this look on her face, like she really doesn’t have time for me to be difficult right now but these past five minutes has already been weirder than I would like my Friday night, or Saturday morning to be.

“Come on, Mario is having a party and I really need us to go.” I look her up and down and then at the clothes she picked out for me.

“Okay and to do that we have to dress like this?” She nods, her head bopping up and down a little too fast for my liking but then she suddenly stops and forces the jeans in my hands. I stare at her, trying to make sense of everything that’s going on around me because even if I’ve been awake for more than twenty four hours I know that I haven’t gone insane just yet. “Sam?” She hums in response, her eyes shifting around the room before they finally settle on me.

“Get dressed.” There’s something urgent in her eyes and I can feel my heart breaking as I stare at the twenty one year old woman in front of me. It doesn’t take me long to change and when I’m done she’s added miss-matched shoes and socks to my look and found pineapple glasses for me to wear.

“Who’s Mario?” I ask as she applies white powder all over my face.

“What?”

“Mario? You said he was having a party?” I clarify and she shakes her head.

“No, the queen is hosting a ball. You really should listen better.” She mutters, adding a shade of pink somewhere to my face before stepping back and giving me a huge smile. “There, now we can go. You can drive.” She leaves the room in a flurry and when I’m alone I take a few deep breaths before following behind her. In the kitchen I leave a note to my brother and then I find myself driving down the street, Sam in the backseat because her dress didn’t fit in the front.

“Where are we off too?” In the rearview I can see her fiddling with her dress and I wonder how long this episode is going to last.

“I programed the GPS.” She informs me. I turn it on but there’s no destination set so I decide to drive through the neighborhood before stopping at the park. “Oh, good, we’re here. The pick nick basket is in the trunk.” She claps her hands before opening the door and rushing out. I watch her walk towards the wings where she forces the dress to fold and sits down. She swings back and forth for a while, a huge smile on her face before I decide to join her. When I’m standing in front of her she looks up with me, eyes shining and as if a switch is flicked her smile starts to disappear.

“Sam?” Her smile is gone now, eyes slightly vacant as she takes in my appearance. “Sam?”

“You look like a mess.” She finally answers before looking down at herself. “How long?”

“I don’t know. You’ve only been with me for the past two hours. You came through the window looking like that.” She nods her head slowly before getting up from the swing and walking to the bench close by.

“It’s scary, you know?” She whispers when I finally join her. “I’m there and then I’m not. I never know when they’re going to show up and when I’m finally me again there’s these huge chunks of time that I can’t account for but somehow I’m still feel responsible for it.” I feel like crying, but that won’t do any of us good right now.

“It’s not your fault. You know that right?” She pulls up her shoulders and throws her hands in the air. “It’s not. You know that.” She gives me a soft smile. A Sam smile and it strikes me that these are the moments I live for. When she’s herself again and I can remind her that she’s not the freak she thinks she is.

“My mom wants to send me away. The treatment is clearly not working and she’s afraid I might hurt myself. Or, someone else, I guess.”

“You’d never hurt someone else. You’re not like that.” I tell her but the look in her eyes tells me she’s already convinced herself she’s a monster.

“You don’t know that. This could be my last sane moment I’ll ever have and you wouldn’t know. Jeez, I’m twenty one. I’m supposed to be finishing school and finding work and doing all those things that make you a grown up but here I am forcing my best friend to dress up like some dysfunctional cowboy at crazy hours of the morning and being ruled by personalities that just show up when they want to. You’re not supposed to be living like this either. You won’t even move out of your childhood home in case I need to find you.” There’s anger in her voice and as much as I want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay we both know that’s a lie.

“You know what I love the most about being your friend?” She shakes her head and I don’t miss the look in her eyes that tells me she thinks I’m being insane. “It’s the fact that no matter how out of touch you think you are, you keep me grounded.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” I shake my head and take her hand in mine.

“It does because no matter who you are, you teach me to love in all my capacities. It doesn’t matter if you’re Trinket, Lola, Glitter or just plain old Sam. You’re always there to teach me new ways to have fun and you’re like a ray of sunshine to brighten any bad day anyone might have. We love you, Sam. Not because we have no choice but because we choose too. You keep us grounded because there’s nothing better than seeing you fly.” I can’t keep the tears from my face as I say this.

“You’re such a sad sack. You can’t be sad at a party.” She nudges my arm and when I look into her eyes again I know I’ve lost her.

“You’re right, we can’t.” I blink a few times before getting up and dragging her with me. Back at the car I turn the radio on and turn it up as loud as I can at five in the morning before starting to dance. Her laugh is filled with delight as she joins me. She finally declares the party has ended when the sun starts to come up and demands to be taken home. When I pull into her driveway her mother rushes out of the house and comes to help her out of the car.

“Thank you. I’ll call you later, you must be exhausted.” I only nod and give her a smile, watching as she helps my best friend into the house. Back home I close my window before taking a long shower and falling into bed. As I drift off to sleep I find myself being happy I didn’t ignore the knock because if there was a reality where I was forced to live my life without it, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am.