No Pressure

 This story briefly talks about euthanasia.

"You can't always do peanut butter cookies, Charly! This is for the holiday cookie exchange. The cookies should be festive and creatively decorated," Mary instructed.

"Making six dozen cookies is exhausting. It takes me all weekend. I am not about to stand all day in my kitchen rolling out cookies, cutting them, baking, and icing or decorating with sugar sprinkles. It's too much. Bar cookies are what I will make, or little ball cookies in powdered sugar. Take it or leave it! YOU can be Martha Stewart!" Charly snapped.

"What a mean thing to say, Charly. I'm insulted."

Charly interrupted her. “Well, sorry, but you do act like Martha Stewart and are fully aware you do it. You have a nanny for your kids and don't work outside the home. I work forty hours, am not home until five thirty at night, and have to make dinner and assist with homework. I don't want to participate in baking six dozen cookies this year for your cookie exchange. It's for the best, I think. Since it's only April, you have lots of time to replace me."

Mary sat staring at her, mouth agape. "Charly, come on. This isn't right! I want you to participate. I simply suggested we do a few new cookies, that's all. You have tons of recipes, and I have cookie recipe books I can loan."

"No, thank you, Mary, I don't want to borrow your cookbooks. I've got to go, Mary. I'll call you later."

After dinner, the kids tucked into bed, Charly groused to her husband, Pete, about Mary's ignorant behavior. He listened intently, one of the many things she loved about him.

"Six dozen cookies for each person is too many, but none of these women will agree to cut it down or add more bakers."

“Sounds like you have a dilemma."

"No, Mary owns this dilemma. She can take what I offered or find someone else to join her damned cookie exchange.”

On her way to work the next day, Charly remembered she said she would call Mary. "I'm not calling her today; she can wait or call me," she mumbled aloud. 

***

"Hi, Babe. Tell me about your day." Pete hugged his wife. "I've got some chicken grilling.

Over dinner, Charly brought up the conversation about the cookies again. "I'm so annoyed, Pete. We were friends for years, but I've been a better friend than Mary. Thinking back, I realize we always drove to visit them when they lived only an hour and a half away. They never came here. When they moved to Florida, we didn't hear from them for years! Suddenly, three years ago, they came back, and she acted so excited to hang out with us. She and I were both ecstatic to be so close again. But she made me so mad, I told her she could find the time for the cookie exchange because she doesn't work. For all we know, her nanny bakes her cookies!"

"That's hilarious, Hon; you aren't a bit jealous of their money and her nanny?"

"Are you kidding?" She laughed aloud. "Her demands stress me out. It’s a constant litany of 'let's go to this. Let’s hike this trail…THEN we must go further because it's good exercise. No matter how far I go on a trail, it's never far enough for her."

"Do you want to talk to her about all of it?"

"No. I don't believe she would sincerely listen to me; she would be defensive and make it my fault. I want to know if she is going to tell me she found someone to take my place in the cookie exchange."

Pete shrugged and winked at his wife, and went out back.

On their Canasta night, Ginny queried Charly about the situation with Mary.

"We haven't spoken. I'm not going to call her. I told Pete how pissed I am about a lot of things in the past. I want easy friendships. There's too much conflict at work and in raising the kids. I want my girlfriends to have my back, not be criticizing me. It’s okay if a friend nudges me when I'm off the rails. Right now, I see these old annoyances as individual line items in my head."

"Oh dear. Give me an example," Ginny replied.

“Pete and I always drove hours to visit them at their house, while they never made the effort to come to ours. We enjoyed the drives but would have loved to know they would make the effort for us. Honestly, the fact they ignored us for years while living in Florida and then instantly reached out when they decided to move back is astonishing."

"It’s horrible they didn't communicate and are oblivious to how you feel. I guess you need to talk to her about it."

"I'm not going to waste my breath. Thinking about a discussion with her stresses me out. She will turn it all around on me. I don’t want to argue! We didn't hear from them while they lived in Florida, and we sent birthday and Christmas cards. We only got a card if she decided to do a Christmas letter bragging about their life. The letter would detail everything involving the kids and in-depth accounts of their vacations. Finally, they decided to move back, and their letter that Christmas outlined all of Terry's big plans for his oral surgery dental practice."

"She never called and asked about you?"

"No, but she called immediately when they were moving back. Until then, nothing. I was happy to hear she was coming back and forgot about how it felt to be ignored. They had busy lives, like us. We were occupied with our kids and trying to make time for social activities with various friends, including them, so we didn't realize the depth of their self-immersion. I am tired of trying to figure out people or their reasons. I've come to realize she wants everything only on her terms. Terry does whatever she says, and now I know he went along with her rather than argue."

"The cookie exchange incident brought all of this up? Seems it’s been festering, my friend! Let's put it on the back burner for now and beat those guys in Canasta, shall we? Grab the bowl of pretzels. Hey, what do you men want to drink while we play?" she shouted.

A month passed, and there had been no communication between Charly and Mary. Relaxing with a cup of coffee in her backyard while the kids swam at the YMCA with Pete, she realized her stress level was significantly lower. She especially didn't miss all the text messages to do a Meetup somewhere or all the round-robin dinners hosting numerous people, Mary's specialty. Charly found the large parties exhausting and resented Mary's hints Charly should host next.

Her life had gotten quieter and more relaxed. Charly took quiet strolls in the woods and made time for stretching and daily meditations.

Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. "Hi, Merle. No, I'm home alone for once, enjoying the yard. What's up?" She listened intently, her hand on her chest over her heart. She noticed immediately her heart was racing.

Charly felt her pulse racing as her stomach cramped. "Merle, I don't think we can. You realize how hard it was on us. Yes, I will think about it. You sound like this is urgent on your end, but I need time to consider it, and I don’t want you pressuring me. I will call you, okay?"

Of course, the phone conversation stressed her out. After ending the call, she noticed her coffee cup was empty but didn't remember drinking it. 

Stretching her arms slowly over her head and then to the ground, she repeated, "No pressure. No pressure," breathing deeply and slowly to calm her racing heart, repeating the movements until she felt relief.

***

Mary didn't get a call from Charly and, after being insulted, didn't have any inclination to call her. When she moved back three years ago, she immediately thought a cookie exchange would help her meet people. Getting friendly enough to broach the subject to neighbors took her six months. Certainly, Charly would participate because of their long friendship. Her plan needed at least five people baking six dozen each. Each participant would have a lovely, tiered cookie display during the holiday. She successfully did this in Cocoa Beach, Florida, with a magazine write-up.

She ranted for days to Terry about how rude Charly was to her. Terry quietly listened; he didn't make light of or disagree with anything his wife said. Their agreed-upon arrangement throughout their twelve-year marriage worked well for them - he made the money, and she played hostess. Anything she wanted, whether new furniture, a remodel, or a luxury trip, he managed to make it come true.

Mary took a pot of tea and her House Beautiful magazine and relaxed in the sunroom. The dainty Limoges caught her eye on their last trip to France, so she hand-carried it back. The tea set became a prized possession, but she wouldn't keep it locked away. She used the expensive things she bought!

I still don't understand what I did to make her so mad. Peanut butter cookies for Christmas – the least she might do would be to dip them into chocolate and make them fancy. Well, I'm not going to kiss her ass.

Mary called Janet.

"Janet, I'm planning the cookie exchange for this year. I wanted to give you a heads-up and make sure you are participating. What? No, please, you have to be a part of it. Why can't you?" Mary listened intently until Janet disconnected, leaving Mary puzzled, phone in her hand.

She dialed another acquaintance. “Hi Sue, how's it going? I’m calling because I want to start planning this year's cookie exchange. Can I count you in? Great! When I round everyone up, we can have an appetizer get-together to discuss the details. At your place? Sure, if you want to host, it would be great. We can talk later about when. Thanks much, bye."

***

Pete arrived home after his tennis game to find the kids asleep. After kissing Charly, he cleaned up and joined her in the kitchen. She heated food for him, and they talked while he ate.

"How did the tennis game go?"

"I beat Jake, first time ever. Super hard game, though, and my wrist is throbbing. I iced it before coming home, but I'll need some of the pain cream. What about your day, Beautiful?"

She always smiled when he called her Beautiful. She didn't consider herself beautiful but liked that he thought she was. "Work was tough today, all day meetings, back-to-back. My head is still pounding, and I need to go in early tomorrow. We have to finalize these documents by next Wednesday. On a different subject – Merle called."

"Oh no. Wait, you told her no, right?" He pulled her chin up with his index finger so her eyes met his. “Charly, you must not agree again. It is too stressful. You should have said no immediately!" He looked hard at his wife, head tilted. “It is so hard on you - on us." He pulled her into his arms.

"Pete, I knew you would say that. I do remember the heartache, but there was joy. I told her I wouldn't be pressured and would think it over. I'm not rushing into anything.

"Dammit, Charly, I am at a loss for words. This should be a closed subject!" He stomped out of the kitchen, with Charly sitting and staring at his barely touched dinner. His truck engine started, and Pete drove away.

*** 

Ginny popped in soon after. They gossiped about neighbors, teachers, and politics, and finally, they began talking about the cookie exchange.

"So, you are doing the exchange, right?" Charly asked Ginny.

"I'm thinking about it; I haven't decided. I feel loyal to you, not Mary."

"Oh, you like it; don't opt out to please me. I wouldn't be mad or anything."

"It's not you being mad making me hesitate. It's all the things you told me. I began remembering times of her being so pushy toward me. I don't like it either."

"Yeah, but it didn't bother you until I mentioned it."

"That's the thing – it did bother me; I couldn't identify what made me grumpy until you called her pushy and bossy. Suddenly, bam! It hit me! She acts like my step-mom, who is nasty and horrid - prim and proper Betty, so proud of her expensive possessions. The table must be set perfectly, with a charger plate under the dinner plate. Who uses chargers? Show-offs, that's who, like Mary. I tell ya, mean Betty would throw out a slightly imperfect cookie I rolled and cut into a star. She did the same with my favorite toy that my dog chewed. The toy still worked, but she threw it away because it of a few teeth marks on it." 

Charly reached out and squeezed her friend's hand.

"I couldn't get away from being made to spend summers there fast enough. I moved out of my mom's at seventeen, telling her I would not spend any more time around Betty. Dad wouldn't discuss Betty's behavior with Mom. 

“Ginny, it bothers me you didn't tell me any of this. I'm sorry, it sounds horrid. What a mean step-mom!"

***

Ginny ran into Janet at the coffee stand on Saturday. "Can you believe it? I told the Queen of the neighborhood no," she exclaimed to Ginny.

"What do you mean?" Ginny asked.

"Mary. I told her I wouldn't do the cookie exchange this year. She came across as so bossy last year I figured she didn't need my help. She can figure out for herself all the things I made happen. I'm sick of making perfect little Christmas cookies – and six dozen! Way too many. She should have more people in the damned exchange, so we don't have to make, bake and decorate so many."

"Oh my god, that is priceless! I told her the same thing, and she said she wanted only the people she could count on absolutely, and they also must be perfectionists in their cookie-making. She created a chart of cookies, and the first time, she assigned Charly and me to bake certain ones.

"Holy cow. Now I’m even more glad I said no."

"Well, you aren't the only one. Charly and she argued about it, and they haven't spoken since. I don't think she is going to participate this year, and maybe never again. I'm considering dropping out, too."

***

Charly worked on the email for over an hour, then made dinner. After eating, she returned to review the communication, tweaked it, and sent it.

"Charly! Our show is on. Are you going to come watch it with me?"

Charly plopped onto the couch next to Pete.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

“I needed to send an email."

"Oh, oh. To Mary?"

She nodded.

"Well, I hope it’s received well." He hugged her.

"Probably won't be. I signed it as Charly Peanut Butter Cookie." She giggled, and Terry shook his head at her sly doings. 

***

Merle ran an animal rescue organization dependent on volunteers to care for the pets until Merle found a permanent home. Medical conditions and the elderly required their foster parents to be involved in many decisions, including those on euthanizing them. The fosters called it Crossing the Rainbow Bridge. All the programs in Merle's Rescue needed long-term commitments of housing and time.

Charly created a shrine on her bookcase showcasing former foster pets, their faces painted on stones, and cremation ashes in boxes from others.

Insulin injections, specialized diets with charts of meds and meals, trips to the vet, and timed medications required attention to detail and the ability to follow exact instructions. It could be highly stressful.

Painful memories of choosing to be in the room as the vet administered sedation first, followed by a lethal dose, to release her foster pet from pain - over the Rainbow Bridge - haunted her. Her heart had cracked over and over and over until she finally didn't know if it could pump her blood.

"Hi, Merle, it's Charly. I’m calling to tell you our decision."