The Man Who Married Himself
By JOY DEEP SAHA
‘why not? ‘
With these two words, my good friend Pastor Zataga changed the trajectory of my life; when he told me, he had just talked to Bishop Fleming for two hours on the phone and discussed the Bible in great detail. Chapters. Leviticus warns Christians not to marry their sisters, aunts, mothers, mothers-in-law, daughters, or even granddaughters (just in case). But in a good book, there is no objection to the marriage. So when I told Pastor Zatarga what I wanted to do, he finally recognized these two deadly words:
Of course, the Bible also refuses to prohibit anyone from marrying a great-grandmother, a dining table, or a domestic fish. . I won’t be surprised to learn that Bishop Fleming married his beloved French Poodle. Or his blanket. I slept with him for many years. In any case, after persuading the kind pastor to let me marry the man of my dreams, I had to convince my parents. I have to say that between an international religion that has been firmly rooted for two thousand years and my humble parents, my parents are even more challenging to convince.
My mother won’t be serious at first. Well, few people take it seriously, but he needs you to know what he means. She kept asking me stupid things, such as “Why get married, can you live with yourself?” or “What would you wear to the wedding?”
Unfortunately, this made my father crazy. He seemed confident, even though it was closest to the big buttons on a computer keyboard. When asked who he allegedly had sex with, he usually pauses for a dramatic effect and then drives himself crazy. “Looking at you, she screamed: “I am!”
I hope I can believe that my best friends sympathize with my career, but I think they are all joking. They supported me very much, but they lingered for a while after the wedding. Laughed at me for a long time. Some of the wedding gifts I got from them were very embarrassing: pornographic magazines, silk gloves, and even the mirror on the ceiling. They disappointed me because when Pastor Zatarga recites the wedding, I did not restrain my joy. Commitment: “Can you maintain your identity as a husband so that you can live in a marriage-like person? You will love and comfort yourself, obey and respect yourself in disease and health, and be loyal to yourself all your life?” Swear one of my friends laughed.
I spent a wonderful honeymoon in Las Vegas, I was exhausted from all my savings, and no one scolded me how much money he spent the night after the ceremony; he had a penthouse in Luxor Hotel. .....
When I got married, of course, I had many reasons, except for tax incentives (although letting the tax inspector understand that I am my own spouse is hell).
The kind pastor explained that if I have been separated from my spouse for at least a year, I can get a divorce. It will be difficult if I don't have major surgery or if my spouse abuses me or is imprisoned for at least one year. I don't want to punish myself or hang out in jail for divorce. This leaves me with only one choice: adultery. I just need to have sex with someone other than me; a standard human gender, heterosexual, can break free from the bondage of marriage.
So I took off my wedding ring reluctantly and started looking for a partner; my friend was cruel and said I would go to avoid blindness; when I told her that my relationship with me was about to end, I thought my mother was relieved. My father paused dramatically, looked at me with his crazy eyes, and shouted, "Me!" Maybe he really is in another world.
I was hoping it would take a long time to find someone willing to sleep with me and not read the papers enough to know I was already married, but I soon found a simple Malaysian girl who was relatively was easy to understand. Seducing sex has been quite disappointing, to be honest.
It seems that she knows almost nothing about the charm of men. At this point, I am a true expert myself. I don't think it will do her any good. He has no experience pleasing fairness.
After , divorce is easy. The church seemed to want to break me up as if my marriage was a big mistake. In the months after the breakup, I felt very lonely. At least the local psychiatrist (specializing in multiple personality disorders) no longer sends me his damn business cards every week.
It took me nearly ten years to find a suitable wife who didn't expect the three of them to get married. Most of the time, he hoped that the media would forget the man who married him. I wrote an autobiography of the same name. This book records my marriage with me in detail, including the ups and downs of living together, how I deal with criticisms of myself and my husband, and some personal information in my life. I think these parts made this book a real hit when it was published a few years later. People are just curious about the consequences of this unusual marriage. I think this caused people to believe. They will ask themselves: "Is it easy to live with me?"If you must live with me, will you? Everyone stopped looking for their master or theirlittle Miss Wright for a moment, wondering if they could be someone's good wife.
I have not heard of the imitation marriage with myself. This may mean that the media has lost interest, or the church has decided not to allow it. Anyway, it's over. My wife and I just moved into a new home. Big enough to hold our newborn son. I am delighted now. In fact, I can't erase the smile on my face now. You see, our nearest neighbor is Bishop Fleming and his lovely wife, the French Poodle.