Always Here

Looking back, I suppose Theo had always been there for me; when I lost my first tooth, when I had my first kiss, when I had my first heartbreak. He'd never given up on me, even when he probably should have. But that was the thing about Theo Carter. He never gave up on you, even if you gave up on yourself.

Theo and I had grown up together, the cliché story of mums being pregnant at the same time, Theo being older than me by 2 weeks, our bond being incredibly close. And of course, the cliché that exists in almost every love story ever created. The girl being completely oblivious to the boy's obvious attraction to them.

I was 14 years old when I first developed feelings for Theo, and how couldn't I? Fluffy blondeish-brown hair, piercing blue eyes, freckles scattered like stardust on his cheeks. He was like a Disney prince. Charming, loyal, brave and loving.

I had panicked, and I quickly got together with another boy in my class, a scrawny kid with chestnut hair and wonky glasses - Richie, I think his name was.

Any other person would've seen Theo's burning, raging jealousy from miles away, but I had been so completely ignorant that it took him screaming his love for me on mine and Richie's 1 year anniversary for me to finally notice his feelings for me.

That night ended in disaster, Richie and I broke up- I broke the kid's heart, and my friends told me he was never the same again. Theo was so mad at me that he didn't speak to me for a week. Well, maybe the anger wasn't entirely at me, but I certainly had it projected onto me.

I came home to my mum in a dirty dress, frizzy hair and mascara running down my cheeks. She had been completely unaware of mine and Richie's relationship; I wasn't supposed to date until I was 16. That night I suffered a two month grounding and a broken heart. I went to bed in my Friends pyjamas and teary eyes.

It took a week of chasing after Theo and desperate attempts for him to listen to me - including me standing up on a table in the cafeteria and yelling at him, though that only got me a detention and Theo had left the room as soon as he'd seen me get on the table. It was only when I finally broke down crying in front of him that he faltered and when he kneeled beside me and hugged me, I knew I was forgiven.

We got together about a month later, both of us too shy to say anything about our knowledge of each other's crush. I know I was simply nervous about how to tell him my feelings for him. We'd been best friends for my entire life, what was I supposed to say? It was Theo who finally gave in and awkwardly admitted his feelings for me before tutor on a crisp, frosty Tuesday morning in the middle of January.

I don't remember much, I just remember crying and saying yes. We had our first kiss that day. An awkward mesh of smiling and teeth clashing.

Our first date was.. interesting, to say the least. Theo had been so anxious that he changed outfits 5 times before settling on a white shirt, brown jumper and beige pants that all brought out the bright azure blue of his eyes. I remember wearing a slim white skater dress with golden strappy heels, with my hair in a high ponytail and a simple makeup look.

He'd collected me at my house because despite my mother's previous rule of no dating until I'm 16, she was willing to make an exception for Theo.

We went to an Italian restaurant, and Theo made the mistake of ordering spaghetti meatballs. It ended up half eaten because we were too into the hysteria to eat. I had a pepperoni pizza that I ended up leaving untouched. The thrill of finally being on a date with Theo left me dizzy.

Theo ended up with sauce on his chin, which I remember wiping off at the end of the date. We were standing so close to each other that we slowly leaned in and enjoyed our first proper kiss.

A kiss that felt magical; us on the porch of my house, lit only by the stars in the midnight sky and the sounds of the last birds chirping and the owls hooting. I always remember the smell of honeysuckle when I think of that kiss.

When we finally pulled apart, we noticed my mother standing in the doorframe watching us and we bashful sprung apart. She only laughed and ushered me inside. I hugged Theo goodbye and entered the house. That was the night I knew I'd fallen in love.

We hadn't been dating long, but I think I'd loved him right from the start. When we were 9 years old and he made me a crown of daisies. When I put it on my head and he told me I looked like an angel. Whenever we saw daisies, Theo loved to remind me of that story because he liked seeing me blush and get flustered.

That's the magic of Theo. I've known him for 65 years now, and I still feel the same magical, fluttery feeling in my chest when I think of him.

It's in those small moments that I know we're destined for each other, those moments that remind me why I'm still here and why I'm so happy.

Because Theo is that for me. Theo is my sun, my moon and my stars. Theo Carter is my whole galaxy. And that's where he lives. I know he's found his place among the cosmos and he's watching down on me with a smile as I flit through the photo album consisting of our cherished memories.

Paige, Thomas and Carter still visit me, each with their own young ones now. Only Tessa and Nate, Carter's children, remember Theo; Thomas's daughter Layla is too young to remember Theo dancing with her in the living room to the sound of Ed Sheeran's Photograph.

Sometimes the pain Theo being gone hits me hard, but when I look into Thomas's eyes, I see those same bright blue eyes smiling back at me, and I know Theo is still here.

He always will be.