Luke Warm

    “So you are the infamous Luke Warm. Heard great things about you boy. Is it all hyperbole, or are you all they say you are? In my business I meet all kinds of people who wear only left shoes. Problem is you have to take them off at one time or another, and then you got…well let’s just say you can only hope you don’t have an odiferous demeanor, if you get my drift.”

    I knew from our initial spontaneous introduction that it was going to be, would be, far worse than suggested. Actually I believe they said, “could be far worse than you expect.” I had no idea what that meant. I can’t imagine it being worse, but then I only just met him. Not even sure who he is or what he wants from me. They don’t tell you much. 

    “Come over here and tell me a little about yourself. Your name for one thing, Luke Warm…quite a change from the norm, you’d have to admit. What were your parents thinking? Have you ever asked them why, how…all the usual questions having an unusual name invokes. 

     Most parents chose a name that will encourage their offspring to aspire to one or another form of greatness. Your name seems to do just the opposite. It does stand out though. That badge caught my eye right off.

 It is as if your parents were setting you up for failure, or if not outright failure, a mediocrity that would drive most to take what little future they had and throw it off the nearest bridge. 

     They must have told you something about your name. You must have asked? I’m just curious. A name like yours you’d expect to find in a novel or on a used car lot, but someone hoping to break into the entertainment business…I’ve got to tell you, if I were you I’d consider a new moniker. One with hope splashed all over it, like Rory, Clifton, a name that exudes action, power, virility; no what I mean?”

     I did know what he meant, but making up a name just to give the impression you are somebody you are not seems hypocritical, phony. I don’t know that I’d be able to live a lie. I know people do it all the time, but then I’m not all people. 

     I never did ask my parents about my name. Why they chose Luke, but I’m sure they had a reason. Perhaps they never considered my name in its totality. It is possible I was named after someone famous, like Luke Skywalker, or Coolhand. I’ve always liked the native American tradition of finding your name by going into the desert or frozen north land and having an experience with a spirit.  Receiving your name from a vision that appears to you when you are dying of sunstroke or frostbite. Certainly more romantic than just making up a name cause you think it has some alure. 

    I think you should like your name, and if you don’t, find reasons to change your mind. It’s not like I’m the only one who must find their name unusual. Take Abraham Guttenberg, the guard at the bank. I can only imagine the bouts he’s had with himself over his name. He was probably in sixth grade before he could even spell it. Molly Moffit, another name that although it jumps right out at you, must have been difficult to accept. She sat behind me in high school; had sniffles a lot.

    “Jessie James, now there’s a name you should consider. Or Robert Redford, there’s a name that gets your attention. A lot of those names you know are just too good to be for real. They are made up so they help a person get a leg up on the rest of the bunch. But it’s show Bizz; do what you got to do. 

    If I were you I’d stay away from names like Slippery, Pester, Allouishis, Beau, they are the kind of names that make you think of cartoons, funny papers. You don’t want to be associated with cartoons or funny papers.

    You know they got people who do nothing but make up names for people. All kinds of names are made up. Most films and books have names made up by people whose job it is to know what draws attention. You need to get in touch with some of those people. You need a professional. I can assure you it will be worth your while. Sure it might cost something, but it will be worth it. 

    Kit, that’s another name I’d stay away from. But those professional namers will help you with that. Stay put, I might have the number of one of those people in my desk. Be right back don’t run off now.”

    This guy’s name according to his badge is Alfonse Dithers. I can see why he’s so concerned about names, but you’d have thought by this time in his life he would have gotten over it. He’s got to be pushing sixty pretty hard. And he’s done alright for himself. Big time casting agency and all. And yet he carries on about names like his is Rock Hudson, which I’m sure is a made-up name. 

    I remember something about a rose by any other name is still a rose. Or did I just make that up to make myself feel better about this whole mess. I’m sorry I came now. I really thought I’d left all the juvenal nonsense behind in grade school. Once you get older people are either to concerned with political correctness, or they just don’t care, to worry about your name. I’m beginning to wonder if this is the right agency for me. If he gets this carried away with a simple thing like a name what will he do when we get to what I look like. Will I be condemned to plastic surgeons just to get an audition?

    “Ah, my boy. Couldn’t find the number, but found this book. It’s got all the baby names, popular ones from the eighties and nineties. And you know how everything that goes around comes around. Look here, Armon, right out of the box. Armon Warm? No that won’t work. Amile Warm? No too…too something.”

    “Will you excuse me a minute.” 

    I believe sometimes it is best to leave well enough alone. I was told to come in here because they were looking for extras and I looked like the kind of extra they were looking for. I had no idea they wanted me to be movie star. I didn’t know I wanted to be a movie star. I was on my way to the deli on the corner to get something for lunch. I work at the Wacaloosa DMV. No body there seems to care what my name is. I don’t think most people know my name or who I am, and I work there, or think I do.