He left

Things happen in threes, isn’t that what they say. I never gave much credit to the idea, much weight, everything had been so good before. I never needed to believe in luck, good, or bad. Now, I sought refuge in it. I never saw it coming, my first bout of bad luck. I thought we were happy, I truly did. I skipped around our beautiful kitchen, in my gym clothes, with my slick ponytail swishing perfectly behind my back. He went to work at the same time, got back at the same time, and we settled into our usual routine. Dinner, TV, and eventually…bed. I was good at the mechanics of that, he never had to work too hard. I wasn’t bored, it wasn’t mundane, it was everything I ever wanted. Having someone there, exactly when I needed it. I never had that before, and it took me so long to get it. Even as I look back, and think about him. If he was unhappy. I come up short. He smiled in all the right places, laughed, and he kissed me just the same as he usually did. I never felt his resistance, his dislike. What would I have done, if I did. Would I let him go? Thankfully, I never had to make that decision, he did it for me. I supposed he was the least he could do, after I did everything for him.

                The last time I saw him, was in the middle of the night. I remembered having too much wine, he’d been pouring freely with it. Watching me, as I sipped and sipped, until each take became faster and more indulgent. I never noticed then, him eyeing me, and planning away. Sitting with his arm around the back of the couch, me leaning into him with my legs tucked underneath and his thumb caressing up and down my shoulder. They were precise, each stroke. Was he timing them, did he count to three before he did it, until he felt me relax and grow pliant against him. It would’ve worked too, if it wasn’t for women’s intuition. Women’s intuition is something I think should be scientifically studied, there’s no way for anyone to properly measure how strong and adept it is. I nodded off on the couch. He shrugged me awake, with his big cracked hands and he led me upstairs. The blanket fell weighted against my tingling skin and the bed dipped. The last I thing I remember before I nodded off, was the light being pushed and clicked off. I woke up in a panic. Immediately, I felt for the space beside me, and found it empty. Women’s intuition woke me up, but I didn’t know why. Half-naked, and shivering, I stepped outside our room and looked downstairs. I went to call out, but I saw him. He had two suitcases in his hand, and he was looking around the room like he was checking to see if he forgot something. Me. That was what he was forgetting. Surprise clogged my throat. I watched, as he dropped his key on the table and walked out the door. He didn’t look back at our room. The car engine started, and I started walking down the steps. I was freezing, my teeth wanted to chatter, but I didn’t let them. I looked out the window and tried to catch the side of his face, what I did see in the red light, was a stern line on his mouth. He looked cold, something I’d never seen. I ripped open the door as he straightened, and shouted his name. The car ripped away on the gravel, and he sped out the drive, barely stopping for a second as he tore down the road. He loved driving, and he loved his car, I just never thought it was for this.

             I wish I could say, that I held strong. That I didn’t crumble because of a man, that I realised that life goes on, and you find better more important people. People who fit you, people who don’t smile in the right places, and look the way you imagined. They look like them, and feel like them. I didn’t. I fell apart, and there wasn’t much anyone could say to me to get me back on my feet. I did that for too long, and when I did pull myself back together, lady luck was there again. I’d been out, I hadn’t been out in so long, and actually enjoyed it. I had gotten sick of it earlier than most people. Strangers banging against you, music that was too loud, or wasn’t good enough. It was tiring, I always found it tiring.  My friend dragged me out, and plied me with enough alcohol to knock out a whole village. I remembered dancing, and men, and tongues places that I didn’t even want to think of, and then I spotted him. I was walking out of the nightclub, and he was walking down the street. Just walking, nothing special. Nothing hurried. He’d never suspect I’d be out, he always loved that about me. Said he loved how responsible I was, how I didn’t poison my body with alcohol like everybody else. Well the poison was certainly working it’s magic now, and it was coursing through me. Sweaty and cold, I followed him. I probably shouldn’t of. I didn’t make good decisions sober, and now, well I was asking for a disaster. My heels were too high and my legs were too long. I was catching my ankle and falling inwards, as I chased down the street after him. I was too slow, I realised at some point, so I took off my heels and held them, so I could run. The wind felt good as it ripped at my cheeks, fresh. He turned down one of the alleys, he must’ve parked his car near here, I could hear his keys jangling in his hand. For a moment, I stopped, what if he hurt me? He never had before, but I never thought he would just up and leave either. I shook away my suspect thoughts and moved into the alleyway, and that’s where things got a little fuzzy, and horrifying. I called out his name again, and this time he turned around. His smile dropped from his lips and he backed away from me, he looked scared, why would he be scared. I tried to stop him, but he fell down the curb and then scrambled back to his feet, he was breathing hard. We shouldn’t have walked down there so late at night. It was stupid. I didn’t see anyone coming, or hear anything, but all of a sudden, someone was grabbing him and they were hitting him. I froze, I was freezing. I watched as whatever they were holding, came down hard on the top of his head. His eyes that had been alight with fear, now seemed dazed. His eyelashes fluttered closed, like he was going to sleep. He always looked so good beside me, when he was a sleep. So handsome. The person struck once more, and all of sudden let go, falling back just as he had done. He crumbled. I’d never seen someone’s body hit the ground the way his did. I tried to catch him, but I moved too slow. Stones stuck into my knees, as I knelt beside him and pulled his head into my lap. It was wet, and now my hands were wet. He hadn’t moved, and I couldn’t bring myself to either. I stroked his wet hair, and tried to soothe him. He was going to be fine I told him, I kept telling him, not sure if he was listening. I heard a scream, it sounded like it came too late, and then running. Later, the cops and the ambulance came. I was pulled off of him, and they didn’t do it nicely. They yanked my arms off him, and pulled me to my feet with a jerk. I remembered thinking it was too rough, they were manhandling me. I told them I needed my heels, and they didn’t give them to me. They just led me away.

            Lady luck reared her ugly head one last time, when I was accused of murdering my beloved. All this bad luck was uncalled for, as if I had it in me to murder someone. Especially him. Someone I needed. The detective didn’t like me, he made that perfectly clear. He was tall and broad, and kicked out his leg too far under the table. He took up all the space. I wanted to slap at his arm and tell him to straighten. To stop slouching, and staring without saying anything. He put me on edge, all his bad manners. He smiled, smug and slow. I had enough. I went to pull my hands up, but the handcuffs slammed me back down. The noise was grating, and it hurt. He smiled again, this time it seemed genuine. I growled at him, I don’t think I’d ever growled before, all this stress wasn’t good for me. I needed to catch a break. He leaned forward, and opened a file. A file with pictures of him, with his head all broken apart. It was disgusting. It’d been so dark, I didn’t have to see all that, and now he was here waving it at me. I turned my head away and told him to close it, that it wasn’t good for me to see those things. That this was all just unfortunate. The detectives eyes darkened. They reminded me of a shark, he’d smelt blood, and found his prey. He was now lunging.

“I didn’t kill him.”

“Your friend, Rachel, isn’t it?”

“You’re the detective, I’m sure you can figure that out.”

“She saw you, walking down the street. She thought it was odd when you suddenly disappeared from the club, and then she followed her friend, concerned. She said she tried to call your name, when you stopped to take your shoes off, that you just looked very drunk, but you didn’t hear. You didn’t stop.”

A lot of following going on that night, really if things stayed where you wanted them to be, no one would have to follow anyone.

“She walked into the alley after you, and she saw you beating Jason with your heel, over and over again. She nearly got sick, and when she stepped towards you, you stepped away from him and he collapsed. You’re friend saw you beat your ex-boyfriend to death, and all you wanted that night was your heels back.”

I told him they we’re expensive, and that I didn’t kill him. That I could never kill anyone, that this was all just bad luck. All he could say was four moronic words back to me.

“We finally got you.”

He wouldn’t look good beside me. As good as he looked sitting across from me, his smile was all wrong, and he clothes were too messy. He looked out of place, next to me. Poor Jason, he looked just as he ought to, until he didn’t.