What Am I Doing?

Sometimes, I hate being late, but it's worth it. Well, mostly. I ask myself, "What am I doing?" Most of the time, but seriously, what am I doing? It figures. I never know what I'm doing.

It was a normal day. I was walking on a footpath in a busy city when I bumped into one of my friends' bosses. She smiled and apologized. I did the same; I mean, I got to keep it cool, right? I decided to keep walking before I started to bump into someone else. Bing. My phone started buzzing. Someone was calling me. But it was an unknown caller. I took a deep breath and answered it.

It turns out it was my best friend, Charlotte. "Hey bestie! So Clara, are you excited to come to our sleepover?" She said it with a delighted voice. "Yeah," I said unconvincingly. "That's great! See you tonight!" She squealed and hung up. I sighed and slipped my phone in my pocket. I kept walking until I arrived at my destination, my apartment. I slipped the key into the lock and swung the door open. Welcome back, Clara! I leaped towards my bed and opened my laptop.

Click, click, click. I started clicking and typing on my laptop. The end results of 'How to Cancel Plans Without Hurting Your Best Friend's Feelings,' are:

"Canceling plans sits at the intersection of showing up for yourself and showing up for other people. On one hand, skipping a social event can often be a much-needed self-care move. When you know in your heart that you don’t have it in you to socialize and are confident that doing it anyway is going to make you feel worse, it can be a huge relief to just let yourself opt out. And so often, canceling is perfectly fine, and the other person won’t mind or think much of it. (They might even be relieved; I’ve definitely been in that position before.) Sometimes scrapping plans is the best way to be a good friend—after all, you can’t fully show up for other people if you’re not taking care of yourself, and regularly attending hangouts when you aren’t up for it isn’t good for anyone."

Wow. That is incredible. Google really does know everything. I grabbed my phone and called Charlotte. Oh my god, I'm actually doing this. I hung up. I couldn't do it. I gave a BIG think about our sleepover and started to go through ALL of the memories me and Charlotte had. So I decided to give a speech before we had the sleepover. But I wanted it to be in person so I invited her to her favorite café, Espresso Yourself. I love it as well.

I gave a whole heartfelt speech. Obviously, she cried (it was my intention to.) I went something like this:

"Friendship is a divine relationship, which is beyond the definition of blood relations. It is the only relation that is truly priceless. We may acquire all kinds of pleasures by putting our efforts. But even then life may remain dull, without having someone to share our life with some true friends.

It’s natural that human being always tends to find emotional support and social life. In spite of having everything in life, we may remain in a vacuum. It happens only when we have no such good friend to share our small and small happiness in life. Friends are always there to listen to us unconditionally. But Charlotte, listen. I love you as a BFF but I'm not ready to sleep over at your house without my parents. I sure does sound fun but, I just.....can't!"

I closed my eyes ready for her to shout. Tear rolled down, uncontrollable. "OMG, Clara. What was with the speech?" She said stumbling through her words, "I love you as a BFF too, but I'm also really nervous and worried! Why didn't you tell me straight forward instead of giving a 10 minute presentation?" She asked smiling. I couldn't keep my mouth closed so I just said "Instead of cry," I said chuckling, "Why not enjoy the lattés, I ordered?"

I learned a lot today for instance, I learned what Charlotte means to me. So I decided to send her an email:

Dear Charlotte,

I just want to say thank you. For what you ask? For accepting me as I am when others aren't. For loving me even when I've been a total butthole. For picking me up after I fall. For comforting me when I need it most. I know your not perfect, but I'm not either. We think the same things and that is why we are so close. Imagine if your mom had never told you to go sit with that lonely nerd-looking girl. I would have been a whole different person. You have changed me so much, and I'm so glad I have someone to look up to when I feel like I'm nothing. You have given me the opportunity to see the world in your eyes, the crazy way. You have taught me that size doesn't matter, and don't judge a book by its cover. I'm so glad that you have been there to hug me, and help me look at the happy side of things. I'm SO thankful that God put you in my life, and hopefully to stay. You have let me see the bright side of things, and I'm glad I can tell you anything. This may sound cheesy, but you sincerely are, from the bottom of my heart, my best friend. I have made a pledge that from now on, I will stick by your side. And never stop. I have finally seen how much you mean to me, and I'm so glad I noticed. I love you. Best friend. Fourteen years ago we became friends

and my life has been so much brighter and happier. You changed my life without even trying, and I don't think I could ever tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine what things would be like without you. A lot of things are about to change soon, we have to become adults and deal with the real world; and people are gonna come and go but I will always have your back. I want nothing more but for you to be happy in this life and for you to be happy

with the person you become. If you believe in me like I believe in you people will remember us and the way we took life like champs, it may have knocked us down but we helped each other back up and hit even harder. I always want you in my life so we can make memories together and they may not always be good ones but I would take a million bad days if it meant that I still had you. We may go through lows in life but we will always get higher than we ever have been together. And even though I am uncertain about most things in life I am certain that I love you and will continue to love

you forever.

Sincerely, Your BFFL

P.S. BFFL stands for Best Friend For Life, if you did not know.