All Is Forgiven

   It wasn’t like Larry to worry but more than often he had to catch his mind from wondering. He’d lived with what he did for such a long time. He more than not had convinced himself all was forgiven, at least he thought so. He had never gotten up the nerves to ask. In his summation, time heals all wounds, but he wasn’t sure of that. Larry at the age of eighteen did the unthinkable, however for him it was because of fear. He and three of his school friends the summer before graduating high school went on s summer vacation. They were so looking forward to it. This would be the first time for all of them that their parents trusted them to go alone. They would kiss their small hometown goodbye for at least five days. They were headed to California, Los Angeles to be exact. They had saved up their monies and had made reservations almost the summer before. They knew this would help with expenses making the reservations early. Their flights were affordable because of the early reservations as well. Larry Jones, Bill Adams, Sam King and Bryan Books, Four Forever Friends, they called themselves the FFF. They were the best of friends and had been since junior high. Larry and Bill met in grade school and Sam and Bryan came in later in junior high. This vacation was something they had always planned. They talked about it since junior high but the summer before graduation is when they would make it happen.

    Larry’s parents were perhaps the hardest to persuade. The Jones were not as well to do as the other boys. So, the other boys didn’t know but Larry had been saving towards this trip way longer than the others. He would work odd jobs during the summer, like cutting yards for his elderly neighbors. His parents did give him monies for chores around the house. When it became time to go, he was always first to make payments etc. because he had saved. When the day came to go, he had more than enough and then some. His friends because their parents didn’t put in the hard work that Larry did, they didn’t have to. The boys knew their parents would pay for them. However, what they didn’t know, the Adams, Kings and Books gave each boy a set amount pf money to spend, no more, no less. All three had enough but not as much as Larry did. They were set to leave on Saturday, and it looked like it was coming up fast. Larry and Bill met up to buy some new clothes for the trip, that Thursday before. They met up at the local Sears at Hedgeway Mall. Sam and Bryan were going to meet up with them a little later. Larry determined he only needed some sandals for the beach, or at least he thought. He had to admit he was not trying to spend too much of his money. The other guys could spend at will. Larry recalled that Sam’s mother gave him her credit card to purchase some things. But even with that she limited him to two hundred dollars. Sam was not happy about that. They all four met up at the food court. They decided that Friday they would do nothing but prepare for the trip: packing, haircuts if needed, checking last minutes details and rest. Also Friday was the day they would pick two places they each wanted to visit and have it in mind when they got to LA. They had decided if either of them picked the same spot, they would throw it out and pick two more. There would be no itinerary per say, but they would stay together, teams of two. No-one goes off alone. They all agreed.

    You’re only as sick as your secrets Larry thought. Those three guys were as close to him as brothers, Larry considered them as such since he had only sisters. He was the only boy. Now as a married man he looked at his boys, he had two and was glad. He also had two girls. They would have each other to confide in when they felt like they couldn’t come to him or their mother. But as he stops and over looks the water, he knows now what triggered those memories he wishes he could forget. That summer was going to be epic for him, Bill, Sam, and Bryan. They were able to do all they had wanted. Larry was the only one that had never flown before. It wasn’t a long trip, but his friends could tell he was a little scared. He had a window seat which was good, but it did little to help his anxiousness. He would never admit it, but he was happy when the plane landed. The room was a suite so all four of them were together, just the way they liked it.

         It was still lots of day light left and all four wanted to go to the nearest beach. That was easy there was a shuttle leaving every hour. Bryan called the front desk to inquire and was told there would be one leaving in forty-five minutes. That was just enough time to get ready. All the guys changed into their swim trucks and sandals. All rushed to catch the elevator to the lobby. They arrived just in time for the shuttle. Larry boarded first making sure to saved seats for the others. The shuttle was full. The ride to Huntington Beach was amazing. Larry begins to feel his anxiety just a little. As beautiful as the beach was, he was still anxious. What his three friends did not know that after all these years he could not swim. They had never noticed because he played it off so well, he would get just wet enough to not draw attention to himself. He would do the water slides that laid on the ground, things like that. He would sit on the edge of the pool and stick his feet in the water. Larry recalls how it all started, his fear of water, well at least large bodies of it. Once at Fireman Pool when he wasn’t so afraid, a kid stuck up behind him and pushed him in the pool. Since that time Larry had not been able to get over his fear, he’d tried on other occasions to learn but he just couldn’t. He always said it was like he wasn’t in control, not knowing that when you are swimming you are in control. He knows that now but then he didn’t. 

    Sam and Bryan set under the umbrella drinking sodas. Larry and Bill ventured out to the beach. Bill decided to go in. Larry walked back and forth kicking the sans, hoping to see some type of unusual seashell. He knew the most he could do is let the waters hit his feet. He thought about building a sandcastle. There were a few folks on the beach that had either started or had finished one. Some, he thought were very good, especially the Spiderman. He looked up from time to time and would spot Bill. Suddenly, he couldn’t see him but could hear him yelling, HELP!!! HELP!!! The waves were so high he could barely see his hands and he couldn’t see his head at all. It looked like no one heard him but Larry. Bryan and Sam never moved. Larry tried to make sense of what he thought he was seeing, was his friend really drowning!? He could see a lifeguard about fifty yards away. Larry took off running. It wasn’t until others started gathering near where the other two boys had seen Larry last that they realized something was wrong. It didn’t take long before the ambulance made it way down the beach. The lifeguard had pulled Bill out of the water. He attempted CPR but it did no good. He was gone. Bryan and Sam looked at Larry in disbelief. The police questioned the boys, gathering information from them about Bill, where they were from, his parents name etc. The boys went back to their room. They each called their parents to inform them about what had happened.

    The room was quiet and sober. Sam finally asked, “Why didn’t you go get him?” “It took you longer to run get the lifeguard then it would have to just swim out and try and save him!” “He can’t swim Sam” Bryan chimed in. Sam bent over and looked Larry straight in his face, “You can’t swim?” It was that question that shook Larry out of his trance. It’s as far as his mind would let him go.

    Larry was back in his hometown to celebrate his parents’ anniversary. He knew had better get home and get dressed it would be staring son. He was nervous, he wasn’t sure who would be showing up. Larry’s parents and the parents of the other boys remained friends, even the Adams, however he wasn’t sure if they would be there. Larry ended up being the unofficial greeter and around 7:15ish he opened the door to the Adams, Bill Sr. & Laura. Bill Sr. shook his hand and Mrs. Adams gave him a huge hug. Larry just knew she could feel his heart beating when they hugged. As she released him, she held his hand and gently pulled into the study that stood near the front door. Mr. Adams asking before she shut the door if she needed him. She gently smiles and shook her no and lightly shut the door behind her. She turned to Larry and said, “what I say I speak for myself and Mr. Adams”. “We forgive you Larry. It wasn’t your fault”. He was visibly shaking, and she could see that. He started, “but I’m ashamed Mrs. Adams that I was too afraid to ask for your forgiveness and here you are now giving me what I should have asked for a long time ago. She told him he was young, and they were not the only ones that lost Bill Jr. that day. She thanked him for the tribute at their graduation. She told him that it was initially thought to be a drowning. Bill Jr. had a heart condition Larry, she continued. The strength of the waters that day and his panicking caused a fatal heart attack. Bill would have been dead before you ever reached him had you been able to swim. He then thought to himself, so Bill had a secret too none of the guys ever knew about. You’re only as sick as your secret. AA drills that into the members heads. Alcohol was his safety blanket after the accident, so he thought. He has seven years clean and sober now. It was a long road, therapy, counseling and a lot of praying, a lot of forgiving myself he thought. He admitted that hearing that it truly wasn’t his fault was like a weight lifted. If he hadn’t been so afraid to speak to the Adams' sooner, he would of known this and might not have gone through so much.

She encouraged him to no longer carry that burden, "it's too heavy for you, you have my permission to release it and yourself." She hugged him and with a big smile on her face, looked him in his eyes as she placed her hand over his heart and simply said, “All Is Forgiven”.

The End