When Will We Stop Being Afraid?

March 17th, 2020 ~ 7 days

My world is afraid. People don’t look at each other, making huge arcs to try to steer clear of what could be hiding inside of our cells. I’m only fifteen. I want to hang out with my friends. I want to say hi to other people without them being scared. I wanted to hug my older brother on his birthday. I feel like I am missing out on life. My freshman year is not ending how I thought it would. Today we got the news that school has been canceled for the rest of the year. And although I do actually like online schooling, it’s really lonely and I miss seeing my friends every day and laughing with them.

But no matter how terrible having to be with my little siblings all-day, I am glad that we are sitting inside, safe and healthy. My aunt is a doctor. She’s been called in to help fight COVID-19. My Grandma is a nurse. She works in Urgent Care, where infected people walk in all the time thinking that they have to flu and leave in an ambulance. The whole world sits on the brink of self-destruction, the weight of worry heavy on its shoulders. 

I pray for this world. 

December 22nd, 2063

Today, I sat in my attic, finally going through the boxes of my past. I am such a sentimental person that I keep everything, only thinking about the emotion attached to it. Some people just call it hoarding. I found my diary from when I was 14. It talked all about the Corona Scare of 2020. It was still neatly bound, the leather a little dusty but still intact. Tear stains now dot the pages. 

My much younger self found it very useful to write out what she was feeling when it felt like everything was changing. Maybe my much older self will too. 

Yesterday my Aunt Melissa died. She was 86. I cried so hard that I forgot how to breathe. She was always there for me and my family. Whenever one of us was sick, my mom would just call her up and she would arrive an hour later with seven different kinds of medicine to try out. I miss her already. 

The world is facing a different kind of problem now. What everybody was afraid of finally happened. We are entering the second year of World War 3 in February. My son Nick, kind and compassionate Nick, is in the Marines, fighting on behalf of a country that doesn’t fight for him. My daughter, beautiful and headstrong Marissa, went into the AirForce to show how girls are strong too. Lilliana has three kids and one on the way but even she has sacrificed for this war- she let her husband go fight, therefore supporting her family on her own. I love all my children very much and I hope for prosperity and long life for all of my family. My husband passed on early, at the age of 36. He died doing what he loved, saving lives. He was a firefighter and even though I miss him so very much, I’m glad that he got to go out helping others to live. 

I pray for this world.

March 30th, 2020 ~ 20 days

Today is my birthday. I turned 15 at 6 am. I called all three sets of grandparents. I thanked my parents for the small gifts that they either got at the grocery store or arrived from Amazon. I jumped on the trampoline with my whole family. We almost broke it. I video chatted with my friends. What a  birthday. :(

I don’t mean to sound snooty or like I think I deserve more. I am really grateful that I am safe and sound, and most importantly, healthy. I am really thankful for all my family and friends who went out of their way to say happy birthday to me, even if it wasn’t face to face. I love them all very much and I am glad that no one close to me is sick. 

I wish that I could say that my birthday wish came true but the number of deaths is only rising. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I first heard about the virus when it was still in China. It hadn’t impacted me yet so I didn’t really care. I mean, how would it spread all the way over here? To the US? I was blind to the problems of the world, only really worrying about my next biology test. Right now, all I see is hate, pain, and death. When I look at the news, I just hear the death counts. They even took out the positive segments they used to put in at the end, to leave people with hope for tomorrow. 

I sit here today, wondering if maybe I have been looking at the world all wrong. Kids who have to cancel their birthday parties are suddenly waving from the doorstep at their friends who are dropping off gifts for them. People donate their money to help those really suffering from this crisis. The food banks are being overwhelmed by cans and boxes upon boxes of food from those who are a little more fortunate. And teachers stay up extra late and lose their free weekends to help students learn online. People all over the world are trying their best to help out. Why have I not been able to focus on that recently?

My friends have always said that I am one of the most positive people they know. What has happened to me? Where have I gone? I hope that by writing my feelings down, I will be able to recover the happy, innocent, sunshiny part of myself, cause that is the real me. 

I pray for this world.

March 9th, 2064

My son is dead. My strong, amazing, kind, full of hope for the world son, is dead. 

I still can’t believe it.

I can no longer think straight. 

Lilliana calls me every day, multiple times on average. I don’t hear her. 

I think of my other child, out there, fighting others as she fights for women’s rights. 

What is going to happen to her?

Will she make it?

Will we win this stupid, meaningless war?

What if we lose? 

How can the world still be so bright outside in the midst of this tragedy?

How can spring be poking its head within the darkness that has overwhelmed the world?

I will have hope. It is the only thing I can manage right now. I have hope for Earth and for all of humanity. I hope for peace.

I pray for this world.

April 8th, 2020 ~ 29 days

Nobody knows how long this will go on. All I know is that I will keep on smiling. It’s going to be a good week. I hope for this world.