Dear Diary, My Dad...

Sept. 7, 2023

Dear Diary,

Today my dad told my mom and me that we are moving. I have spent 14 years in the same house, city, and neighborhood! Suddenly, my dad wants to spend more time with us as a family. Why?

I understand he is getting older and wants a steadier job so he doesn’t have to travel anymore. But why couldn’t he wait four more years? I want to graduate with my friends, the family I choose to hang out with because he’s never around. It’s always about him and what he wants. He doesn’t care what I think.

When we move I will be alone at a new school. I’ll have to make new friends as a teenager. School is awkward enough at this age now I will have to do it alone!

I told him all of these things with tears and deep breaths, but he just said I wouldn’t be alone. I’d be with him and my mom. And as every parent says, he told me I would make new friends.

Do you know how hard it is to make new friends as a teenager!? The new girl that came to our school still sits by herself and it’s been 6 months.

If he wanted anything to do with me or get to know me he would have done so in the past 14 years. 

I don’t know my dad. Sure, we have been on vacations and a few family functions at my school, but he’s never talked to me. Whenever we sit in a room together we don’t communicate. When we are at the dinner table together, when he’s actually there, we just talk to my mom, never each other. I know nothing about him. I don’t know where he works, the company name, what he does, or anything. I don’t even know if he has any hobbies. The only thing I know about him is that he makes enough to pay for everything. My mom doesn’t have to work but she does. She tells me if she doesn’t work she wouldn’t know what to do with herself all day.

All I hope is that this job of my dads falls through and we don’t have to move. 

Oct. 7, 2023

Dear Diary,

It’s moving day and my friends came over to help pack the last of my things and say goodbye. But all we did was cry and look at pictures on our phones of us together. When they left I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I cried in the car for 4 hours. I don’t think I have any tears left.

There is not much else to tell you. I’m just sad and I feel so alone already. 

Also, I have to start school on Monday. I only get one day to get used to the new house. 

Oct. 9, 2023

Dear Diary,

I started school today. It’s nothing like my old high school because we now live in the middle of nowhere. We are surrounded by forests and trees with no neighbors in sight. There are about 100 people at my new school. Everyone at the school already knows each other and not one person said hi to me. What am I supposed to do at a school with 100 people and no neighbors in sight?

Also, the school is so small they don’t have any sports teams. We have to drive 30 minutes into town to the main high school if we want to play a sport. There goes my dreams of college scouts finding me at a track and field meet.

I am still going to join the team though because I can not be in this tiny hellhole every day. I hope my mom doesn’t mind driving me to practice every day for a while. I’m pretty sure she’ll take me just so we can meet some new friends together. She needs new friends too. 

I miss home so much.

Feb. 5, 2024

Dear Diary,

Finally, track and field is starting. I feel like all I have to write about lately is how much my school sucks, how much I miss home, and my new friend Lila. She’s cool for the most part, but nothing like my friends at home. 

Today we drove to Union High in the middle of town. It’s huge, probably as big as my school back home, and they are known in the state to have the best track and field team. We just introduced ourselves today and got to know others on the team. For the most part, I had a good time and met some cool new people.

However, something weird happened. I sat next to this very beautiful girl, who looked similar to me. We both have jet-black hair and glacial blue eyes. Although her hair was kind of wavy, it made me jealous. We began talking and a friend of hers walked up and asked if I was her sister. We definitely could be, but obviously, we are not. 

Besides that weird encounter, she was fun to hang out with and it turns out we have a lot of the same interests. We got along so well that she invited me to her birthday party in two weeks. So maybe I’ll be able to make more friends there.

She lives in a mansion according to all her friends, who also are on the track and field team. They also said she has two really cute brothers. One is older and the other is younger. If they look anything like their sister it’ll look like we are family and that would be weird. 

Hopefully, my mom agrees to drive me there since it’s about an hour from our house on the other side of town. 

Also, I forgot to write yesterday because it was my birthday. My mom took me to the fanciest restaurant in town. It was so good! But guess who wasn’t there? My dad because he claimed had to work. So much for spending more time together.

Feb 17, 2024

Dear Diary, 

This is the worst day of my life! I knew moving was a mistake because I found out that my dad is a liar and a cheater. How could he do this? To me? To my mom? He’s such an asshole!!!

Today, my mom drove me to Remi’s birthday party. I was so excited to hang out and make some new friends. But everything went to shit today. 

So here’s the story. When we arrived at her house my mom dropped me off at the front. She already knew Remi’s mom from track and field, so she didn’t come in the house with me.

Remi’s house is gorgeous! It sits on a big lake and they have a private dock. The front of the house had floor-to-ceiling windows looking over the water. It was surrounded by a perfectly manicured lawn and white vinyl horse fencing. The house was a place you’d explore on Zillow knowing your family could never afford it.

When I walked through the front door the interior looked like something out of architectural digest. The walls were bright white with modern artwork and a pine hardwood floor. Every piece of furniture and knickknack was placed intentionally. They probably had an interior designer on standby. 

Remi saw me gawking and ran up to me to lead me to the kitchen. She wanted me to meet her dad, who she constantly raved about. She had told me that’s where the black hair and blue eyes came from. 

I first noticed her brothers who had the same blue eyes and the same facial features, but brown hair, a lot like their moms. When I peered around the rest of the kitchen toward where she was dragging me I froze.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t fathom what was happening or believe that it was real. Then it hit me! Her dad was my dad! 

Realizing I was no longer walking with her she turned and asked me what was wrong. All I could do was stare at my dad enjoying a beer in their kitchen and tell her that I was feeling sick and going to throw up. Then he turned to look at me. His eyes went wide and I bolted to the front door.

I called my mom who fortunately wasn’t too far away and asked her to come back. Remi had followed me out and said she hoped that I would feel better soon so that I could come back. I was too afraid to tell her that I would never come back. I said sorry and she didn’t need to stay with me. When she went back inside my dad came out. I turned to face the lake. I didn’t want to talk to him. He had nothing to say to me anyway. How could he have anything to say? 

He grabbed my elbow to turn me around just as I noticed my mom pulling up in the driveway. He noticed too, let go, and casually walked back to the house. She parked and got out of the car. She must have seen him because she yelled his name and he turned just for a moment over his shoulder. She gave him the finger and said, “You asshole! I knew it.” 

We got in the car and headed home. The car ride was silent except for me crying and my mom looking furious. The only thing I could think about was how he could have another family. Deep down I knew it wasn’t that big of a surprise. I didn’t know him and never have. 

I haven’t stopped crying since we have been home. My mom shut herself in her room saying she had to make some phone calls. I don’t know what to feel. Or maybe there are too many feelings and I am overwhelmed right now. I’m lost and once again alone. 

All I can think about is the lies he told. He didn’t want us closer he just wanted to make it easier on himself to play this little game of his. Hell, he probably has a third family somewhere. 

I didn’t like my dad before, but I hate him now. No wonder Remi and I look so much alike. We have the same god damn genetics! We are sisters. Should I tell her?

Feb. 19, 2024

Dear Diary,

The past two days have been crazy! We left that night on a plane back home. We are staying at my grandma's house until we can find an apartment. And I am going back to my old school!

My mom is holding it together pretty well, but I can tell she is devastated.

Remi has been texting me asking if I feel any better. But I haven’t texted her back. I don’t know what to say or if I should tell her. I’m so confused right now. 

Feb. 26, 2024

Dear Diary,

Remi texted me all week wondering why I was missing practice and wouldn’t answer her texts. I had to tell her something, so I called her.

I told her everything about my dad, which wasn’t much, and what he looked like. I told her that her dad was also my dad and that’s why we looked so much alike. 

She didn’t believe me and I expected that. She hung up on me telling me I was a liar. So I sent her a picture of all of us on our last family vacation. I haven’t heard from her since.

Everything about this hurts.

Mar. 20, 2024

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe everything that has happened in the past few months. Although most of it was bad, and devastating to our family, there have been positive things, such as moving back home, being with my friends, and graduating with them.

The most surprising positive thing that’s happened is that Remi and I have become a lot closer. She called me about a week later. She told her mom what I said and the picture I sent her. My dad got kicked out of that big lakeside house and they are not speaking to him. She’s become like a true sister to me. We talk on the phone most days and I hope she can come to visit soon.

Even though we lost a dad, we gained each other. I have even talked to her brothers. My brothers too, I guess. I hope we continue confiding in each other in this way. I have always wanted siblings. 

So, it’s bittersweet. I feel the loss of my dad, especially for my mom, but gained so much in return. The hurt is still there, but there is also lots of love.